Dubya's Early White House Daze -- Week 17   This Week  Last Week  Archives  Main  Home

May 14, 2001

Dear Diary -- They made me do another press conference Friday. I hate those things cause they cover too many topics and salt me with questions about stuff I don't remember the answers to. But Ari was a big help! Just before I started he reminded me to sneak in referrals to my tax relief plan when I didn't have an answer, even if it had nothin to do with the question. That worked real good!

Fer instance they kept botherin me about energy costs & risin prices at the pumps. I wasn't allowed to say how much my pals like to keep em risin. So instead I kept repeatin my line about passin tax relief to put money in the People's pockets so they can pay for gas. I drove em crazy doin it somethin like a dozen times -- a whole new record, I think.

I'm real disappointed about postponin the McVeigh execution for a month cause I was really lookin forward to it. But Freeh and the others say we have to make people think we're being fair.

Well, I'm off to PA now to give my "get safer neighborhoods without P-Oing the gun lobby" speech.

May 16, 2001

Dear Diary -- Startin tomorrow I'm gonna be giving a speech about Dick's secret energy plan. I'm kinda nervous cause I don't understand it, but Dick said that never stopped you before. Good point! Anyway, I sure hope it has my favorite line in it bout puttin money in People's pockets!

That reminds me -- those damn Dems in the Senate are still makin trouble bout my tax relief plan, complainin it only helps the real rich. Since when is that a bad thing? But I guess like Gramm Cracker Phil said, there's a whole lotta bigotry against the successful. I wonder if we can pass a law against it.

There's also bigotry against religious folks with good hearts like Ashcroft. He's doin a wonderful thing giving dayly Bible study classes in his office. And what does he get for his trouble? Bitchin and moanin by non-believin staffers that he shouldn't be establishin religion. Sounds like non-subordination to me!

May 17, 2001

Dear Diary -- Dick tried to explain his secret energy policy to me again and I still don't get it. So he promised to boil it down to 3 or 4 bullets. I love bullets!

But at least my energy speech has a great new catchphrase -- an action plan for an action administration. It's almost as good as my tax relief line about People's pocket money.

May 18, 2001

Dear Diary -- Yesterday I gave my first big energy speech at the Minnesota Twins City. I talked about stuff like the achievable future and hybrids and how if they don't listen to Dick they'll be California. And I explained how we can do more drillin for oil while protectin the environment, even though we can't.

I also told em we're gonna need a lot more power plants cause we're gonna need a lot more electric. To prove it I gave a fer instance -- that even the sleekest laptop needs to plug into an electric outlet sometimes. I'm not sure what a sleek laptop is, but I sure like the sound of it.

After that I said we need to get a lot more electric from nukular power like those snooty French do. I also talked about needin a new tone in discussin energy and the environment, one that is less suspicious, less punitive, less rancress. Karl said folks fell for the Washington tone thing the last time and they'll fall for it again.

All in all it was a great day -- except for that annoyin, attention-grabbin Jimmy Carter. He piped up in some paper claimin his energy crisis was much worse than mine. That guy should stick to buildin houses & writin pansy poetry.

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