On Friday night, hubby Mark and I attended a delightful blogger bash at Julia's. Fun was had by all, although I must disclose that the guest of honor and another guest had suspiciously French-sounding names. Nonetheless, I think our fête deserves its own song parody lyrics, which I will get to in a moment. But first, two limericks:
Some Say That Karl Rove Should Apologize By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some say that Karl Rove should apologize,
Cause he slanderedthe Dems with derisive lies. Will he yield? I think not.
Cause his speech was a plot
To distract us from failure and war unwise.
Bush And Cheney Send Soldiers To War By Madeleine Begun Kane
Nielsen Haydens graced the party.
So did Robin,Seth, and Lindsay. A wonderful time,
We had Friday night,
At a Queens, New Yorker's blog soirée.
Julia's husband cooked and grilled up chicken.
And her charming daughter picked fresh fruit.
Chatter touched on all but Michael Milken.
And everybody had a laugh-filled hoot.
Later on, street fare beckoned.
Honeyed treats, Greek, I reckon.
An ethnic food time, we had Friday night,
At a Queens, New Yorker's blog soirée.
Scott Lemieux came and Randy. All had fun! Ain't that dandy?
A wonderful time,
We had Friday night,
At a Queens, New Yorker's blog soirée.
Wives and husbands attended.
No one wanted us to end it.
But leave that repast,
We did at long last.
Festive Queens, New Yorker's blog soirée.
New York lib'ral bloggers we have plenty.
When we gather, we sure have a blast.
Maybe we are not the cognoscenti.
But when it comes to fun, we're unsurpassed.
I can't wait, for the next one.
We'll again, meet in person.
But till that takes place,
We'll meet in blog space.
In our lib'ral bloggers wonderland.
But getting back to the Bolton nomination, it's time for my latest limerick:
The Doctor Turned Senator Bill By Madeleine Begun Kane
The doctor turned Senator Bill,
Said John Bolton's appointment was killed.
But then Bush buttonholed him,
Demanding John Bolton.
Now Bill claims that appointment's just ill.
And speaking of audio, congratulations to my good pal Skippy,who's about to celebrate his third blogiversary.
Please help him celebrate by tuning in to his entertaining radio interview, in which he
"rambles and rants about everything from the downing street minutes to ayn rand and putting christ back into christianity, with plenty of bark, lark and on the mark snark..."
By now, most of you know that the Senate has passed a resolution declaring lynching to be bad. You also probably know that all of the Senate Democrats supported the resolution, but that fifteen Republicans opposed it. And that Bill Frist tried to protect those fifteen Republican lynching aficionados by holding the vote at night and using a voice vote procedure that didn't require the Senators to be present while they voted. To make matters even worse, Frist lied and blamed his use of that low-key procedural device on the backers of the anti-lynching resolution.
So what does this all mean? That I've written Frist a poem, of course. It's called "Lynching Is Bad? Who knew?"
Lynching Is Bad? Who knew? By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Senate said that lynching's bad.
It took them long enough.
It's hardly a position rad,
Yet getting there was tough.
The Dems each said that lynching's wrong.
Not so the GOP.
Some fifteen sang some other song:
Of lynching, "Let It Be."
Bill Frist did try to hide that fact.
He nixed a roll call vote.
So those who did not mensch-like act
Could hide behind his coat.
Frist held a voice vote late, at night,
A formal vote denied.
When challenged on this sneaky slight,
Sen William "Fristy" lied.
Today's Frist / McCain press conference serves as a reminder, in case you need one, that in the U.S. Senate, compromise flows only one way. The press conference made it clear that "Bill Frist is attempting to pressure Senate Democrats to yield on their objections to a cloture vote [on Bolton] and may call for a vote this week -- even if Frist fails once again to get cloture."
And that brings me to my latest limerick, entitled There Once Was A Compromise Deal:
There Once Was A Compromise Deal By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a compromise deal,
Entered into by "mod'rates" with zeal.
Though the pact is unrav'ling,
More wingnuts are gav'ling
In Federal Courts of Appeal.
By now, you've probably heard about the Daily Kos ad controversy, involving scantily clad women, pie throwing, and a contemptuous attitude toward feminist opinions. Until now I've stayed out of the brouhaha, but I couldn't resist writing a limerick about it. And I've even recorded an audio version of my Ode To Misogyny limerick, my first attempt at audio blogging.
Ode To Misogyny By Madeleine Begun Kane
A liberal blogger named Kos
Once was paid to offensive ad host.
