Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 42   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

Nov. 5, 2001

Dear Diary -- Laura's been feelin neglected lately cause I'm so busy fightin the war. But we managed ta squeeze in a nice weekend at Camp David. It doesn't compare ta the ranch, but I guess it'll have ta do.

We even had a nice party ta celebrate Laura's birthday. It went real well except fer her gettin mad at me just cause I told a buncha reporters how old she is. I tried ta make it up ta her by sayin she looks real good fer 55. But that got her even madder.

But not as mad as I am at Larry Klayman. His Judicial Watch is suin over my Presidential papers order, & our lawyers say he'll probably win. But I told em that's not gonna happen. Cause the Supreme Court really likes me -- hahaha!

This isn't the first time Klayman's tried ta make trouble fer me. He also sued over Dick's big donor payback bash. I liked him much better when he was harassin Clinton.

McCain the Pain's also at it again. He's bitchin that the wrong plane security bill passed cause I bought votes. Well of course I bought votes! How else am I supposed ta keep those security companies flush fer my 2004 campaign?

I've gotta forget that stuff & clear my brain cause I'm in fer a busy week. Fer instance, I'll be talkin to lotsa the coalition -- Gotta keep those folks in line! And I'll be speakin ta the American people bout the ways our everyday lives have changed since 9/11 and how none of it's my fault.

I'll also point out that if I can risk my life throwin a great pitch at a World Series game without bein rattled, they should stop bein nervous over a little white powder. I probably shouldn't mention the 2,000 plus security fellas protectin me on the rooftops and stands.

I guess I also haveta leave out how glad I am the Diamondbacks put the Yanks in their place. But there'll be plenty ta talk bout -- my usual optimism line and the stuff bout how our values are much better than terrorist values. Plus I'll say it's important to keep the People informed bout the dangers & how we're meetin em. Funny thing bout the American People -- whenever I tell em it's important that I do somethin, they think I'm actually doin it.

Nov. 7, 2001

Dear Diary --I gave one a my "either yur with us or yur agin us" speeches yesterday by video ta some meetin in Poland. I told em that in my fight against terrorism, nobody can drive in neutral. And that the economy is like a car with a red warnin light lit on the dashboard. No, wait -- the red warning light's from some other speech.

Now I remember -- I told em the evil one's seekin nucular weapons. And that the Taliban doesn't let kids fly kites. Hmmm -- I wonder if they let em play baseball.

But I fergot to use the great line I got from Rummy -- that we're makin measurable progress in Afghanistan. I love lines that mean absolutely nothin!

Which is exactly what mosta the coalition promises are worth. I can't wait till Saturday, when I get ta stick ta the UN!

But before then I'm goin to Atlanta -- on Thursday I think -- ta give a pep talk ta the CDC. And later on I'm givin another pep talk ta the Nation. I love givin pep talks -- they remind me of my good ol cheerleadin times. Only these days I get ta be a player..

I just hope I have good news ta report on Thursday. Though there's always Rummy's measurable progress.

Nov. 8, 2001

Dear Diary -- I met with Tony Blair yesterday & we agreed that we're fightin a new kinda war. And that we're doing real well at shuttin down caves. We also agreed it's gonna take quite a while & it won't be a Kodak moment.

Tony's kinda upset cause some people think he's too eager ta please me. And that he's been actin like he's my poodle. So I tol him if he's thrown outa office, I'll be happy to adopt him. Those Brits have no sensa humor!

And he's not the only one in a bad mood. Lotsa people are blamin me fer Tuesday's GOP losses. They're even sayin I shoulda stomped the campaign trail & helped out. But I gotta war to attend ta. Plus there's my own election ta worry bout in 2004. So I've gotta look like I'm above the fray -- even tho I'm chock in the middle of it.

Which reminds me -- I still haveta decide what ta do bout Jeb's re-election campaign fundraiser comin up right after Thanksgivin. Jeb seems ta think I owe him big time. I can't imagine why!

Anyway, I had ta make nice by callin the gov losers. Plus they made me phone that annoyin just-pretend Republican Bloomberg. I still can't believe a rich media guy's mayor of New York.

And speakina rich media guys, Karl's havin a big powwow with a buncha brie & cheese eatin liberal Hollywood types this Sunday. It's some sorta positive war image propaganda meetin. Tho nobody's allowed ta call it that.

I haveta leave now fer the CDC ta check on our anthrax. And after that I've gotta cram fer tonight's support bolsterin speech.

Nov. 9, 2001

Dear Diary -- Boy am I steamed! I made my million pointsa light speech last night, & CBS & NBC didn't show it. They had some hellofa nerve! Presidents at war should get air time whenever I want. Besides, it's not as if they had anything good on like baseball.

The speech went pretty well fer a war progress report when there isn't any progress. I wanted ta postpone it till we had an anthrax answer and bin Laden all smoked out. But it looks like neither one's happenin any time soon. Bin Laden could be anywhere. And as fer tracin the anthrax letters, Mueller's guys don't have a prayer.

The anthrax thing probably woulda gone better if CDC wasn't such a hell-hole. Seeing that awful buildin almost had me rethinkin my tax cut. But then I came ta my senses.

Maybe goodie-goodie Jimmy Carter will wanna help out. He's inta all that science stuff. Plus he can work on a real buildin instead of a house. And ya never know. Perhaps an alt min tax refund winner will feel flush & throw CDC a few bucks ta bring the place upta code.

Anyway, my speech was real inspirin, if I do say so myself. I just love talkin bout the 2 Vs -- Volunteerin & Values. Claptrap like that always gets applause.

I also said that people have the wrong idea bout Americans as shallow, materialistic consumers ... but this is not the America I know. Then I told em ta go back ta livin their normal lives. And don't ferget ta shop!

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