Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 18   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

May 21, 2001

Dear Diary -- A buncha governors, includin some Republican ones, are bitchin bout the energy plan, claimin it takes power away from states and gives it to the Feds. But I told em we'd never take electric power from the states.

Then they said not electric power -- regulatory power. And that fer instance it lets the Feds seize private land for transmission lines, even if the state's agin it. I told em that's not so cause I'm a firm believer in state's rights. But then Dick said not anymore. I guess it's time for some Hughes & Matalin spinnin magic.

Dick went on TV this weekend and called himself a pretty good enviromentalist. I'm not sure how he did it with a straight face -- except for that weird thing he does with his lip.

Also this weekend, Gale and my good pal Kathy Harris went to the NRA bash. We wanted to make sure the gun guys aren't nervous bout my safe neighborhoods stuff. So Gale made a nice speech thankin em for supportin me and confirmin my belief in the bearin arms amendment.

I hear everyone had a great time bashin Clinton/Gore. But Kathy was kinda steamed cause the gun folks were takin so much credit for electin me, ignorin her big contribution. I told her there's plenty a credit to go round. And rewards!! She said if Janet Reno runs for Governor and beats Jeb she'd better get a real juicy reward on the other side of the globe. So I told her to brush up on her Mexican.

May 22, 2001

Dear Diary -- I've been runnin round to colleges lately, givin gradation speeches & collectin make-believe degrees. First they made me go to Noter Dame, where I pretended to care about poverty and made up for that Bob Jones U brewhaha. (I love that word -- it makes me laugh.)

Even worse, they made me go to that awful Yale. I didn't wanna cause Yale was real mean to Poppy. Besides, remindin people I'm from New England is bad for my image.

Speakin of New England, Dick's energy report guys screwed up big time with New Hampshire, which I'm pretty sure is in New England. The report warned about NH blackouts, but it turns out NH is shipshape electric-wise. Too bad!

I figured Dick & Karl would be real aggravated. But they weren't cause of all the other "mistakes" the Dems haven't caught onto.

Back to Yale -- unfortunately -- they talked me into goin cause one of the twins (I forget which one) is studyin at Yale. The speech went okay & I especially liked the line where I told the C students they too can grow up to be US Prez. Also the one where I said I didn't remember everything I did there and that can be a good thing. Of course the best part was where I made fun of Dick for flunkin out. It was kinda fun feelin superior to Dick for a change.

Not surprisin for a lefty school, there were protests and boos & a faculty boycott. But I didn't care cause I'm Prezident and they're not.

May 23, 2001

Dear Diary -- I met with that turncoat Jeffords yesterday, tryin to talk him outta leavin the Party. I'm so mad I could spit!! He's postponed his announcement but it sure looks bad. That $#%#&$# has got hisself the top spot on the Bush family punishment list.

I was up way past my bedtime last night, raisin big bucks for the GOP. It went real well even tho lotsa Senate pals missed it on acounta tax relief delayin tactics by those damn Dems.

Talkin bout fund raisin, the liberal media's makin a big deal about Dick's party at the VP residence. They're even comparin Dick's bash to Clinton coffees. So his guests gave us a whole buncha money -- big whoopee!! Like Ari says -- it's night & day different cause Dick served the hard stuff -- hahaha!

I wonder if Dick also served that weird bio-engined food he's makin us eat at the White House. I can't believe we're takin diet advice from a guy without a heart like his.

May 24, 2001

Dear Diary -- Condy Arroz & I met with the Dalai Llama yesterday. I really wasn't in the mood cause of the Jeffords bz. But on the other hand it's always fun stickin it to China. That's what they get for messin with my plane!

Everyone's real bummed over Ratfink Jeffords -- especially Trent Lott. I guess bullyin just doesn't work on those Vermont types. So far Miller won't budge, so I guess Trent is gonna havta live with bein Minority Leader for awhile -- tho he doesn't even look like a minority.

At least there was a little good news -- the Senate passed my tax relief plan. Now the People will be able to pay for gas --- hahaha!

May 25, 2001

Dear Diary -- I still can't believe what Jeffords did! I was sure he'd chicken out at the last minute. But that cry baby, Dem-ass-lickin, top of my s-list, Benedict Arnold Jeffords really stuck it to the GOP. The only good part is they're blamin Lott more than me.

Lott's Minority Leader position is even in jeopardy -- my new word for the week. I found out from Laura it's not just a TV show.

I'll never forgive Jeffords for spoilin my tax relief plan celebration. He's gotta be punished! Too bad I can't make him keep Sharpy Sharpton company in prison.

Sharpton actually had the nerve to say if I could be Prez, he could be Prez. I guess he heard my Yale speech about C students becoming Prezident. But I was talkin about fellas with Ivy Cs, not protestin trouble-makers like him.

Hey, maybe Sharpy will lose some weight in jail. And if it works for him, maybe Dick can go there too -- hahaha. Note to self: Deep six this entry, or hide the diary from Dick.

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