And when women complained
Of his naked disdain,
Offered up a misogynic post.
Ezra Klein thinks Christopher Cox "blows." Yet he admires "Bush's audacity in nominating Congress's foremost defender of corporate abuses to head the commission dedicated to curbing them." But Ezra can't decide if nomination abominations like Cox and
John Bolton are meant merely to prove Bush has "massive cojones," or if there's a greater Election 2006-related method to Dubya's madness:
"...maybe the plan being followed is to force the Democrats to obstruct on everything. Nominees, then, are comically bad, bills are laughably offensive, judges are jaw-droppingly anachronistic, and all of it operates under the assumption that Americans won't pay attention to the specifics, they'll just note the constant obstructionism of Democrats."
So, what's my take on the Chris Cox SEC nomination? I think that a hen house guarded by a hungry fox, is what we'll get with Christopher Cox. Which brings me to my "A Pox On Cox's Nomination" poem:
A Pox On Cox's Nomination By Madeleine Begun Kane
Chris Cox is Dubya's nominee
To head the SEC.
A man who boosted corp'rate rights
With fervor, zeal, and glee.
A "champion of free enterprise,"
Pro-cov'ring up biz lies.
To understate the obvious,
This pick is far from wise.
The job of corp'rate oversight
Deserves a man who'd fight
Executives who rob us blind,
Who don't know wrong from right.
Chris Cox enabled Enron's fraud
With anti-lawsuit laws.
Cox can't be trusted with this post.
He'd clap while biz marauds.
May 31, 2005 (Some Say That George Dub's A Lame Duck)
A mini-media bandwagon has started, declaring Bush to be a lame duck.
But I can't help wondering if it's that ... or something more:
Some Say That George Dub's A Lame Duck By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some Say That George Dub's A Lame Duck,
And that Dubya's agenda is stuck.
Can it be folks have noticed
That Dub's our worst POTUS,
And everything Dub's done has sucked?
The Immoderate Pact Song Parody (Sing to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The "moderates" made a voting pact.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The "moderates" got their power back.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Their deal betrays our democracy.
We're stuck with dreadful nominees.
And I don't feel gay cause
The moderate Dems are hacks.
The "moderates" claim they did what's right.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Averted a constitutional fight.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The filibuster was up for grabs.
And now it's watered down for scraps.
And I don't feel gay cause
The Democrats lost this fight.
UPDATE: Posting here will be spotty (if at all) during the next few days. However I'll be continuing to post news items, quotes of the day, blog posts of the day, feminist news and views, poll and survey info, and other stuff in my recently launched Mad Kane's New, Politics, & Humor Forum. I hope you'll stop by and join the conversation.
So what do I have to offer on the subject? A song parody, of course -- The Don't Compromise Song, which can be sung to Let's Twist Again, written by Hank Ballard and made famous by Chubby Checker:
The Don't Compromise Song Parody (Sing To Let's Twist Again)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
"Let's compromise,"
Words that make me shudder.
Yeah, "let's compromise,"
Words I've grown to fear.
Dems must not fall for lies
That the right-wing utters.
They can't compromise
With the GOP.
Every deal they've made, the people's rights are undermined.
It's time for Dems to fin'lly show some guts and spine.
"Let's compromise,"
Words that Dems shouldn't mutter.
Cause if they do,
Then the end is near.
(MUSICAL BREAK)
Don't compromise.
Frist can not be trusted.
No, don't compromise.
Please hang tough, you hear!
The Dems should keep in mind,
Rights go in the gutter,
When they compromise
With the GOP.
With each deal they've made, our people's lives are undermined.
It's time for Dems to act with gumption, guts and spine.
"Let's compromise,"
Words that Dems can't utter.
Cause if they do,
Then the end is near.
As some of you know, I've had lots of security problems with my message board. So I've taken the plunge and launched a far more secure replacement:
Mad Kane's Forum. I hope you'll stop by and join the conversation.
Senator Frist is poised to exercise the “nuclear option,” altering filibuster rules and creating a constitutional crisis over extremist right-wing judicial nominees Janice Rogers Brown and
Priscilla Owen. So I thought it was time for some Injudicious Limericks:
Ode To Janice Brown By Madeleine Begun Kane
A Bush nominee who's named Jan
Is quite clearly no precedent fan.
Her dissents so extreme
Tout the Fed'ralist theme,
And she'd cheerfully civil rights ban.
Ode To Priscilla Owen By Madeleine Begun Kane
George Dub picked Judge Owen, Priscilla,
Who of reason does lack a scintilla.
