Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 53   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

Jan. 21, 2002

Dear Diary -- Wow! I can't hardly believe I've been President fer one whole year. And what a fabulous year it's been! Fer me, anyway -- hahahah! I guess this is what it's like when ya hit the Trifecta!

Of course they made me low-key it this weekend on the celebration front. Cause they said it wouldn't be tasteful ta be merrymakin out loud while America's at war. Which is kinda a bummer, since I'm plannin ta keep us at war for a whole buncha years. Or at least long enuff to get me reelected.

Cause there's nothin better than a war to keep my poll numbers aflyin. Except fer that one damn dry-cleanin customers poll that Rummy stole out from under me.

It's not bad enuff that everyone's treatin Rummy like some kinda matinee idol. Which is laughable cause the guy's seriously old. I mean even his wife Joycey thinks the whole "Rummy's a macho hunk" thing's a big fat joke.

If anyone's a hunk round here it's the Commandor In Chief! I seen how the Secret Service guys look at me when I strip outside the ranch ta help Laura keep things clean.

But somehow or another, Rummy managed ta beat me out in the dry-cleaners "best-groomed American" poll that I usedta be numero uno on. I wouldna minded just bein beat by that Regis fella who stole my top spot, even though he's old too. But puttin Rummy at 2nd and me at 3rd? I demand a recount!

Laura says ta pay the poll no mind. It's just a temporary drop on accounta the photos a my mean-lookin pretzel wounds. And I bet she's right. Cause my face looks worse than our boys out fightin the evil doers.

Jan. 23, 2002

Dear Diary -- Good news! Laura's mom lost more than $8000 on Enron stock. Okay, maybe it's not such hot news fer her, I suppose. But like Karl says, havin an Enron victim in the family is great PR!

Cause her bad luck gives me an excuse ta act all kindsa outraged on behalfa the little people. Little people just like my Pain in the Royal A mother-in-law.

Actin outraged is one a my favorite things. And since some aides think my outrage against evil-doers is wearin thin, I can use somethin else ta be outraged bout.

So I had fun actin real mad at Enron yesterday in West Virginia. Fer instance, I talked bout how terrible it is that Enron misled its employees & shareholders. And I even said the government hasta do somethin bout it & make sure that kinda thing never happens again. Then I went back ta my regular stuff bout how we need ta be on our toes on accounta folks like the shoe man. And how we shouldn't over-regulate companies who are creatin jobs. Companies just like Enron -- hahaha!

As usual, nobody noticed my contradiction. Okay, the New York Times did. But who pays attention ta the Times?

Speakina contradictions, Daschle's spendin a ton on ads contradictin those great ads callin him things he deserves ta be called. Like obstructionistical tax raiser.

The guy's runnin scared. He's already lookin ta compromise on the Stimulus (I mean Economic Security) Plan. And he's even lettin Gephardt do the lyin Dems response ta my State a the Union Speech. Which is cool! Cause speakin better than that guy's a piece a pie.

I'm really lookin forward ta my speech, even though they won't let me use my favorite theme: Look how much better off ya are than 12 months ago!

But if I do good, they'll let me use it next year.

Jan. 25, 2002

Dear Diary -- Everyone's pretty pleased with how the "day in my life" TV special came out. Cause we were kinda worried on accounta Enron & the deficits & everything else. But Tommy went easy on me & hardly ever showed my pretzel bruises, just like we told em to. I guess NBC really likes my tax cut!

Actually, there was one bad part which has got Karl real steamed. He says Ari acted way too happy on camera bout trickin the media into coverin Enron as a business scandal insteada a political scandal. Karl says whenever ya dupe the press, you're supposeta celebrate in private.

And Karl isn't the only steamed fella round here. Ashy's PO'd over losin some school prayer case against the ACLU. Some idiot judge -- a liberal no doubt -- said makin the students say grace before VMI dinners is unconstitutional. So Ashy's fit ta be hog-tied & ready ta go lead the damned prayers himself.

But at least it's one a those real low courts & the case won't stand. I can't wait ta sick SCOTUS on em! Cause after my recess thingy, Antonio owes me some serious favors!

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