Welcome to my Justice John Roberts, Justice Sam Alito, Sonya Sotomayor, Harriet Miers, and the United States Supreme Court humor page!
Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross "Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has 'embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.' ..."
Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice "As the Washington Post’s Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law. ..."
Leery About Elena "Apparently, anti-Kagan attacks from the right have been inspiring some liberals to rally around her. ..."
Obama’s What??? "How amusing! We’ve moved from 'Obama’s Katrina' to 'Obama’s Harriet Miers.' ..."
Ode To Odious Corporate Personhood "There’s nothing funny about the U.S. Supreme Court’s activist ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. ..."
Ode To Mark Krikorian "The National Review’s Mark Krikorian is having problems with Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s name. ...”
The Dreaded E-Word “President Obama recently used the e-word in connection with his yet-to-be-named U.S. Supreme Court nominee, and the Republicans were (or pretended to be) horrified. ...”
Karl’s Roving Standards (Double Limerick) “Nothing brings out Republican hypocrisy like a nice, juicy U.S. Supreme Court vacancy. Take Karl Rove, for instance, on Obama’s potential nominees to replace Justice David Souter: ...”
A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin? "According to Fred Thompson, Sarah Palin’s inability to name a single Supreme Court case she disagrees with wasn’t her fault. ..."
The Supremes slapped George Dubya quite hard,
Saying George, you ain't Czar, King, or God.
Though our nation's at war,
You can't break the law,
So stop riding o'er Congress roughshod.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on Wednesday called his 2004 decision not to recuse himself from a case involving Vice President Cheney, who is a friend of his, the "proudest thing" he has done on the court.
Scalia's Stability Revisited By Madeleine Begun Kane
When questioned about his refusal
To agree to a Dick case recusal,
Scalia claimed pride
That he didn't step aside.
His sanity needs some perusal.
Scalia's caught acting obscene,
In a church yet, how shockingly mean.
A photographer snapped it.
His subject said, scrap it!
It's time for that pic to be seen.
January 30, 2006 (Personal Poems For Some Sam Alito Filibuster Holdouts -- Audio Version Is Here)
Do you think a personal poem might change a Senator's mind? Probably not, but it's worth a try. So I've written some personal verse for four of the Sam Alito filibuster holdouts: Senators Byrd, Landrieu, Akaka, and Nelson:
An Open Limerick To Senator Byrd By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sen. Byrd you're at times quite inspired,
Speaking words that I've often admired.
Now it's time to help muster
A Sam filibuster.
If you don't, all our rights shall expire.
An Open Limerick To Senator Akaka By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge Alito's a dangerous man.
You must block his vote, Senator Dan.
He disdains all our rights,
So please join Kerry's fight,
And help stop Dubya's power mad plan.
An Open Poem To Senator Landrieu By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Mary, it's time to act tough.
Tell Georgie Dub that enough is enough.
Our rights are at risk with Judge Sam on the bench,
So block his appointment and act like a mensch.
An Open Poem To Senator Nelson By Madeleine Begun Kane
Senator Nelson, I'm begging you please,
Don't be a holdout and don't be a tease.
On Alito's promotion, you must put the squeeze,
Cause with Sam on that bench, all our freedoms shall cease.
What? No Golden Globe For Alito's Wife? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Alito's wife cried at Sam's hearing,
Dabbing tissues at eyes that were tearing.
Though Republicans fawned
On this rightwingnut pawn,
Those mean Dems failed to join in the cheering.
Now that Harriet Miers is back doing whatever it is she does best (writing Bush mash notes and covering his tracks?) Bush has a new nominee to replace Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. And I'm afraid he's just the sort of extremist judge we feared a weakened Bush would come up with - 3rd Circuit JudgeSamuelAlito. And that means it's time for some limericks:
There Once Was A Judge Named Alito By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a judge named Alito,
Who's often called Judge Sam Scalito.
He's fond of state powers.
At labor he glowers.
The Dems must Alito's name veto.
An Anti-Choice Judge Who's Named Sam By Madeleine Begun Kane
An anti-choice judge who's named Sam
Tells the poor and the weak they should scram.
If he takes Sandra's place,
All our rights he'll erase,
And the wingnuts will have a grand slam.
Alito's A Yale Law School Grad By Madeleine Begun Kane
Alito's a Yale Law School grad,
Whose rulings are right-wingnut rad.
He disdains civil rights.
For the big guns, he fights.
On the bench he is far worse than bad.
