Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 20   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

June 4, 2001

Dear Diary -- Another awful weekend -- startin Friday with me stuck sittin at a funeral with Clinton/Gore. Talk about tense! After the rumors, I didn't think we'd all fit in the pew. But Gore didn't look nearly as fat as everyone's sayin. Too bad!

I'm bettin they're still steamed bout Karl & Ari's White House destruction yarn. Tough on them -- nobody's apologizin! Besides, I'm still mad at Gore's tryin to steal the election. And I'll bet they had somethin to do with Jefford's traitorship. So we'll call it even ... until Karl thinks up somethin else cool.

Even worse tense was what shoulda been a fun family weekend at Camp David. Mom was on her usual warpath, Poppy was P-Oed at me, and Laura was mad at everyone. Plus the twins were poutin, though I don't know what they had to pout about. I'm the one that should be poutin!

I can't believe Poppy's blamin the Jeffords mess on me when everyone knows Lott's to blame. He even made me call McCain the Pain and make nice with him. He said he's not plannin to leave the GOP, but I don't believe a word outta his "jealous of Jeffords publicity" mouth.

Poppy's worried & says we can't afford any more deflections -- at least not till we send Toricelli and some other Dem Senators to jail -- hahaha!

June 5, 2001

Dear Diary -- The just pretend White House damage story is heatin up again & it looks like Ari maybe went too far. Creatin a list outta rememory & shippin it to the press has got some Clintonista staffers all riled up & kickin. Some are even demandin proof. I guess Ari's gonna haveta get creative again & catalogue some vandalism.

Dems are also complainin bout Lott, just cause he declared war on em. Hey, at least he didn't declare war on China -- hahaha!

Anyway, I don't see what they're bitchin about. He said he was willin to give em a one seat majority. What else do they want from him?

While we're at it, what else do they want from me? The poll numbers we don't pay attention to are worse again. And that means I haveta keep makin those pain in the you know what "see how green I am" speeches. Like the one I gave yesterday in Jeb's state.

And even worse than talkin bout my new enviromentalism for the 21st century, was this morning when they made me help build one of those Humanity Houses. Yet another reason to hate Jimmy Carter!

If they know what's good for em they'll redo all my nails.

June 6, 2001

Dear Diary -- It's official now -- Jeffords is independent, the Damm Dems control the Senate, & I'm bummed. I still owe a whole buncha people big favors and this is really gonna screw things up.

And I was havin such a good time appointin relatives of certain ... uh ... friendly judges to high positions. Like Antonio's daughter and Billy's son. (Or is it the other way around?)

Anyway, cause of the Judas Jeffords mess they made me have a buncha mend fencin meetins yesterday plus dinner with McCain the Pain & his real nice looker of a wife. I never woulda got thru the meal if Cindy hadna been there to stare at. (Note to self: Hide diary from Laura.)

It was a miserable day all round, meetin with so many enemies, but Dick & Karl made me do it. They said it's real good practice for Europe.

June 7, 2001

Dear Diary -- Poor Rummy's havin a rough time in uuuh ... the Belgium vegetable city talkin to NATO bout defense. They refuse to understand we need a missle shield that doesn't work.

And Ari's havin problems too -- it turns out he's not as good a fibber as I thought. Some trouble-makin Internet highway site -- Flashbulb.com or Buzzflash.com -- found out some company gave us lotsa free keyboards and W keys. And those are the ones Ari said we paid big bucks for on accounta Clintonista damage. But Ari says it's no biggie -- it's just a dumb Web site & nobody'll notice.

I sure hope he's right cause I kinda like Ari. And I'd hate for him to turn into one of those sacrificial sheeps.

I'm also worried bout the Texas 3 strikes and you're out law. Why did I ever sign that thing? If Jenna went to jail it'd be real embarassin. Plus Mom & Laura'd freak out!

It turns out the Mexican restaurant mess wasn't even Jenna's fault. Karl says the manager called the cops purposefully instead of turnin her cheek cause she voted for Gore. Karl even got the owner to say callin 911 wasn't proper procedure. But he refuses to fire the broad who made the call. The Bush family punishment list is gettin longer and longer!

June 8, 2001

Dear Diary -- I finally got to sign my tax law yesterday, even tho the Damn Dems tried to ruin it for me. Pretty soon the People will be gettin their gasoline checks in the mail.

Now that the tax thing's a done deal, you'd think the liberal media'd stop moanin bout it. But no -- they're still at it. Complainin bout lotsa stuff like its sunrise/sunset clause. And claimin if you don't die in the right year your estate gets a real big bill. But like I always say, there's no good time to kick the bucket.

They're even bitchin that the law's a mishmash nobody understands. And here I thought I was the only one that didn't understand it.

I'm off now to some Iowa farm plus I'll be catchin a little college baseball. Then I'm gonna head to the ranch so I can rest up for Europe. I wonder if they speak Mexican in Madrid.

Dubya's Dayly Diary Main Page

Dubya's Dayly Diary Archives

Subscribe to MadKane Humor

Mad Kane's Latest Humor Columns

Liberal Links

Return Home (MadKane.com)