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Madeleine Begun Kane,
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Madeleine Begun Kane


One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says "Let's shop together. It'll be fun."
b. Says "Meet me in hardware."
c. Vanishes.

2. In men's clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra.

4. While checking out men's underwear he:

a. Agrees to try argyle socks.
b. Balks at replacing torn shirts because "They're broken in just right."
c. Doesn't know his size. ("Mommy always buys my shorts.")

5. When you try on a dress he:

a. Tells you everything looks great.
b. Checks the price before giving an opinion.
c. Snores.

6. At the jewelry counter he:

a. Admires a pair of his-and-her gold rings.
b. Claims to prefer flashy trinkets.
c. Promises to buy you something nicer "off the truck."

7. In electronics he:

a. Helps you choose a home computer.
b. Asks for easy-to-use software for the "little lady."
c. Watches the game.

8. At the video store he:

a. Finds a classic film you'll both enjoy.
b. Hides out in the "adults only" department.
c. Suggests you buy a work-out tape.

9. In the book shop he:

a. Walks you to fiction where you discuss favorite authors.
b. Tells you he could write a Best Seller, if he only had the time.
c. Sprints to the swimsuit calendars.

10. In the record store he:

a. Finds you a long sought cd on the discount rack.
b. Heads for hard rock.
c. Asks for the 45's.

11. At the toy mart he:

a. Helps select a game for your nephew.
b. Plays "People" non-stop on the electric piano.
c. Elbows children aside to play video games.

12. At "Pets R Us" he:

a. Oohs and aahs at kittens and pups.
b. Sneezes violently.
c. Mentions a childhood mishap involved parakeets and snakes.

13. In the pharmacy he:

a. Whips out a shopping list.
b. Pretends not to know you, while you ask for tampons:
c. Makes you buy the condoms.

14. At the supermarket he:

a. Says "You do aisles 1 to 8 and I'll handle 9 to 16."
b. Spends hours selecting beer and chips.
c. Appears stunned by the invention of scanners."

15. If the supermarket line is long he:

a. Offers to save your place while you look around.
b. Pressures you to leave.
c. Wanders off to munch on "free samples."

16. If something you bought is defective he:

a. Offers to return it.
b. Tries to convince you it "isn't all that bad."
c. Hides to avoid "a scene."

When you've finished this quiz, total your abc's. If you have ten or more a's, you two may safely attempt a trip to the mall. Fewer than ten a's? Seriously consider leaving him home.

And if you have more than ten c's, check his parents' refund policy. Perhaps his folks will take him back.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
1st Published Buffalo Magazine

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