(To be sung to the tune of "The Impossible Dream" from "Man Of La Mancha")
To scheme an insidious scheme,
Where every dissenter's my foe,
To act like I share people's sorrow,
To run three fast miles in a row.
To right Bin the evil one's wrong,
To preach against vice my bete noir,
To lie when the truth is too glaring,
My legacy cannot be marred.
To wage a perpetual war,
To fight an unlimited foe,
I served in the war as a no-show,
I hid when the brave dared to go.
To try what has never been tried,
To reach for more power by far,
Cause I believe I should be Emperor,
And do what I want on a lark.
This is my quest,
To follow my star,
No matter how costly,
No matter how far,
To fight for what's mine, without heeding the law.
Who is willing to march into hell for my heavenly cause?
And I know, if you'll only be true to my glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and pleased though you're laid to your rest.
And my world will be better for this,
That one man born to Poppy and Bar,
Still strove against outpouring outrage,
To breach the Fed rules and be Czar.