Owen's views are extreme.
She's a "pro-lifer's" dream,
And she's also a worker rights killah.
As the Senate heads for a showdown over George Bush's extremist judicial nominees, I figured a Filibuster Song might be in order. And I must confess to a perverse pleasure in setting it to the French-Canadian children's folk song, Alouette:
The Filibuster Song (Sing to "Alouette")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy.
Frist would nuke Dems' voting rights.
Dems must stop him. Fight, fight, fight!
Voting rights,
We must fight.
Voting rights,
Wield our might.
Oh.
Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy.
May 13, 2005 (The Top Secret Karl Rove Memo That Explains Everything)
Even Joe Scarborough can't understand why the Secret Service didn't interrupt Bush's bike ride to tell him about Wednesday's White House evacuation. Well, I've uncovered a top secret memo that explains everything:
From: Karl_Rove@Whitehouse.gov
To: Everyone
Subject: Rule #1
Date: January 20, 2001
Never bother the Prez while he's having some fun,
Or he's taking a nap,
Or he's out for a run.
Never bother the Prez while he's riding his bike,
Or he's clearing some brush,
Or he's taking a hike.
Never mention that we could be under attack,
That a plane pilot's course
Is severely off track.
Most important don't reference science or facts,
That could prove that Dub's plans
May be way out of whack.
I've just returned home from visiting my parents in North Carolina and vacationing in Charleston and Savannah. (I didn't announce my trip ahead of time, because I'm leery of advertising my empty house to would-be miscreants.) Unfortunately, circumstances and technology conspired against me, preventing me from posting during my travels. But I'm happy to say that The Madness Is Back:
The Madness Is Back By Madeleine Begun Kane
I've been gone for two weeks.
Did I miss something good?
Didn't keep up with the news,
Though I know that I should.
I see Dub's not impeached,
And DeLay''s not in jail.
Hey a trav'ler can dream
That the truth will prevail.
But I'm back and refreshed,
And I'm ready to fight
The malevolent nuts,
That make up the far right.
I've got to go now and read the spanking new and highly enticing Huffington Post. Right now it's featuring posts by John Cusack, Ellen DeGeneres, Russell Simmons, Mike Nichols, David Mamet, Michael Isikoff, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Brad Hall, and David Corn.
I'm off in a few minutes to a Passover seder at my in-laws. But first, I wish all my Jewish friends and readers a very happy Passover. And I want to let you know that my postings will be very spotty during the next couple of weeks. As always, I encourage you to visit the wonderful weblogs linked on my blogroll. Also, I hope you'll check out some of the other sections of my site which feature my humor about politics,the media,the law,marriage and family, technology,feminism,money,cars,education,work,travel, and my hometown -- New York City.
An invitation to a Manhattan screening of The Interpreter, which stars Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn, happened to coincide with hubby Mark's and my meeting anniversary. So off we trekked last night to see this exciting film about an African-born UN interpreter (Kidman) who inadvertently overhears a death threat against an African head of state scheduled to address the UN General Assembly. I'm betting that both Kidman and Penn land Oscar nominations for their excellent performances in this well directed, often witty, and always clipping along drama, a thriller that manages to keep up the excitement and tension, without relying on cheap thrills. It opens tomorrow, April 22, and both Mark and I highly recommend it.
The hate-spewing "pundit" named Ann,
On Time's cover did manage to land.
A shock to us all
Was that newsweekly's fall.
From my mailbox that mag has been banned.
I was hoping to post a review of Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, a documentary based on the book with the same title, which opens this coming Friday, April 22. But unfortunately, my advance screener seems to have been damaged in transit. So instead, I'll point you to this very positive review by my favorite cartoonist/blogger. Plus I can offer a copy of Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, the book, to the first person who answers this question correctly in my comments:
Way back when, I wrote some Enron related humor -- specifically, a song parody. The first person to name that Enron related song parody and provide its URL, will receive a copy of the book that inspired Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, the documentary.
Two former Cornell University entomologists who recently had the job of naming 65 new species of slime-mold beetles named three species that are new to science in the genus Agathidium for members of the U.S. administration. They are A. bushi Miller and Wheeler, A. cheneyi Miller and Wheeler and A. rumsfeldi Miller and Wheeler.
Who Can Turn The World Off With A Snarl By Madeleine Begun Kane
Who mistreats his staff? Who's filled with bile?
Who can take a lovely day, and suddenly ruin it with hate so vile?
