Here's where I archive my Nov. 1-10, 2002 Notables Weblog posts. For my most recent blog postings, click here. And please don't forget to check out my latest humor columns, Dubya's Dayly Diary, and my other political humor.

November 10, 2002

• As a "recovering lawyer," I feel compelled to ask this question:

       Now that Winona Ryder's been convicted, will Hollywood insurance carriers be imposing a "No Ryder" rider?

  Sorry. I just couldn't help myself.

• I dedicate this to a certain would-be Senate Minority Leader. (If you'd like to sing along, here's a midi link which opens a second window.)

  Tommy's Tune (To be sung to "Alfie" by Hal David & Burt Bacharach.)
  By Madeleine Begun Kane

  What's it all about, Tommy?
  Why did Dems get such paltry few wins?
  What's it all about,
  When you sort it out, Tommy?
  Are Dems meant to leak seats like a sieve?
  Oh how did we fall behind?

  Are we
  Only tools aligned, Tommy,
  With a Prez who's disguised as a fool?
  DC life belongs
  Only to the strong, Tommy.
  Why did you bend when we so need a mule?

  As sure as I believe
  There's a heathen in charge, Tommy,
  I know there's something much more,
  Something even stunned progressives
  Can believe in.

  I believe in guts, Tommy.
  Without true guts we just exist, Tommy.
  Until you find the balls you've lost, you're nothing,
  Tommy.

  Please don't balk. Act with heart. Lead the way.
  And you'll beat Rove one fine day,
  Tommy,
  Tommy.

  © November 8, 2002 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.

• What the hell has Terry McAuliffe been sniffing? Crapola like that makes me want to sign this petition. BusyBusyBusy deconstructs McAuliffe's comments here.

• There's only one possible explanation for the "musical catfight" posting over at Rittenhouse. The election's driven poor Jim Capozzola quite insane.

• Here's something creepy: The U.S. Army's latest recruiting tool is a computer game. I haven't tried it, but according to a review I heard on NPR (WNYC) it's hellish to install. But then again, so is war.

• As always, Dubya's deep thoughts are here.

• Martin Frost seeks Dick Gephardt's gig on the Roll Over And Play Dead plank.

• Nancy Pelosi vies for Gephardt's job on the My Kid's Flick Humanized Bush, But Vote For Me Anyway plank.

• "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." - Will Rogers

  "After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood." - Fred Thompson

  "Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship." - Harry S. Truman

  "The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop." - P. J. O'Rourke

• Another fine edition of Carnival of the Vanities is up.

• Last month when I wrote my Irresolution Blues parody, I caught some flack from fellow Liberals and Democrats for being too rough on my party. In retrospect, I don't think I was rough enough.

• "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies." - attributed to both Groucho Marx and Ernest Benn

  "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." - Plato

  "The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary." - H. L. Mencken

• I've been struggling for hours to come up with something positive to say about the election, and I've finally got it: Election 2002 is the death knell of Bush's 2004 Presidential campaign. Think about it. Two years from now, when the country is in even worse shape, who will Bush be able to convincingly blame? Clinton? Naaaah! A GOP-controlled House and Senate? Hardly. A Judiciary jam-packed with right-wing gems? Nope. With all branches of federal government at his beck and call, Bush -- and the rest of us -- will only have himself to blame.

  Hey -- a girl's gotta dream!

• As if we didn't have enough problems, health care professionals fear an outbreak of National Election Withdrawal Syndrome ("NEWS").

• Here's a terrific letter to the editor that appeared in Friday's Newsday. (I'm proud to say it was written by my father, Ernest Begun, who's been a liberal his entire life and an Internet fiend since he turned 85.)

       Election Message

       The media have overlooked the most important body that has a vote on whether the United States attacks Iraq. It is not Congress, which gave President George W. Bush a virtual blank check to make war.

       It is not the UN Security Council from which the Bush administration is looking for a rubber stamp to make war. The most important vote will be ours, when we go to the polls on Nov. 5.

