Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 19   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

May 29, 2001

Dear Diary -- What a terrible weekend! I was real bummed about Jeffords and was hopin Laura'd cheer me up. But she said she had her own problems. Then she started bitchin bout some dumb fashun mag -- Vogue I think -- and how they buried their story on her & stuck some model photo on the cover. She was real insulted cause Vogue didn't bury that ugly HRC when they featured her.

I told her my problems are more important & that Vogue only cared about her on acounta her bein Wife Numero Uno. So now she's givin me the silent treatment. Of course, silent is just how Ari likes her.

As if that wasn't bad enuff, China's messin with me again. First they pretended we offered to take the plane apart and ship it home when we didn't. Then that President Jiang guy had the nerve to say I'm logically unsound, confused, & unprincipaled. He's gonna be real sorry he said that.

And to add injury to insult, now China's makin us ship the plane in pieces on some Russian plane. I wanted to say no but they gave us some kinda ultimater -- whatever that is.

You'd think things would haveta improve after a weekend like that. But no! They're makin me spend 3 whole days in the tree huggin state!

May 30, 2001

Dear Diary -- I'm still stuck in my most unfavorite state -- they tried to serve me tofu & groanola!! But at least my meetin with that price cap demandin, finger pointin, blame game playin Red Davis is over with. What a crybaby that guy is, complainin he's got a raw deal. And threatenin to hire some lawyer type and sue me. I told him I aint scareda China & I aint scareda him. But more diplomaticlike.

Then I remembered I was supposta pretend to be nice. So I calmly explained to him that the problem with this country is we have no energy policy & that stops now! And that it's time for leadership and it's time for results. Then he said save it for your stupid speeches -- it's time for price caps. I sure enjoyed tellin him no!!!

I also said if he thinks any Cal Dem who wants my job is gettin help from me, he's in dreamin world. Okay, I didn't really say that. But I thought it!

Today I've gotta do the enviro sympathizin thing & visit some big park. Hmmm, I wonder if they got any oil there. Not for long -- hahaha!

May 31, 2001

Dear Diary -- Jenna's in trouble again & Laura's hoppin mad. Somethin bout her usin someone else's ID to buy alcohol in a Mexican restaurant. I love Mexican food!

As usual, Laura's blamin me for settin a bad example. I told her I didn't see what the big deal is. She was in a restaurant -- not a car. I like Laura better when she's giving me the silent act.

And while all that was goin on I was stuck visitin some CA park -- the one with major big trees. Loggers would have a real good time there!

I didn't wanna go, but Karl made me cause a buncha green groups have been giving me real low grades. Sorta like the ones I got at Yale. Anyway, Karl says I need to improve my "I love the enviroment" act.

So I went and felt up some trees and gave my stewardess of the earth speech. It was kinda fun cause I got to annoy the pesty church/state division people by mentioning God & Christ a whole buncha times. But the most fun was when I went hiking up a cliff just to torture those outta shape reporters.

June 1, 2001

Dear Diary -- It's even worse then we 1st heard -- both twins got sighted for alcohol. And as usual, the liberal media's makin a whole to do over nonsense. Writin bout the twins when they should be coverin my green speech. And they're still doin it, even tho Ari told the press to lay off or else! Not in so many words, but they knew exactly what he meant. I guess those vulchers are harder to squash than we thought.

I was gonna ask Dick fer some daughter rearin advice, now that he's done vacationin in Whyoming -- his just pretend home state. But then I remembered he raised a lesbo.

So instead I called the twins & told em I'm a Zero Tolerance Prezident. And that they'd better stop makin me look bad or I'll sick their Grandma on them. After that I tried to fire their SS agents.

Someone else I'd like to fire is "Coup of One" Jeffords. That guy's got people so riled up he's even gettin death threats. Ari gave me a great line to say just in case I'm asked. Somethin bout always bein concerned bout any threat to any Congress member. I wanted to add "even a quirky, wack job like Jeffords," but they won't let me.

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