An Anti-Choice Judge Named Alito By Madeleine Begun Kane
An anti-choice judge named Alito,
Whose votes show a pro-corp'rate credo,
Often rules on the fringes,
In far right-wing binges.
Let's replace his court robes with tuxedos.
October 12, 2005 (Harriet's Song: Bush Is The Sunshine Of Her Life -- Audio Version Is Here)
As his relationship with Condi Rice proves, Bush likes working with musical women. So it's not surprising that Harriet Miers has expressed her schoolgirl crush on Bush in song:
You are the best Prez in the land.
That’s why I always shall be loyal.
You are the smartest living man.
I just can't wait to join the Court.
I feel reborn each time you're winning,
Cause I’ve loved you for a million years.
And if I thought your reign was ending,
I’d find myself buried in briefs and tears.
You are the best Prez we have had.
That’s why I'm blessed to be your friend.
Your twins have such a way cool dad.
I just can't wait to join the Court.
You surely know I'll do your bidding.
And I will come to your rescue.
Cause when I've joined those Sup Court heathens,
I'll make sure the law matches all your views.
You make me feel like a young girl.
That's why I'll always stand your ground.
You are the best Prez in the world.
And I can't wait to join your Court.
By nominating Harriet Miers to the U.S. Supreme Court, George Bush makes it clear that he's failed to learn the lesson of Katrina: Don't name unqualified cronies to important posts.
Oddly enough, right-wingers seem to be complaining more bitterly about Miers' lack of qualifications than left-wingers. Though something tells me that Miers' thin resume wouldn't bother the right nearly so much, if she were a surefire right-wing zealot. Don't believe me? Just think Clarence "Pubic Hair" Thomas.
And now it's time for some poems:
Bush Named The Unqualified Miers By Madeleine Begun Kane
Okay, I'm trying very hard not to get overly excited or optimistic about this. But rumors are flying that
indictments are about to be handed down in Plamegate a/k/a Rovegate a/k/a Traitorgate. And while this Plame investigation Reuters story doesn't go that far, it certainly indicates that the winding down of the investigation is heating up.
But Friday's email brought me a reminder of my oversight -- a letter from former Governor Howard Dean, urging people to
speak out against Roberts. Dean's letter says in part:
... Some people even say that it's useless for us to speak out against him. They say we're wasting our time.
But how will we win any battle if we don't stand up for what we believe and speak the truth? More importantly, how will Americans know what to expect from a Democratic Congress and Democratic president if we don't fight for our values at every opportunity?
And now, my nearly forgotten poem:
Why Bother? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge John Roberts' confirmation
Is a certainty, it's true.
We're powerless to stop it.
Yes, no matter what we do.
But to those who say it's futile,
Making fun of things I rue,
I say it feels essential,
And that you should do it too.
Reid said that there are "too many unanswered questions about the nominee to justify a vote confirming him to this enormously important lifetime position." But while Roberts was certainly unforthcoming throughout his hearings, we actually know something about nominee Roberts that, in and of itself, justifies both a "no" vote and a filibuster. I'm referring to
Roberts' serious ethical breach in failing to recuse himself from the three judge panel hearing the Hamdan v. Rumsfeld appeal, while interviewing for a Supreme Court nomination.
The United States is a party to that case, which concerns the constitutionality of Gitmo military tribunals. So it was a conflict of interest for Judge Roberts to interview for a presidential appointment while that appeal was pending before him. As TalkLeft points out,judicial ethics and 28 U.S.C. § 455 mandated recusal. And that brings me to my Mr. Propriety limerick:
Mr. Propriety? By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge Roberts is a fan of propriety,
And maintaining his impartiality.
Yet on Hamdan he ruled.
Does he take us for fools?
His action's the height of hypocrisy.
I spent the better part of Tuesday listening to the Judge John RobertsU.S. Supreme Court confirmation hearings.
Unfortunately, I don't know much more about the judge's positions now, than I did before the Judiciary Committee started questioning him. But on the other hand, Judge Roberts' performance did inspire two limericks:
Though Judge Roberts Is Getting A Hearing By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Judge Roberts is getting a hearing,
To measure his outlook and bearing,
He's determined to hide
Views that Dems can't abide.
His convictions he simply ain't sharing.
Judge John Roberts Is Smooth And Quite Smart By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judge John Roberts is smooth and quite smart.
Unlike Bork, he's not testy or tart.
But we still do not know
What he'll do about Roe.
He's declined to his viewpoint impart.