       I believe that this war initiative is being used to distract the public from a failing U.S. economy and the administration's dirty linen in the Enron, Harken and Halliburton scandals. Those who worry that attacking Iraq could unleash chaos in the Mideast and terrorism globally should remember they still have a vote that could stop this. A sharp rebuke in the midterm elections is the one message that the Bush administration cannot ignore.

       Ernest Begun
       Massapequa Park

• HANDLING HARVEY
  By Madeleine Begun Kane

  CHENEY: Good morning, Mr. President. We need to discuss the Pitt problem. If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Harvey to resign. (Wink, wink)

  DUBYA: But I like Harvey. More important -- our pals like Harvey. What's the matter with yur eye?

  CHENEY: There's nothing wrong with my eye! If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Pitt to resign. (Wink, wink)

  DUBYA: I just told ya -- I'm not dumpin Harvey! Ya really should get that eye looked at.

  CHENEY: My eye's fine, damn it! Look! We're not dumping the guy. We're just mulling over the idea of asking him to resign. (Wink, wink)

  DUBYA: Does it hurt?

  CHENEY: What?

  DUBYA: Yur eye. Does it hurt?

  CHENEY: No! But you're giving me chest pains.

  DUBYA: Like I keep tellin ya, ya really need ta start workin that treadmill.

  CHENEY: Who the hell has time for treadmills? Okay, you really need to pay attention to this.

  DUBYA: Ta what?

  CHENEY: Let's start over. What's happening Tuesday?

  DUBYA: That's easy! It's me & Laura's silver weddin anniversary.

  CHENEY: Right, but what else happens on Tuesday?

  DUBYA: Did I show ya the great present I got fer her?

  CHENEY: Several times. Now we need ta move on.

  DUBYA: Dya think she'll like it?

  CHENEY: Wives always appreciate sculptures of their husbands. Now we really need to...

  DUBYA: I was plannin ta keep it at the ranch. But maybe it should stay right here in the Oval and keep me & Churchill company.

  CHENEY: Whatever...

  DUBYA: What's a good spot fer it?

  CHENEY: I don't give a flying...

  DUBYA: Hey Karl, how's tricks?

  ROVE: Fine, Mr. President. Dick, did you talk to him about our Pitt problem?

  CHENEY: Yes, but I didn't get anywhere. Maybe you should...

  ROVE: Mr. President, where are you going?

  DUBYA: I'm late fer my mornin workout.

  ROVE: Hold on a sec, Mr. President. We need to talk about Pitt. Don't bring the subject up, of course. But if anybody asks, we're mulling over asking for Pitt's resignation.

  DUBYA: Like I already told Dick -- I'm not dumpin Harvey!

  ROVE: Look, the election's tight. The Pitt/Webster thing's hurting us. We just need to look like we're taking this thing seriously till after the election.

  DUBYA: But we can't dump...

  ROVE: We're not dumping. We're mulling dumping.

  DUBYA: But I like...

  ROVE: Okay, let's try this: If anyone asks you about Pitt, just say you remain committed to cracking down on corporate crime. Can you do that?

  DUBYA: No problemo! What didn't you say so the first time? Hey, check out the great gift I got Laura!

  © November 2, 2002 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.

• I've posted a new entry in Dubya's Dayly Diary. His latest thoughts about "campaign speechifyin," DC's dearth of rabbit hunters, and a spanking new unpatriotic book are just a click away.

• Does anyone else think the 78 count indictment of Enron's Fastow roughly a nanosecond before the election was an interesting bit of Karl Rovian scheduling? And it might even have suckered voters into believing Bush's anti-corporate crime verbiage, if it weren't for the latest episode of The Pitt Principle.

• I'm psyched! Can you think of anyone better than Al Franken to usher in election week? Me neither. Anyway, I heard him interviewed on NPR (WNYC) yesterday and found out he's performing at New York City's Joe's Pub this coming Monday and Tuesday evenings (Nov. 4th and 5th.) My husband and I are catching Monday's early show (7:30) and I can't wait. Anybody else coming? Drop me a line -- it would be cool to meet.

• Here's a short Flash feature on the Dirty Dozen politicos leading us off to war. Thanks to JD for the link.

• And while I'm in Flash mode, here's Bush doing what he does best. (Be sure to click on "hips.")

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