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Jan. 20, 2001

Dear Diary -- Poppy says I haveta keep a diary of my Prezidency. Every night at 9:30 before my lovely wife Laura and I turn in I'm supposed to write something about my day. He said I should try to make it sound dignuhfied. I asked him what dignuhfied means but he said never mind. He'll fix it later on. I wanted to get Dick to write my diary but Poppy says I've gotta do it myself -- Dick's too busy running the country. Damn it! I mean Durn it!

Today was really cool. I was sworn in and everything and now I'm the real Prezident. Take that Alfred Gore!

Went to a bunch of balls tonight. Shook a lotta hands. Met a buncha people. Not sure who they are but they sure know who I am. I even danced. One of the twins is mad at me -- says I twirled her too hard and almost knocked her dress off. Can't remember which one -- I always mix them up.

My feet really hurt -- dancing is even harder than jogging. I hear Ashcroft refuses to dance. What's up with that? Poppy says he'll make a great Secy of Defense. Wait -- that's not it. Supreme Court Justice? No I don't think that's it either. I just love the Supreme Court. Except those mean Democrats who voted against me. Especially the one from New York. She's a real rhymes with witch! Thanks mom! Gotta find out from Dick if I can fire her.

I got it -- Attorney General. I wonder why they say General -- don't think the Attorney General is Military. Must ask Dick about that. Love the Military. Gotta restore it. Gotta undo the terrible damage Clinton did. Must put it in on my whatdyacallit. Oh yeah -- agenda.

Getting sleepy. Will write some more tomor...

Jan. 21, 2001

Dear Diary -- My first full day as Prezident. I wanted to head off to the ranch but Poppy and Dick made me stay here. They say a vacation this soon would look bad. Sometimes Poppy and Dick are really mean.

They redecorated my office in really cool colors. New rug and everything. That was my first order as Prezident -- my Stain Removal Order. Only they wouldn't let me call it that on paper even though it gave them a big chuckle. And they won't even let me replace the desk with all that went on under it. I wanted to send it off to the Salvation Army and get a spanking clean new one. A nice one with maybe a teek finish. But they said no. Something about it being an anteek used by a bunch of other Prezidents. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm pretty sure buying new furniture is good for the economy. Plus I'm almost positive one of my big doners is in the logging bz. I tried those arguments but Poppy said absolutely not -- the desk stays. This isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.

Jan. 22, 2001

Dear Diary -- I wanted to make a big speech today about how the economy is even worse than we thought because of C's mess and that unless my tax reduction plan is past right away the market will crash even more, oil guys will starve etc. But they said no. I argued with them and they finally said maybe next week. I offered to start writing the speech myself but Dick said just consintrate on your diary.

They made me introduce my educashun plan today. Didn't want to. It's full of stuff about tests. I never liked tests. But they said I have to cause I made educashun my numero uno priority during my campaign. Don't remember doing that. They said if I want they'll show me my old speeches but I told them I'll take their word for it.

I did get to lecture my aides today about ethics and that was kinda cool. I caught one of them passing a note and giggling while I was talking which got me really mad. When I asked him what was on the note he said not to worry about it -- just something about national security so I let it go. Laura said I should have made him share it with the whole room.

Speaking of Laura I had a big fight with her today. She said something good about Row v some other dubya on some TV show and got me into a heap of trouble. The Lifers were already mad about something Ashcroft said to the Senate approval guys and this was the last straw. So the s hit the f and all h broke lose and I had to get on the phone and apologize to a bunch of people. Dick said don't worry about it. He'll find a way to make it up to them. I don't know what he has planned but I'm sure he has things under control. I wanted to fire Ashcroft but Dick said I can't cause he isn't hired yet and that anyway Ashcroft was lying to the Senate approval guys so its okay.

Gotta go now. Time for makeup sex with L.

Jan. 24, 2001

Dear Dairy -- Poppy yelled at me today cause I forgot to write in my diary last night. I told him I was real pooped but he said that's no excuse. I promised to be good from now on.

Met with John McCain today. He has some bee in his bonnet about campaign finance reform. What is he on drugs? Hahaha -- good one! I almost called him McCain the Pain to his face again but remembered just in time. Oops -- close one. I told him I'd support his efforts to ban unions from giving $ to candidates but that's as far as I'm willing to go. He called me something I'm not allowed to say anymore and stormed out of the room. No biggie. According to my spokesperson we had a productive meeting so I guess we did.

Everyone's in a huff about the Ws missing from a bunch of computer keyboards. I kinda think its funny -- reminds me of my college pranks -- but I'm not allowed to say so. Don't know what the big fuss is. Can't they just turn an M upside down? Or use 2 Vs? Gotta give Dick that idea if I ever get some face time with him.

Jan. 25, 2001

Dear Diary -- Boy am I P-Oed! Am I allowed to say that? Must ask Dick. Am I allowed to say Dick? Hahahaha! Good one! I just found out there were protesters Saturday trying to spoil my big day. Wonder if I can sic the FBI on them. Or maybe the CIA. Must ask Poppy.

Also L tells me people have been making fun of the Bush White House website. Didn't know we had one but it sure sounds like a cool idea. Wonder if it has any pikturs of me hunting, catching big fish, etc. Sure hope so. Maybe I'll get to see it some day if they ever give me my computer back. Just cause I sent a couple of emails I shounta is no reason to be so mean to me.

Jan. 27, 2001

Dear Diary -- Got up at the crack... Oops! Better start over. Got up at 6 yesterday & today. At my desk by 7. Still dont like the desk. Wanted to sleep late but Poppy says I haveta set a good example -- restore dignuhty to the White House. Not much to do except sign a buncha documeants. Don't know what's in there. But Poppy said if Dick says sign, I haveta sign. I thought maybe I should read a coupla lines of each documeant. But when I said so Poppy just laughed and said dont bother your pretty little head about it -- you dint read when you were Govenor, why start now? Good point!

Been watching TV and there's a whole lotta stuff about Clinton pardoning some rich guy. C isn't Prez anymore. Why's he still hoggin the news?

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