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Dubya's Dayly Diary       Subscribe to MadKane Humor

(Updated each weekday unless Dubya's "Gone Fishin'")

Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 22   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

June 18, 2001

Dear Diary -- Boy am I glad to be back home in God Bless America! I'm soooo tired of diplobabble. And of havin good meetins & lookin guys straight in the eye & tryin to remember that Africa isn't a country. Plus I haven't had a good taco & workout in days.

Speakin of eyes, that Putin sure has scary, spyin eyes. I kept havin to look away even tho I wasn't supposeta. On the other hand, he does seem to be a good family man. And by coincidence his daughters are named Barbara & Jenna. So I guess we're fated to ... uuuh ... time out for a second...

I'm back. Ari was peekin over my shoulders like I don't tell him to. And he says Putin's daughters aren't named Barbara and Jenna, after all. They're named after Putin's mom and mom-in-law. So that means Putin's a liar. He's gonna be real sorry he tried to trick me by ... uuuh ... time out again...

Ari said it wasn't a trick -- I miscomprehended him. Still & all, I don't trust that Putin nohow! And I'm gonna tell the People exactly how I feel in my next speech about ... damn that Ari -- he's botherin me again...

Ari says I found Putin to be "very straightforward and trustworthy" plus I really liked his soul. At least for now.

June 19, 2001

Dear Diary -- I just got home from Europe & already they're pesterin me bout goin back in July. To Italy & the UK, I think. And to that really bad car country I never can pronounce. The one with Kosovo in it. I still don't understand why everyone can't come to me.

Good news! It looks like whatever FERC did bout California prices stopped the damn Senate Dems in their energy eatin tracks. Note to self: Ask Dick to explain the difference between price controls and mitigatin price spikes just one more time. Another note to self: Ask Laura what mitigatin means.

June 21, 2001

Dear Diary -- Wow, it looks like Karl is gonna get away with his funny stock business scotch-free! I was sure Tom Daschund would go after him. But the guy weenied out. He said he won't do retaliation investigations. Well, if he wants to pretend to have integrity that's fine by me!

On the other hand, Daschund threatened to cancel the Senate's July 4th break if his "lawyers get rich quick scheme" doesn't pass. As if I care. I don't know bout the rest of em, but I'm takin a vacation.

But before I do, they're makin me go to enemy turf again -- the Big Bad Apple. The only good part about that city is their ball teams.

Laura wants to see the Nazi Broadway show, and I told her it's not happenin. Not after the way the producer dissed me, sayin he'd save a seat for Clinton but not for me. As a joke, I told her if she wants to go, she's gonna have to do a girls night out with HRC. But insteada laughin, she said it sounded like a fine idea & she'd call Hillary right away. I sure hope she was kiddin.

That reminds me -- I hear Fox is in trouble on accounta decoratin his Prezidential Mansion with $400 towels and $17,000 remote-controlled curtains. I'd better warn him to keep old sticky-fingers Clinton far away.

Actually it turns out a buncha the WH stuff the Clintons stole wasn't really stolen and they're gettin em back. Too bad! But with luck, nobody'll notice.

June 22, 2001

Dear Diary -- My HMO pals are gettin nervous, so yesterday I made a veto threat. I love scarin Senators with veto threats! I told em I'm gonna keep sendin bills back till they get em right. And I do mean right -- hahaha!

But Karl says don't celebrate just yet. Cause no matter what stories we put out, people keep supportin that damn Dem bill. He says the anti-lawyer angle isn't workin cause people hate HMO's even worse than they hate lawyers. There's no accountin for taste!

And we were sure our "make em think their employers will stop insurin them" scheme would work. But that's turnin into a dud too. I guess people are harder to scare than we thought. But I'm not worried. I told Karl and Ari to set up a few photo ops and I'll work my offensive charm.

At least there's some good news -- it looks like I'm off the hook with my "Africa's a country" comment. The Toronto Mayor said somethin much worse. Something bout him not wantin to visit Africa cause he's afraid of bein boiled by cannibals. Hey, I'm with him. But now I know to never say it.

© 2001 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.

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