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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor


Political Song Parodies

Welcome to feminist humor columns, song parodies, light verse, and limericks by Madeleine Begun Kane.

  • “Entrepreneur Barbie!” Are They Toying With Us?
    "The new Barbie’s an “Entrepreneur.”
    Mattel claims it’s intended to spur..."

  • Getting A Leg Up On Marketing "Just when I thought nothing could surprise me, I learn that Japanese women are being paid to host advertisements on their thighs..."

  • Limerick Ode To Phyllis Schlafly
    "Schlafly’s latest is nuts — no surprise!
    But the GOP finds her so wise..."

  • How NOT To Woo Women Voters
    "We women are “whiners,” they bray.
    We “lie” that there’s “no equal pay...”

  • Limerick Ode To Bossy Sheryl Sandberg "Purported feminist Sheryl Sandberg was apparently so traumatized by being called “bossy” as a girl, that she wants that epithet banned. She claims it impedes the will to become a leader..."

  • Limerick Ode To Richard Mourdoch
    "Every time I think Republicans couldn’t possibly get crazier or more extreme about banning abortion, someone like Indiana’s Richard Mourdoch proves me wrong. ..."

  • Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)
    "I have a little binder that is filled with clever gals,
    But what can be the use of them — I’ll have to ask my pals.
    They are very, very diff’rent. They are poor, and I am rich.
    And I make them jump before me. They refuse, then they’re a bitch. ..."

  • Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders
    "Romney goes through his life wearing blinders
    And surrounded by yes-men and minders. ..."

  • Platitudes And Platforms (Limerick)
    "The GOP Platform Committee
    Re abortion is lacking in pity ..."

  • Dotty Men
    "A guy in a polka dot tie
    Felt stylish, though heaven knows why. ..."

  • Republicans To Women: No Vagina Dialogues!
    "Republicans love to pass laws
    That restrict female parts, without pause. ..."

  • Mommy Madness
    "I’ve been trying to ignore the whole Hilary Rosen controversy. The one where Republicans use a stupid remark made by a CNN contributor to get everyone to stop talking about the Republican war on women. ..."

  • International Women's Day Limerick
    "U.S. women are under attack.
    We’ve gone backwards, alas and alack. ..."

  • The Chastity Chase
    "Here’s good news for Republican men:
    You can guard against gals with a yen ..."

  • Limerick Ode To Feminism
    "Over the years, I’ve met many post-feminist women — gals who think the struggle is over, and who see no further need for feminism. I wonder what they think of the Republicans’ rampant, re-energized War On Women. ..."

  • More Contraceptive Madness
    "After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline: ..."

  • Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans
    "What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar ...

  • Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross "Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has 'embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.' ..."

  • Religion Hits Bottoms
    "CDD is an odd Christian fad
    For punishing wives when they’re 'bad.' ..."

  • Vibrant Vibrator Play (Limerick) "A period play about vibrators? It sounds like an unlikely theme for a Broadway play, but playwright Sarah Ruhl pulls it off in her In the Next Room or the vibrator play. ..."

  • Wonderbra Song (To be sung to "Miracle of Miracles" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
    "Wonder of wonders.
    Miracle of miracles.
    Wonderbra can make you huge..."

  • Stupak Stupidity "The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion. ..."

  • Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans "Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. ..."

  • Gray Matters (Limerick)
    "Though young when I started to gray,
    I refused to say, “Gray, go away!” ..."

  • Keeping Abreast Of Bras (Limerick)
    "There are gals who view bras as a gift,
    For without ‘em their breasts are adrift. ..."

  • Stewing Over Stupak "This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn’t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It’s the Hyde Amendment on steroids. ..."

  • Our Liberal Media "Steve Benen points out the contrast between the coverage of two abortion-related polls: ..."

  • Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain "Sarcastic air-quotes around “health” in “health of the mother”? ...”

  • Sarah Who??? "Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake. ..."

