Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist Latest Humor Columns
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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor


I hope you'll enjoy my animal and pet-related humor columns, light verse, and limericks by Madeleine Begun Kane

  • The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick)
    "It’s dark and we’re out on our deck.
    My sandals are off and then… Heck!
    I yell words rather worse
    And I scream and I curse
    And turn into a blubbering wreck..."

  • We Don’t Have A Dog’s Chance Of Dancing Like That "This “dog dancing the Merengue video” is so good, Mark and I may never try to Latin-dance again..."

  • Elephant Dung Coffee Beans? I'll Pass!
    "This brew concept’s hard to digest.
    It’s a crappy plan — far from the best..."

  • Limerick Ode To A Giraffe Lover
    "Dear giraffe-fan, invading the space
    Of a youngish giraffe invites chase..."

  • Sex Toys Are In The Eye Of The Beholder "Are the “dog toys” pictured in this article really meant for canines? Or are they sex toys for humans? You be the judge..."

  • Limerick Ode To “Take Your Dog To Work Day” "If the thought of dogs at work gives you pause, you might want to play hooky on “Take Your Dog To Work Day.” It’s celebrated each year on the first Friday after Father’s Day..."

  • Limerick Ode To Poultry Day
    "The chickens and turkeys squawk, “Beat it!”
    But they’re looking a wee bit defeated..."

  • Happy World Animal Day
    "In Honor Of World Animal Day, celebrated annually on October 4th, here are three endangered species limericks: Limerick Odes to the Tasmanian Forester Roo, the Hippopotamus, and the African Wild Ass..."

  • Limerick Dismay
    "A woman displayed her dismay
    At her pug, who refused to obey..."

  • Happy World Rhino Day
    "The rhino appears prehistoric,
    With a diet that’s vega-caloric..."

  • This Limerick's For The Birds
    "Here’s a riveting fact about birds,
    Which is likely to trigger foul words..."

  • Reining In Your Returns
    "To the folks who find horseback transcendent,
    Please beware, you could be a defendant..."

  • A Limerick To Bear In Mind
    "I’m not shocked that wild bears misbehave.
    We’ve been stealing their homes as we pave..."

  • Dear Deer
    "Dear deer, you’re adorable, true.
    But there’s one thing about you, I rue..."

  • Squirrely Limerick
    "A squirrel gave birth on my sill—
    Near my window AC unit’s grill..."

  • Happy Take Your Dog To Work Day!
    "I thought bringing your canine to work
    A superb way to look like a jerk..."

  • Dear Squirrel
    "Squatter-squirrel, please scat — go away.
    This is my house — no wildlife! Okay..."

  • A Dog Of A Limerick
    "A wealthy old woman named Kate
    Left her dog an enormous estate. ..."

  • Catty Limerick
    "There once was a kitty named Brad
    Whose attraction to catnip was rad. ..."

  • South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons. "Are you a wine aficionado? A fan of pinot noir? Apparently baboons like pinot too, which is providing quite a challenge for South African vineyard owners and winemakers. ..."

  • First and Last Visit (Limerick)
    "I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
    And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze. ..."

  • Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."

  • A Squirrely Lesson "Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal..."

  • Dogged Journalism (Limerick) “At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? From a plethora of breathless press reports we learn that it’s a male Portuguese water dog puppy named Bo with a Kennedy pedigree. ...”

  • Ode To A Greedy Squirrel (Limerick)
    "A squirrel who wanted some food
    Did something I’d call rather rude: ..."

  • A Poodle Tale "I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents..."

  • Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis” (Limerick)
    “A dog trainer needed some cash,
    So she dreamed up a plan—made a splash: ..."

  • Puppy Love (Limerick and Haiku)
    "Dear puppy, how long will it be
    Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee? ..."

  • Bugged
    "Mosquitos are on the attack.
    They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."

  • Fishing For Company "I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that 'zebrafish - a common aquarium pet - can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.' ..."

  • A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
    "There are folks who succumb to a weakness
    For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."

  • May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
    "Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
    Jolly England can help you, by golly: ..."

  • Yoga For What??? (Limerick)
    “There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
    Caught a canine-filled class on the air; ..."

  • Television Nightmares "Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, 'Oh my God!' ..."

  • A Lamb On The Lam "I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. ..."

  • Chinese Exports — The Real Poop (Limerick) "I was a bit grossed out to learn that “The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues… .”

  • Doggone Limerick
    "“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
    “You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite. ..."

  • Ode To Genetically Altered Cats (Limerick)
    "Do cats make you suffer and wheeze?
    There’s a cure for some real hefty fees: ..."

  • Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
    “Mosquitos are driving me mad.
    Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."

  • Marriage Catch (Limerick)
    "Said the fellow, 'I need some advice.
    Tell me how I can catch me some mice, ...'"

  • Bugged By Ads "If you saw what looked like an insect on your television screen, what weapon would you reach for? A wad of tissues, perhaps? Okay, let's make the bug more menacing than your average house invader -- let's make it a cockroach. I'm guessing you'd grab a sacrificial magazine, roll it up, and take a swing at the screen. A swing strong enough to demolish the roach (you hope), while leaving your TV set more or less intact..."

  • Mice-Capades "It was a classic scene, with a twist. Mouse scampers across the room. Woman leaps out of its path. And husband hurls himself onto the couch to join her..."

  • Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
    “'Wanna ride?' says a cop on the force.
    I decline, though politely, of course. ..."

  • Dog Days Of Roofing (Limerick)
    "Our roofers must enter your yard,
    But their access is blocked by your guard..."

  • Dog of a Defense (Comic Strip)

  • Dog Days of Dubya (Comic Strip)

  • Appearances Count (Limerick)
    "Her appearance took all by surprise,
    For her hair had succumbed to some dyes. ..."

  • Humor by Madeleine Begun Kane on Google+

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