Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 30   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

August 13, 2001

Dear Diary -- I went on one a them TV shows Friday -- on ABC I think -- and showed off how much I love my Heartland ranch. Like I told the pregant girl that interviewed me, it's my home!!! Plus when I'm away more than a week I get antsy!

I thought the TV cameras did a good joba showin how nice & private it is. And the President needs privacy on accounta all the hard decisions he's gotta make. Not that I don't enjoy makin decisions. I love it when serious people come to me with options & I get to pick one!

Okay, sometimes pickin's hard on accounta the polls, like with those 30 or 60 or 90 stem cell lines -- or however many there are. But then I just read the Bible extra & pray & in a real emergency do eenie meenie minie moe.

Anyway, the interview started out with an annoyin sit-down that lasted so long it made my knees vibrate. I talked bout a buncha things -- stem cells & Israel & how people don't preciate how much I done fer arsnic & the environment. Mostly I explained that my decisions are the right decisions cause they're right for the American People & I made em the right way.

The walkin round part was much more fun. I made the reporter go up lotsa paths & got her real tuckered out, which made it hard to ask tuff qustions. That's what happens when you send a pregnant lady to do a man's job!

Except there was one bad part when I pretended I hadta return some world leader phone calls. The woman tried ta trick me by askin which ones & I got PO'd & couldn't think up any. But we didn't let em show that part -- sometimes lawyers come in handy!

I also got kinda peeved when she asked if I ever think bout Al Gore. I wanted to make fun of his beard, but Ari warned me not to. So instead I said I got too much on my mind fer nonsense like that.

I gotta go now & X out the Gorey partsa my diary.

August 14, 2001

Dear Diary -- I interrupted my golf game yesterday to make a veto threat, which always gives me a charge. I said I wouldn't sign anythin that underminds my stem cell opinions. And I won't! Cause I'm right & moral & they're not. And I'm also the President!

While I was at it, I also pleaded again fer Mideast peace. Those people just gotta stop it! And they needta get over it too!!!

After all, if Israel & the guy with the towel don't stop the fightin, they can't hardly expect me to make a framework fer stoppin it. Bein the leader of the world, I gotta lotta stuff on my plate. So it's upta the Mideasterners to decide ta be peacful & friendlylike. And sooner's better than later.

People keep sayin I needta do more. But they've gotta understand -- I'm doin everything I can. Besides, I don't know why they're botherin me bout this when it's really Clinton's fault. If Clinton hadna messed up last year's negotations I'd be able ta golf in peace.

I think maybe I'll go call a coupla world leaders. Either that or practice my swing.

August 15, 2001

Dear Diary -- They made me fly to Colorado Tuesday so they could photo me repairin a rocky trail. It turns out Colorado is kinda nice considerin it's not Texas. And I like that it isn't on the coast. Plus there's lotsa moral, heartlandlike people there. And I don't mean those enviro weeny types who discriminate against road buildin.

Luckily we had a greeny first amendment area far away from me just fer them! Free speech is okay I suppose, just so long as I don't havta hear it.

They got a nice shot a me log liftin & usin a saw which was cool, & I didn't even hurt myself this time. But I sure wish they hadna made me wear special gloves & glasses. I kept tellin em real men don't use that stuff. But then they reminded me I'm the President which is true.

I really didn't want to interrupt my vacation like this. It's only a month, after all! But they said telecommutin to the mountains wouldn't work as well as bein there and communin with the people. Besides, the trip gives me a chance to lecture folks on educatin characters, which is almost as much fun as fishin.

August 17, 2001

Dear Diary -- Those damn Dems are at it again -- accusin me of budget gimickry. I was kinda hopin that since it's vacation time they wouldn't notice. But Karl says don't worry cause the media don't like math any more than I do.

Speakena vacations, I'm finally back to mine after doin some heartland values business out west. Colorado was nice enuff, only way too cold fer my hot Texas blood. But New Mexico wasn't bad. It's kinda like Mexico, only newer.

Except New Mexico has some real annoyin 2nd graders. They kept insistin I'm from Washington DC, no matter how much I argued with em. Gotta get them text books changed to say 43 is a Texan thru & thru. Like I keep tellin people -- Texas is my home. It's where I will retire and pass away. Later rather than sooner, I hope -- hahaha.

Those kids also kept talkin bout some Woodrow White House mouse in between all that livin in DC business. But I got em back by tellin em my pet cat India ate Woodrow & all the other mice. Then they started cryin & their teacher made me leave.

Later on I did some fund raisin & other borin stuff. Then I went back to the ranch & called my Jewish friend Sharon and had an interestin conversation. We even made good progress on reachin an agreement that violence is bad.

I think I'll go challenge a coupla outta shape news guys to join me in a jog. On second thought, maybe I'll wait till it gets even hotter.

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