Well it's you John, and now we know it.
With each word and every wicked movement you show it.
You are going down.
It's time you faced it.
You can't have my town.
Cause you'd disgrace it.
United Nations Rep? What gall!
United Nations Rep? What gall!
I suppose it was just a matter of time before somebody hit me with the book meme, forcing me to reveal how pathetically nonintellectual I really am. It pains and embarrasses me to disappoint the five or six people who figure that with my background as a symphony musician and a lawyer, I must surely be well-read.
Come to think of it, I am fairly well-read. My problem is I'm badly-remembered. I have a Teflon mind -- so it sometimes seems as if I've read nothing at all.
Anyway, had it been anyone but my blog-child Steve, I would probably have begged off. But how can I possibly say no to my favorite blogger/poet? But before I get to it, a quick poem:
You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?
I understand that for the purposes of this meme, being a book entails memorizing it in order to save it from destruction. Of course, as you already know, memorizing anything is out of the question. But if that part of my brain function hadn't been destroyed by years of memorizing Beethoven piano sonatas, Chopin waltzes, and Bach fugues, not to mention the trauma of law school and the dreaded bar exam, I'd want to be the books that hold the scores of Beethoven's nine symphonies. Why? Because I can't imagine life without them.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
I can't recall such a crush. But I have a huge crush on my husband Mark, and he's quite the character.
The last book you bought is?
I'm lucky to live just two blocks from the Queens (New York) Library, so I mostly read library books. It's a lot cheaper, even with my excessive overdue fines. Plus I already own more books than I have shelf space for.
When I do buy a book these days, I tend to buy them on the run at airports -- usually paperback thrillers about the law or politics. A notable exception is Calvin Trillin's poetry collection Obliviously On he Sails, because Trillin's my political poetry idol.
What are you currently reading?
I'm currently reading David Baldacci's Hour Game, Kristin Gore's Sammy's Hill, and Sex For Dummies.
Okay, just kidding about Sex For Dummies.
Five books you would take to a deserted island:
I sound just like Steve, when I say there won't be a Bible or other religious books for me on a deserted island ... or elsewhere, for that matter.
As for what I'd take, that's a very tough question. Hmmm:
The complete works of Allen Drury, because I'm a sucker for political novels, and I've been meaning to reread Drury for years. (We'll pretend that's one book.)
A "fake" book packed with the top several thousand popular songs of the last century, for song parody inspiration.
Roget's Thesaurus and The Complete Rhyming Dictionary. (We'll pretend that's one book too.)
The complete works of Dostoevsky and Chekhov. (Okay I'm cheating. So sue me.)
The complete Seinfeld Scripts. (Because in one of my fantasy lives I write really funny sitcom scripts, and maybe reading these will help.)
(If I had more choices, I'd pick Shakespeare, Twain, Benchley, and lots of other juicy stuff. But I don't, so I won't.)
Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
April 5, 2005 (Nix The Nuclear Option; Contest With Prize)
Today I'm running a contest with a cool, movie related prize. But first, my quickie poem about
Senator Bill Frist being poised to launch the "nuclear option" against the Senate filibuster:
Nix The Nuclear Option By Madeleine Begun Kane
With taunts and threats and lots of bluster,
Frist takes aim at the filibuster.
If he somehow nuke-vote musters,
Democracy shall lose its luster.
And now my contest, which jointly celebrates National Poetry Month (link via Pandagon) and an upcoming film. The first person who answers the following question correctly in a comment to this post, will win a movie related hat and poster. Here's the question:
Identify the poem and the author of the poem which (a) bears the same name as an upcoming film; and (b) contains the following line:
"And we were only frightened and can't think still." (For bonus Brownie points, provide a link to the poem and/or the movie.)
Update:We have a winner: Tom Gevaert of The Funny Farm. As Tom wrote, the poem is The Interpreter by Orrick Johns. Similarly, the completely unrelated film (which stars Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn) is is called The Interpreter.The Interpreter, which opens on April 22, is about an African-born UN interpreter (Kidman) who inadvertently overhears a death threat against an African head of state scheduled to address the United Nation’s General Assembly.
I'll be attending a screening of The Interpreter on April 20, so look for my review soon thereafter. In the meantime, a movie poster and hat are on their way to Tom, our winner.
From time to time, readers email me and say, "Hey, Mad, you worked as a symphony orchestra oboist for a whole bunch of years. So how come you rarely write about classical music?"
