Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 29   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

August 6, 2001

Dear Diary -- It's great bein back at the ranch. I love havin nothin to do but pretend I'm thinkin bout stem cells.

And the cool part is it's real hot -- just the way I like it. And I'm a gettin a big kick outa makin the press sweat insteada the other way around.

Just before I left I told Dick how much I need a vacation & he wanted to know what I'm vacationin from. What a kidder! But I got him back by callin him to brag bout my bein a perfect specimen. Not bad for a guy who useta ... uh ... never mind.

The one thing that'd make my month off even better would be not doin the diary. But Poppy says I haveta keep writin it -- it's parta my legacy. But then he backed down and said since I did such a good job finessing Norwoody, I can skip a day once in a while. Laura offered to explain what finessin means. But I told her, Read My Lips -- No New Words of the Week Till I'm Done Vacationin!

August 8, 2001

Dear Diary -- Yup, I skipped a day -- so sue me! Maybe you can hire one of those hungry lawyers I fixed big time with my HMO Rights Bill -- hahaha!

Talkin bout lawsuits, Laura wantsta sue that awful, Clinton-lovin Talk Magazine fer what they did to the twins. But the lawyers say we cant on accounta that damned free speech business.

But we still got back at em. Ari fixed their wagon by addin em to our "Don't Even Give Em The Time of Day" Media Punishment List.

Ari's also been busy convincin people this is a workin vacation. I told him fine, just so long as I don't haveta do any work.

Gotta go now and celebrate somethin or other -- oh yeah -- the strengths that America values. Or is it the values that America strengthens? Or ... whatever.

August 10, 2001

Dear Diary -- I jumped the gun last night & made a stem cell research announcement -- much sooner than people expected. I love guns! Jumpin em is almost as much fun as shootin em.

I was plannin to wait fer a while. But then I started gettin tireda pretendin to ponder & bein accuseda panderin. Or is it pretendin to pander & bein accuseda ponderin? Anyway, I just wanted to get the thing over with, so I can enjoy the resta my vacation without people pressurin me to think.

Till almost the last minute, I was gonna outright ban all Fed fundin for the research. That way only one side would be mad at me. Plus I figured if Reagan wanted to support Fed fundin, he shoulda done somethin when he was in charge.

But then I had a relevation Wednesday when I hurt my finger. Feelin all that pain really put me in touch with the sufferin of the People.

So I decided to go fer it & say yes to a coupla bucks fer research. So little that maybe the Pope won't yell at me again. But if he does, I'm gonna blame it all on that pansy poem-lovin Jimmy Carter.

If it wasn't for Carter, I wouldna got hammered the other day & smashed my finger real hard doin one of those human home buildin compassionate conservative photo ops. And if this loses me the Cathlic vote, that feller's gonna be one sorry ex-President!

Dubya's Dayly Diary Main Page

Dubya's Dayly Diary Archives

Subscribe to MadKane Humor

Mad Kane's Latest Humor Columns

Liberal Links

Return Home (MadKane.com)