Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 46   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

Dec. 3, 2001

Dear Diary -- I was hopin ta do another rah-rah radio address Saturday. Cause battlin evil & threatenin ta smoke out Bin Laden always gives me a rush.

But they said I had ta talk bout the economy & remind people that the recession isn't my fault. Cause Clinton started it on the sly so nobody'd notice & the next guy'd be stuck with the blame.

Except that's not gonna happen. The economy stole away Poppy's second term, but I won't let it do it ta me. In fact, Ashy's so clever, he'll probably find a way ta get me three. And though bein President isn't as good as bein Dictator, three or four terms comes pretty damn close. Especially with all my new "say goodbye ta balance a power" tools.

So like I keep repeatin, the Dems have got ta stop ditherin & pass my stimulus package before the holiday break. Cause I owe a whole lotta people Christmas gifts. And my GOP Donor Bonanza Bill will take care a mosta my list.

Which reminds me -- I had way too many Dem donors ta the White House Sunday. A whole buncha entertainment industry folk, attendin the Kennedy Center Honors reception. I prefer partyin with sports guys any day.

There was one great part though -- the place was packed with celebs like Oprah, Nicholson, Pavarotti, Michael Douglas & Warren Beatty. And I drove the press nuts by bannin em from the bash..

Dec. 4, 2001

Dear Diary -- Good news! The missile test was a great success. Okay, we did give the thing a little help in the aimin department. But what's a little cheatin between friends?

And speakin bout friends, or I should say ex-friends, Ashy has ta appear before that annoyin Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday. The nerva those guys, wantin him ta defend my terroristic laws. Would they rather Bin Laden hire a fancypants lawyer & parade him all over Osama TV?

Anyway, we figured it's a good time fer another high alert. And ta talk a whole lot bout Bin Laden's bein a nucular threat. Even tho those scary plans they found layin around turned out ta come from some comedy website.

Cause like Karl says, it's easier ta play the patriotism card when everyone's extra nervous. And though the damn Dems are into protectin the Constitution, they're even more into protectin their jobs.

You gotta love that Karl -- he's almost as shadowy as the Evil One. Now if he can only get the debt limit raised, without anybody pinnin it on me.

Dec. 5, 2001

Dear Diary -- My little brother Jeb called in an IOU last week. So yesterday I did a "ignore the terror alert & travel ta Florida"speech. Let's hope nobody noticed that airline security's only improved on paper.

I also took a buncha questions from unemployed types at a town hall meetin & gave out lotsa helpful advice. Like when one guy bitched that his SBA loan ap was lost in red tape, I told him ta get the hell into his car & find out why. I also told him what I think a bureaucrats.

Durin the speech I told those laid off Florida folks how cool it is ta own a home. I also entertained the crowd with stories bout Mom's bad cooking. But Jeb didn't think it was funny & said he's gonna tell.

I suppose my Florida trip was easy compared ta the one we dumped on Powell. He's runnin around Europe tryin to make nice with our allies. Cause they're all in a tizzy on accounta they've got humanitarian aid troops ready ta help out in Afghanastan, & Tommy Franks won't let em in. But Tommy's in charge a the offensive. And if he says feedin folks'll complicate his job, then eatin's just gonna have ta wait.

I gotta go now and talk ta Dick bout Weasely Waxman & the Ken Lay/Enron mess. Cause Waxman's stirrin up secret energy meetin trouble again. Damn! The war shoulda put that issue ta bed.

I sure would love ta put a lid on that guy. What a shame that Waxman's a citizen!

Dec. 6, 2001

Dear Diary -- Bein President means never havin ta decorate your Christmas tree. Too bad it doesn't mean never havin ta say you're sorry.

Actually it sorta does. Except fer family members. And I have a truckful a mad family members demandin apologies.

Fer instance, Mom's still PO'd over my cookin crack. Hell, everyone knows she can't cook worth a damn. But they're all too scared a her ta ever say a peep.

Then there's Laura, who claims I trampled over a buncha her lines when we were talkin ta Barbara Walters. Maybe I was, but shouldn't tramplin be a Presidential privilege? If I can order secret military trials, I should be able ta trample over an occasional wife word. And anyway, it's not as though she was sayin anything important.

But the worst is Poppy. Everyone says I owe him a big time apology -- even Tony Blair. On accounta what I said ta Barbara Walters bout sendin Poppy ta represent America at some UK ceremony. Somethin bout me appreciatin Tony's makin the old boy feel part a the process.

So what's wrong with that? When I'm an old geezer like Poppy, I'd be thrilled ta have my child be President & send me on missions so I can feel useful.

Damn! Laura really shoulda produced me a son!

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