Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 41   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

Oct. 29, 2001

Dear Diary -- I hear North Korea's Kim is mad at me fer callin him suspicious and secretive. He even wants an apology and thinks I don't have etiquette. Like I care! Earth ta Kim -- I don't have time fer you -- I'm busy fightin the evil one. As fer etiquette, at least I don't eat with chopsticks.

Those evil folks are keepin me so busy, I hardly have time ta watch ball games. And that's real annoyin cause baseball's my favorite thing, except maybe fer runnin. But as Dick likes ta say, we gotta get used to our new normalcy. And I guess that's mine.

It's too bad too. Cause watchin the Diamondbacks eat the Yankees alive at Camp David Saturday night was lotsa fun. Like I told em in China, I always root fer anyone but those overpaid Yanks.

Talkin bout rootin, I sure am rootin fer our military guys to smoke out that slippery Bin Laden. But it doesn't look good at all. Cause like Rummy said the other day, the guy's real rich -- even richer than the Yankees. Plus it's a very big world and there's lotsa countries. Still & all, gettin him dead or alive is definiteably desirable -- specially the dead part..

Oct. 30, 2001

Dear Diary -- Good news! I can forget the evil one fer a while & throw out tonight's first pitch. Now if only the Diamondbacks' winnin streak continues & I don't screw up my throw. Cause I know what people are sayin behind my back -- that I throw worse than weenie Bill Clinton.

It'll be nice ta get away from DC -- even though it means goin to that awful Bronx. My Presidential pressure's much worse than I expected. And pretendin that Bible readin helps is gettin on my nerves.

Not that this is the best time ta be flyin round the country. The war's goin bad, our enemies still hate us, & anthrax is everywhere ya look. Plus Bin Laden could be anywhere and we've got another security alert -- whatever that means.

Ta make matters worse, some damn leaker told the world I'm goin ta the game.

It's all the press's fault -- they think they're owed information. Like why we're havin the alert and how come we keep hittin civilian targets. And why on earth our cluster bombs look just like food drops.

I hope they aren't holding their breath fer answers. Cause they'll be lucky if I give em the score.

November 1, 2001

Dear Diary -- Lotsa disappointments lately! Fer one thing, we've gotta go along with Clinton's arsenic regs. Cause these days people hate everything that begins with "a".

Plus Congress still hasn't come thru fer me. So I cracked the whip & told em get ta work & get somethin done! I need ta sign a GOP donor stimulus package ASAP -- while people are still distracted by anthrax.

And talk about disappointment, I can't believe the Yankees tied up the Series. Plus the game I went to -- the 3rd one -- stunk up the field big time! I came thisclose ta givin out a major league Bronx cheer. The only good part was my ass kickin pitch.

Except that lotsa people at the ballpark didn't see me throw cause they were stuck goin through security and missed mosta the game. But at least they saw me on TV.

I wonder if Cipro would help a real sore arm.

Nov. 2, 2001

Dear Diary -- I'm real upset with the CIA. They should be snuffin out evil doers. But instead they're readin a romance novel -- one that's bein made into an Arabian musical play.

Their excuse is it was maybe written by Saddam Hussein ... and that it may even be fulla code. But I don't believe it! Cause real men don't write romance novels. Hell, I wouldn't be caught dead even readin one. Though I wouldn't mind my A Charge To Keep bein turned into a musical -- if they could find a singer who looks like John Wayne.

Come ta think of it, America is a nation of good folks with good values, and anyone who hates it is an evil-doin coward. Which makes Saddam a yellow-bellied girly man, who maybe wrote the thing after all & loaded it with code.

That reminds me -- it's too bad Ron Reagan's & Poppy's papers weren't written in code. Cause there's some stuff in there that needsta be buried tight. So I signed an exec order that lets me keep em outta sight.

Poppy & lotsa my aides will sure be happy bout those papers. And so will Bunker Dick. But those nosy press types will be PO'ed big time. Serves em right!

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