I hope you'll enjoy my animal and pet-related humor columns, light verse, and limericks by Madeleine Begun Kane
The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick) "It’s dark and we’re out on our deck.
My sandals are off and then… Heck!
I yell words rather worse
And I scream and I curse
And turn into a blubbering wreck..."
Sex Toys Are In The Eye Of The Beholder "Are the “dog toys” pictured in this article really meant for canines? Or are they sex toys for humans? You be the judge..."
Limerick Ode To “Take Your Dog To Work Day” "If the thought of dogs at work gives you pause, you might want to play hooky on “Take Your Dog To Work Day.” It’s celebrated each year on the first Friday after Father’s Day..."
Limerick Ode To Poultry Day "The chickens and turkeys squawk, “Beat it!”
But they’re looking a wee bit defeated..."
Happy World Animal Day "In Honor Of World Animal Day, celebrated annually on October 4th, here are three endangered species limericks: Limerick Odes to the Tasmanian Forester Roo, the Hippopotamus, and the African Wild Ass..."
Limerick Dismay "A woman displayed her dismay
At her pug, who refused to obey..."
Happy World Rhino Day "The rhino appears prehistoric,
With a diet that’s vega-caloric..."
Dear Squirrel "Squatter-squirrel, please scat — go away.
This is my house — no wildlife! Okay..."
A Dog Of A Limerick "A wealthy old woman named Kate
Left her dog an enormous estate. ..."
Catty Limerick "There once was a kitty named Brad
Whose attraction to catnip was rad. ..."
South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons. "Are you a wine aficionado? A fan of pinot noir? Apparently baboons like pinot too, which is providing quite a challenge for South African vineyard owners and winemakers. ..."
First and Last Visit (Limerick)
"I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze. ..."
Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."
A Squirrely Lesson "Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal..."
Dogged Journalism (Limerick) “At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? From a plethora of breathless press reports we learn that it’s a male Portuguese water dog puppy named Bo with a Kennedy pedigree. ...”
Ode To A Greedy Squirrel (Limerick)
"A squirrel who wanted some food
Did something I’d call rather rude: ..."
A Poodle Tale "I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents..."
Puppy Love (Limerick and Haiku)
"Dear puppy, how long will it be
Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee? ..."
Bugged "Mosquitos are on the attack.
They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."
Fishing For Company "I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that 'zebrafish - a common aquarium pet - can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.' ..."
A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
"There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."
Yoga For What??? (Limerick)
“There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
Caught a canine-filled class on the air; ..."
Television Nightmares "Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, 'Oh my God!' ..."
A Lamb On The Lam "I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. ..."
Chinese Exports — The Real Poop (Limerick) "I was a bit grossed out to learn that “The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues… .”
Doggone Limerick "“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
“You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite. ..."
Ode To Genetically Altered Cats (Limerick)
"Do cats make you suffer and wheeze?
There’s a cure for some real hefty fees: ..."
Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
“Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."
Marriage Catch (Limerick)
"Said the fellow, 'I need some advice.
Tell me how I can catch me some mice, ...'"
Bugged By Ads "If you saw what looked like an insect on your television screen, what weapon would you reach for? A wad of tissues, perhaps? Okay, let's make the bug more menacing than your average house invader -- let's make it a cockroach. I'm guessing you'd grab a sacrificial magazine, roll it up, and take a swing at the screen. A swing strong enough to demolish the roach (you hope), while leaving your TV set more or less intact..."
Mice-Capades "It was a classic scene, with a twist. Mouse scampers across the room. Woman leaps out of its path. And husband hurls himself onto the couch to join her..."
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
“'Wanna ride?' says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course. ..."
Dog Days Of Roofing (Limerick)
"Our roofers must enter your yard,
But their access is blocked by your guard..."
