Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 68   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

May 7, 2002

Dear Diary -- What's happenin ta my perfectly tight ship? White or some underling went ta Congress behind Rummy's back & made noise bout him dumpin that Crusader thing they're so attached ta. So Ashy wants ta dump White, even though we've been hopin ta embarass White inta leavin volunteerlike. But no matter what we do, he refuses ta get embarassed!

And if that wasn't bad enuff, the damned INS turned over Ashy's favorite top-secret document ta the GAO. That damn list of 9/11 detainees was supposta be locked up just as tight as the detainees.

Ashy figures Ziglar did it on purpose outta spite, & I bet he's right. All I can say is Ziglar sure is lucky Ashy's a religious man. Cause Ashy's really strong when he gets mad.

And speakena mad, Dick's still mad at me bout the "peein on the Oval Office door" pic I showed at the Correspondents dinner. And of course wifey Lynne's mad bout that too & bout the whole Ozzy Osbourne business. But then Lynne's pretty much always mad.

Anyway, I don't see what the big deal is bout that Dick photo. Besides, I had ta do somethin funny, & they wouldn't let me show any more neked pics a Jeb on accounta he wants ta be Prez some day, just like me.

But at least there's some good news -- On Friday we pulled off a Clean Water Act change that should drive the green types crazy. And Nobody Noticed! The press was too busy havin a good ol time at the Correspondents dinner ta pay it no mind. That Karl's a schedulin genius!

Of course I'd be a whole lot happier without Sharon on my schedule. Dealing with centuries and years a hatred is real hard! And that feller is even madder than Dick, Ashy, Lynne, & Rummy combined.

May 9, 2002

Dear Diary -- That damn Jimmy Carter's been spoutin off against my missile shield. I should fix his wagon by changin his Cuba ticket ta one way.

And speakina sending Presidential has-beens outta the country, they made me make nice ta Clinton on accounta me blamin him fer the Mideast mess, even though I still say it's his fault. So I had ta let Condy invite him ta lead a delegation ta Timor. I thought fer sure he'd say no, but he didn't. I guess the poor guy's desperate fer attention now that he's not gettin that Oprah TV show.

Anyway, I'm still mad that so many people wanted me ta let him help out with the Mideast. Though things went so bad with Sharon Tuesday, that I sure coulda used some help. Not that I'm about ta admit it!

Of course I can always say if it wasn't fer that last terrorist attack, I woulda had everyone right on the road ta a path ta talkin bout peace.

At least I did get Arafat ta say somethin bad bout terrorism. And I even managed ta pronounce it an incredibly positive development -- with a straight face!

I've gotta go now & meet with Powell, who's turnin out ta be a real odd bird. He's been in an extra bad mood lately. And when I asked why, he grumbled somethin bout ducks flyin the coop. I figured he was talkin bout escaped prisoners. But it turns out he was talkin bout real ducks.

May 10, 2002

Dear Diary -- I've got great news -- That mean Ferrell guy who pretends ta be me on Saturday Night Live is leavin the show. I guess he isn't man enuff ta impersonate a popular wartime Prez.

I still think imitatin me shouldn't be legal. But Ashy says it is, & that me signin a reg sayin otherwise wouldn't fly on accounta the damn 1st amendment. I don't understand why not -- it worked like magic with the Presidential papers.

Anyway, I'll never ferget the time I caught Laura & the twins laughin at some Ferrell routine when they thought I wasn't lookin. Of course I gave em all the silent treatment fer almost a week. But they still claim they were really laughin at the guy doin Gore.

Speakina Laura, she's real nervous bout next week's trip ta Europe & other countries. It's the first time she'll be representin me abroad & she's worried she'll make a mistake. But I told her, "You'll be fine -- just don't say anything I wouldn't say."

Dubya's Dayly Diary Main Page

Dubya's Dayly Diary Archives

Song Parodies & Music Humor

More Political Humor

Ode To Kenny Boy (To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy")

Dick Cheney Parody Interview

Pretzel Producers Allege Dubya Defamation, File Multibillion Buck Lawsuit

Comics' Relief: Late Night Comedians Begin Group Therapy

George Dubya Bush Channeler Seeks Therapy

Subscribe to MadKane Humor

Mad Kane's Latest Humor Columns

Liberal Links

Return Home (MadKane.com)