Dubya's White House Daze -- Week 40   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

October 22, 2001

Dear Diary -- I can't believe all the borin meetins I had ta sit thru the last 3 days. It was all I could do ta stay awake. Actually, I did drift off once or twice. What do they expect? I'm focused like a laser on terrorism, and they keep talkin bout trade.

And I can't believe that nambypamby joint statement from 20 so-called leaders sayin the 9/11 murderous deeds were bad. The damn thing doesn't even mention Afghanistan & the evil one! And insteada complainin like I wanted to, I had ta say I'm gettin all the backin I need.

To add injury to insult, Zemin & Putin keep nagggin me ta end the war ASAP. (Dick says it may never end, but I didn't mention that.)

And Putin & Zemin are still makin trouble about my missile shield. Putin even embarassed me by sayin he doesn't think terrorists can capture & use intercontinental missiles. And he did it right there in public! I really hate needin those guys so much I haveta bite my tongue. It was better back in the G8 days when I could say whatever unilateral thing popped into my head.

The only good part bout this weekend is the nice bow & arrow Japan gave me. Plus I had a good excuse ta skip out early.

Anyway, I hate agreein with Hillary Clinton, but she sure wasn't kiddin when she said bein President's an awful job. Between all the meetins & goin ta places like China where you can't even get a decent burger, it's really rough!

Sometimes things get so bad I even think about givin Gore back the job. But the feelin doesn't last.

Oct. 23, 2001

Dear Diary -- Good news! My mid-November meetin with Putin is definitely on. And that means war or no war, I get to spend time at the ranch.

Of course, persuadin him ta visit DC & Texas sure wasn't easy. I had ta promise he wouldn't haveta open any mail.

I should probably cross that last line out -- I'm not supposed ta joke bout anthrax anymore. Cause the latest deaths have everyone goin postal.

The proof that things are upside down here is that lately I've been agreein more with Dems. Talk about scary! Fer instance, they support over-ridin the Cipro patent so we can stock up fer a big outbreak. And they wanna federalize airport security ta get the job done right.

But a lotta GOPers hate over-ridin patents, even fer emergencies. And they figure more federal union members mean more Dem votes. I suppose they're right. But if we have many more deaths, I'll end up just like Poppy -- a one term Prez.

Not that I agree with Dems on everythin these days -- not by a long shot. Fer instance, Gary Ackerman & a buncha others called me hypocritical fer denouncin Israel when it goes after terrorists even though we're doin the exact same thing.

Except that it's not the same thing at all cause ... uh ... uh.... Well, I'm not exactly sure why, but I know it's different.

Oct. 24, 2001

Dear Diary -- I shoulda stayed in China. Yeah, they made me wear a silk shirt, & the food's lousy, & I couldn't even go runnin outside. But that Jiang sure knows how ta keep things under control -- especially a press conference! And he probably wouldn'ta tested dogs fer anthrax before testin people.

Which is exactly what the CDC did, & that has the postal union uproarin mad. And while we're talking CDC screwups -- exposin bigwig reporters to anthrax at a press conference, isn't a great way to get good press.

Plus Congress still can't get into their offices & yesterday their voicemail when completely nuts. And Shimon Peres is ornerier than ever.

I met with Peres yesterday about withdrawin from Palestinian territory & things didn't go good. It didn't even help ta tell him we're also pressurin Arrafat. And that assassinating his cabinet minister is unacceptable behavior. Why can't he make nice like the IRA?

I'm off now to Baltimore -- I'm not sure why. Probably ta give a "we're makin great progress" speech. And to tell the People not ta worry -- I don't have anthrax.

Oct. 25, 2001

Dear Diary -- Damn that Daschle! I still can't believe Lott lost ta him in a game of hardball. That feller's earned himself a spot at the top of my punishment list. Okay, not the top spot -- that's reserved for the evil one. And not the spots right after that -- they're occupado by Bin Laden's al Qaida crew. And the ones right below go to the anthrax folks who may or may not be the same guys, but are evil just the same. But Daschle's definitely next on the list. Unless I put him right after Turncoat Jeffords.

Anyway, it seemed like a great plan Lott had -- hold up all the spendin bills to force Daschle to gimme my judges. We were sure he'd cave under the 9/11 patriotism card.

Except he didn't! He called our bluff, sayin I need the appropriations more than he does and "good luck." The nerva that guy! Except the problem is he's right -- I've flat run outta cards. Unless ya count Andy -- hahaha!

First Israel defies me & then Daschle. Who's next -- Tony Blair? No, that'll never happen. He just wouldn't dare!

Oct. 26, 2001

Dear Diary -- Bill Clinton's back in the news fer a change -- someone sent him vile salmonella in the mail. But it didn't get near him cause Clinton's no more likely to open mail than me. On the other hand, he actually likes ta read!

Accordin to our favorite talk show hosts, Clinton probably sent it to himself. Gee, I can't imagine who gave them that idea. K & K get more creative all the time!

Which reminds me -- I'm real sad ta hear Rush Limbaugh's goin deaf. And I hope he recovers soon -- that fella's a GOP angel! But in the meantime, I bet he has a new preciation fer the Disabilities Act.

At least there's some good news -- we got ourselves a terrorism bill. I still can't believe the Dems voted fer it! I guess they don't care so much bout civil liberties, when they're worried bout catchin anthrax.

I'm signin it this mornin and then, like Ari's always sayin, people better watch what they say. Especially when they're on the phone!

Dubya's Dayly Diary Main Page

Dubya's Dayly Diary Archives

Subscribe to MadKane Humor

Mad Kane's Latest Humor Columns

Liberal Links

Return Home (MadKane.com)