  • Kristol-izing Feminism "So Bill Kristol’s a feminist. Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep. ..."

  • Vive La (Brain) Différence! Humorous verse about the differences between men's brains and women's brains.

  • Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns "I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls. ..."

  • Chick Flick Flack (Limerick)
    "When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
    To appeal to most women. How bent! ..."

  • Hillary Haiku

  • Chafing At "Chick" (Limerick)
    "When a guy calls a woman a chick,
    It strikes me as sexist and sick. ..."

  • Ballsy Limerick
    " Although males come equipped with two balls,
    There are men who ain’t ballsy at all. ..."

  • Ode to Ann Althouse
    "Some bloggers are easily shocked
    When gal lefties don't look like they're jocks..."

  • Those Unspeakable Meetings "Do men and women communicate differently at work? Yes, according to proponents of the "men and women are from different galaxies" school of thought. Women are said to be self-effacing and apologetic. Men, on the other hand, are described as convincingly confident ... even when they don't have the slightest idea what they're talking about..."

  • Ann's Master Plan "I've been trying to figure out why the mainstream media keeps letting Ann Coulter get away with verbal murder, and I have a theory that involves an odd form of sexism. Or is it reverse sexism? ..."

  • Big Boys Cry Uncle When Wrong
    "If someone used "gay" to mean coward,
    Aravosis would rightfully glower..."

  • Ode To Misogyny
    A liberal blogger named Kos
    Once was paid to offensive ad host..."

  • Guilt Springs Eternal "Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don't read women's magazines. Every March and April they're packed with "clean up and organize your life" articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action -- Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We'll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I'd rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow..."

  • A Squirrely Lesson "Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal..."

  • Ode To A Dull Drum Beat
    "Ev'ry ninety days or so,
    A blogger's post appears,
    That feigns concern for blogging gals
    Who pale beside male peers..."

  • Gender At Work "Our Portia has come up with an excellent solution." A trial judge said this about me several years ago in open court, when I was still a full-time litigator. I've never forgotten it. Not because it was a compliment to be compared to so formidable a lawyer as Shakespeare's Portia, although I think he meant it as a compliment..."

  • Valiant Guy's Guide To Valentine's Day "Attention guys -- it's time to get ready for Valentine's Day. After all, you don't want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn't think so..."

  • Religious Fervor, Or Fever? "Hey, Madeleine," my husband Mark recently said. "How would you like to convert..."

  • Fabulosa Condoleezza (To be sung to "Mona Lisa")
    "Condoleezza, Condoleezza, Dub adores you.
    You're so fine at saying falsehoods with a smile.
    Is it cause you're female, Condi, that they've blamed you
    For your fabulosa fakery and guile..."

  • Mad Gift Giving Guide "Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn't buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it's on sale..."

  • Is It Safe To Shop With Your Mate? "One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate..."

  • Directionless Study "This familial exchange should sound familiar: Spouse 1: We’ve been going in circles for hours. If you don’t stop for directions, I shall kill you..."

  • "Traitor" Chicks Serenade (To be sung to "Lollipop")
    "Call 'em Traitor Dixie Chicks, tell you why,
    Insulting Bush besmirches apple pie.
    So when they try to sing and play and dance,
    Man, they haven't got a chance..."

  • Bracing For That Blind Date "Are you facing yet another blind date with fear and dread? Are you tempted to throttle anyone who cajoles you into going out with an allegedly attractive friend? Believe it or not, blind dates can actually be fun..."

  • Mice-Capades "It was a classic scene, with a twist. Mouse scampers across the room. Woman leaps out of its path. And husband hurls himself onto the couch to join her..."

  • Held Up By Music-On-Hold "According to a recent study done by The Institute To Get Press Coverage By Conducting Studies, men's preferred phone-on-hold music is classical. Excuse me? Have you ever seen a man remain on hold long enough to hear more than three notes of anything? How many men do you know who can..."

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