Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 28   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

July 30, 2001

Dear Diary -- I don't know who to be mad at first -- the damn Dems or those punishment-deservin GOP turncoats who keep votin based on self-interest insteada mine.

And it's all Jezebel Jeffords fault -- he started the whole thing! Now on accounta him, nothin's goin the way how I want -- no matter how many arms & legs I twist.

But K & K say don't worry -- they did a buncha market research & have some great ideas fer stuff I can do without Congress & get all the credit. All sortsa family values & children appreciation & character stuff that doesn't cost anything & makes me look like I care bout the little people.

I especially like the one bout encouraging email between kids and their grandparents. Plus that great one where we tell the media to report good news, especially when there isn't any.

Speakena good news, lilly-livered Jimmy Carter chickened out & took back a buncha bad stuff he said bout me. One day he's disappointed in almost everything I've done and a coupla days later he has the greatest personal respect for me. I can't imagine what would make him change his mind so fast -- HaHaHa!

I still hope a buncha his houses fall down & he gets sued-- maybe one of those classy action suits. Now there's one lawsuit I could get behind!

July 31, 2001

Dear Diary -- Lotsa people are mad bout Bill Clinton's Harlem office & movin in party he had yesterday. But I wasn't at first -- I figured anything that keeps him outta town is fine by me.

Except that even when he leaves DC he isn't outta my hair. I was giving a big speech yesterday, when a buncha TV stations cut away & covered Clinton's speech insteada mine. I got so mad, I came real close to usin a word I'm not allowed to say anymore.

But then I remembered that great Wall Street Journal story -- the one that figured outta way to blame that G-8 demon strater's death on Clinton, & I felt much better.

Anyway, Ari says don't worry -- he'll fix their wagons & remind their memories who the real President is. Besides, I know how to get back at Clinton -- from now on I'm addin a line in every speech bout how my tax cut is rescuin the People from Clinton's sputterin economy.

I hate has-been ex-presidents! Except Poppy, of course.

August 3, 2001

Dear Diary -- What a great week this is turnin into, even tho it started out kinda bad. Fer instance, I guess our math was even fuzzier than I thought -- cause we haveta borrow a whole buncha money to pay for the tax rebate. But here's the good part -- hardly anyone even noticed! Fightin over patients rights & energy sure is a great distraction.

And talkin bout energy, we had a terrific victory in the House. They passed my bill cause we showed em howta break a gridlock. And we didn't even havta break too many legs -- hahahah!

A lotta papers are even callin it a crushin defeat for those enviro-nut green types. And any day now the sounda Alaska drillin's gonna be money to my ears.

Of course Kerry's threatenin to make trouble in the Senate. Someone really needsta tell him that polar bears don't vote.

Speakena drillin, I pulled a real fast one on Norwoody & his annoyin patients bill. I still can't believe what a sucker he is. Not that I'm complainin -- guys like that have their uses. But when I'm through with him and have a bill I can sign, that feller's gonna be happy to go back to drillin teeth.

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