July 20, 2005 (Moot Court Limerick and other Supreme Court Shenanigans -- Audio Version Is Here)
I've been duped. Everything I read Tuesday afternoon about Bush's
then upcoming prime time address, convinced me that George Bush would be naming Judge Edith Clement to replace Justice O'Connor on the U.S. Supreme Court. And I was far from the only lefty
who expected Judge Clementto be Bush's choice. Of course, I'm probably the only one who wrote the decoy judge a limerick.
I was planning to delete my Clement verse, but I figure I'll share it with you instead. Cause why waste a decent, albeit moot, limerick?
Moot Court Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane
Edith Clement, a New Orleans jurist,
Is a hard right-wing, fed'ralist purist.
As O'Connor's replacement,
She'd be a debasement.
Let's reduce her to Washington tourist.
Since I was reading about the wrong candidate all day, I don't know much about Judge John Roberts, Bush's real nominee. But I wouldn't let a little thing like that stop me from versifying:
Prime Time Distraction By Madeleine Begun Kane
In an effort at changing the subject,
From Bush staffers like Rove who are suspect,
Dub on prime time proclaimed
That he's John Roberts named.
If you like right-wing judges, he's perfect.
Ode To O'Connor By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a Justice O'Connor,
The first Sup Court Judge called "Her Honor."
Now O'Connor's resigned,
Putting Dems in a bind.
At least Rehnquist is still not a goner.
Today's Frist / McCain press conference serves as a reminder, in case you need one, that in the U.S. Senate, compromise flows only one way. The press conference made it clear that "Bill Frist is attempting to pressure Senate Democrats to yield on their objections to a cloture vote [on Bolton] and may call for a vote this week -- even if Frist fails once again to get cloture."
And that brings me to my latest limerick, entitled There Once Was A Compromise Deal:
There Once Was A Compromise Deal By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a compromise deal,
Entered into by "mod'rates" with zeal.
Though the pact is unrav'ling,
More wingnuts are gav'ling
In Federal Courts of Appeal.
The Immoderate Pact Song Parody (Sing to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The "moderates" made a voting pact.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The "moderates" got their power back.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Their deal betrays our democracy.
We're stuck with dreadful nominees.
And I don't feel gay cause
The moderate Dems are hacks.
The "moderates" claim they did what's right.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Averted a constitutional fight.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The filibuster was up for grabs.
And now it's watered down for scraps.
And I don't feel gay cause
The Democrats lost this fight.
UPDATE: Posting here will be spotty (if at all) during the next few days. However I'll be continuing to post news items, quotes of the day, blog posts of the day, feminist news and views, poll and survey info, and other stuff in my recently launched Mad Kane's New, Politics, & Humor Forum. I hope you'll stop by and join the conversation.
So what do I have to offer on the subject? A song parody, of course -- The Don't Compromise Song, which can be sung to Let's Twist Again, written by Hank Ballard and made famous by Chubby Checker:
The Don't Compromise Song Parody (Sing To Let's Twist Again)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
"Let's compromise,"
Words that make me shudder.
Yeah, "let's compromise,"
Words I've grown to fear.
Dems must not fall for lies
That the right-wing utters.
They can't compromise
With the GOP.
Every deal they've made, the people's rights are undermined.
It's time for Dems to fin'lly show some guts and spine.
"Let's compromise,"
Words that Dems shouldn't mutter.
Cause if they do,
Then the end is near.
(MUSICAL BREAK)
Don't compromise.
Frist can not be trusted.
No, don't compromise.
Please hang tough, you hear!
The Dems should keep in mind,
Rights go in the gutter,
When they compromise
With the GOP.
With each deal they've made, our people's lives are undermined.
It's time for Dems to act with gumption, guts and spine.
"Let's compromise,"
Words that Dems can't utter.
Cause if they do,
Then the end is near.
As some of you know, I've had lots of security problems with my message board. So I've taken the plunge and launched a far more secure replacement:
Mad Kane's Forum. I hope you'll stop by and join the conversation.
As the Senate heads for a showdown over George Bush's extremist judicial nominees, I figured a Filibuster Song might be in order. And I must confess to a perverse pleasure in setting it to the French-Canadian children's folk song, Alouette:
The Filibuster Song (Sing to "Alouette")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy.
Frist would nuke Dems' voting rights.
Dems must stop him. Fight, fight, fight!
Voting rights,
We must fight.
Voting rights,
Wield our might.
Oh.
Filibuster,
Save the filibuster.
Filibuster,
Save Democracy.