Okay, so nobody's ever sent me an email like that. On the other hand, I often get emails begging me to stop writing about politics. So on that note, I thought I'd post this:
Guide For The Opera Impaired By Madeleine Begun Kane
There will inevitably come a day when some misanthrope, posing as a pal, drags you to The Opera. Don't panic ... unless Richard Wagner composed the opera, in which case playing dead will help you match the mood of the music.
But even if you have the relative good fortune to see an opera by one of the "i" composers -- Verdi, Rossini, or Puccini - - you will have to prepare for your ordeal. Six years in a music conservatory chained to opera-oozing headphones should suffice. Or ... you could read this guide.
WHAT TO WEAR:
Clean and pressed evening attire should be worn to any opera performance ... with the possible exception of "opera under the stars." Why dress up to spend an evening scrunched in the dark in seats apparently designed for pygmies? Good question! So you won't embarrass your escort during intermissions ... in the unlikely event he or she makes it back from the bathroom.
WHAT'S GOING ON:
Chances are, the opera won't be in English. I know -- it's shocking. But even those relatively nice "i" composers had the audacity to favor Italian. (You know how rude and inconsiderate foreigners can be.)
Although this can make it tougher to know what's going on, there's no need to panic. Most opera companies thoughtfully provide translations in pamphlets called libretti. Not only do libretti provide helpful plot clues, but they can be tossed at the stage in the absence of fruit...
I'm way behind on my book reviewing, so I thought I'd review two books today. And while both are humorous, they couldn't be more different.
Let's start with the hilarious Barry Crimmins'Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal. Part memoir, part repurposed standup comedy routines, Crimmins' book is an entertaining and sometimes insightful read. Its unusual format does take getting used to - straightforward story telling interspersed with comedy bits. But Crimmins' style of mixing personal and political history through his satirical vantage point definitely works, and Crimmins' book belong on every liberal's bookshelf. And while you're at it, catch his act, if you have a chance. My husband and I saw him perform last year in New York at "Satire For Sanity," and we had a wonderful time.
Next on the review list is something quite a bit more lowbrow, yet fun in its own way: Joe Wang's The First Book of Tasteless Fortune Cookie Fortunes. Some of the fortunes are amusing and some are just ... well ... tasteless. Here are some of my favorites:
"Losing your mind will make the phantom limb syndrome go away."
"That prenuptial agreement will really pay off."
"When your ship finally comes in, it will be a dinghy."
"Your cholesterol level won't matter."
"Your golden parachute will fail to open."
At long last, I've finished my song parody about Tom DeLay. It's taken forever, mostly because life has been way too complicated lately. So what's been taking up my time? Lots of annoying things like heating/plumbing disasters, bad car oil leaks, spontaneously shattering glass refrigerator trays (in a three week old fridge), and not doing my taxes. Plus (on a positive note) an unexpected audition opportunity, which I'll talk more about if something actually comes of it.
But I finally did manage to get my DeLay parody done. I hope you enjoy singing my "Ode To Tom DeLay" to "To All The Girls I've Loved Before," by Hal David and Albert Hammond, using this midi link. (Scroll down to near the bottom of the page to click on the song link.)
Ode To Tom DeLay By Madeleine Begun Kane
A Rep whose name is Tom DeLay,
He breaks the rules most ev'ry day.
He don't respect the law,
Thinks ethics are a bore.
'Tis time to show him crime don't pay.
Tom practices dishonesty.
Ignores the law with joy and glee.
Misused the FBI,
Golf junkets on the sly,
How 'bout we stop his crim'nal spree.
The winds of change are fin'ly blowing.
We're on the hunt for Tom DeLay.
The winds of change continue blowing,
And we'll soon send DeLay away.
Tom helps the rich and harms the poor.
He should not be a Rep no more.
To those who'd right his wrongs,
I dedicate this song.
It's time we show DeLay the door.
The man has caused a Texas mess,
With scheming done at his behest.
Eradicates his foes,
And everywhere he goes,
Treats Democrats like evil pests.
The winds of change are fin'ly blowing.
We're on the hunt for Tom DeLay.
The winds of change continue blowing,
And we'll soon send Delay away.
The right to die with dignity,
He flouted with iniquity.
A self-appointed God,
On state law ran rough shod.
Let's jail him for eternity.
Having horrified everyone by posting a "girly" piece satirizing spring cleaning articles, I feel compelled to redeem myself by posting some "manly" tax humor. So here's one of my most reprinted (and most frequently stolen) pieces:
Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it's April 14. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit. Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don't cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college...
