Fit To Be Tied Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus one Honorable Mention.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was fit to be tied…
or
A woman was fit to be tied…
Here’s mine:
Fit To Be Tied Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was fit to be tied
When he learned that his lover had lied.
He’d proposed. She said “No,”
And confessed, “Sorry Joe.
See that gal over there? She’s my bride.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Tags: April Holidays, Dishonesty, Lies, Lover's Day, Marriage Limerick, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Poetry, Romance Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow was fit to be tied / At tax season he sat down and cried, / “I am willing to pay / But GE got a stay / So injustice seems plainly denied.”
A fellow was fit to be tied
A consequence of facing a lie.
He was accused of a crime
That left all jurors blind
To the cops who lied in court one more time.
A fellow was fit to be tied
Sweet Jackie just could not decide
To press on or stop
Take bottom or top
A regular Jacqueline Hyde
A fellow was fit to be tied
to a lassie whom he had espy’d
with a dress fit to bust
that filled him with lust
But she didn’t fancy the ride.
I’m in… I’ll get back later.
A fellow was fit to be tied,
with the change in the weather outside.
Yesterday he was mowing,
today it’s been snowing,
“It’s Spring in the Rockies,” he sighed.
A fellow was fit to be tied
Cause his wife was always so snide
Her viperish tongue
made him get a gun
Now he’s 25 to Life inside
A fellow was fit to be tied
When he, with his twin at his side,
Was called by their boss
To decide with a toss
To which twin his downsizing applied.
A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride
“If you meet the gang out
At your favorite hangout
I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”
A fellow was fit to be tied
Cuz no matter how hard he tried
After smearing on grease
He found no release
And could not get his trombone to slide
A fellow was fit to be tied,
When on his ex wife he had spied,
He saw her with Harry,
And then she’s with Larry,
I’m glad that she’s no longer mine!
Thanks for the introduction to a new form. Enjoy the rally
For Your Kiss.
A fellow was fit to be tied:
“How the food makers subtly misguide!
While the price has held steady
Per box of spaghetti,
There’s not as much noodle inside.”
A fellow was fit to be tied
Viewing pics that displayed his backside:
He was naked (big deal)
But bemoaned each huge meal,
For he clearly was less tall than wide.
But determined to locate a mate,
He conversed with a promising date
‘Til she saw his webpage,
Guessed his height, weight, and age
And refused further contact ~ cruel Fate.
Then inclined to decline dates and mope,
He was tempted to give up all hope.
Would all women pass? Yet
Fresh thoughts of his asset
Provided a way he could cope…
He posted, “Pull Over – Wide Load!
Sweet, snuggly, with gorgeous abode.
I’ll rock you each night,
It’ll be outta sight!
I’m a doctor.” (His stethoscope showed.)
He sat back as responses flowed in,
Then he read hers: aah, Angel of Sin
She was smart, lovely, built
His libido went Tilt!
Now they bare it all nightly, and grin…
We’re off to a wonderful start with some delightful limericks! Thanks, and please keep them coming!
Love yours, Mad – great twist. Here’s my contribution:
A fellow was fit to be tied
when his brother ran off with his bride.
He was very upset
as they’d only just met.
Twas a terrible blow to his pride.
Thanks so much earlybird. I always enjoy your limerick contributions. :)
Matilda was fit to be tied –
her favourite guinea pig died
in the mouth of the cat.
“You villain” she spat.
“I was hungry,” the bad cat replied.
This is my first try:
A fellow was fit to be tied
To a bed that was seven feet wide
Though he did this a lot
Once his mistress forgot
To untie him and he starved and died
A fellow was fit to be tied
He had ordered his trout country-fried
But the thing wasn’t breaded
Or even beheaded,
Though it did come with slaw on the side
fun humor, love the rhyming..
A++
A young woman was fit to be tied
On rail ties laid side by side
She sturggled, she screamed
Woke herself from that dream
Then quivered as train whistle cried.
A fellow was fit to be tied
For he couldn’t find a mate no matter how he tried
He was just a little slow
Didn’t have much get up and go
So he decided to try on celibacy just for size.
A fellow was fit to be tied
He had an ugly wife for a bride
He took off her veil and kissed her real well
For you see she was wealthy beside
A gal was fit to be tied,
apparently she’d up and lied
She said she was thin-ny
on the Date Site skinny
and now had 30 plus pounds to hide
Love the twist at the end. very neat!
Moments
A woman was fit to be tied
cause her lipstick could not be applied
It wasn’t her lips
Which were gorgeous – real pips!
It’s just that she used the wrong side.
I love your limericks; it is just lovely to read. I have never written and feel that the verve of it is perhaps past my abilities. So glad that I can come here and enjoy yours!
Love your limerick and it’s enjoyable to read all the others. Maybe someday I’ll give it a whirl :)
Pamela
Madeleine, I’m not even going to bother to write one. I’m still chuckling over yours! My sisters-in-law have been legally married for two years in California – and they are two of the lucky few who got to “keep” their marriages. Amy
Island Dweller
Thanks, Madeleine, for pointing out my ambiguous stresses in my bride limerick. You’re right that I intended to stress the YOU and the YOUR in the 3rd and 4th rhymes, which would put the emphasis as HANGout. I intended it as a play on the saying “Give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves” and was also sort of punning with TIED in your prompt.
Well, back to the drawing board!
A fellow was fit to be tied
Since his years under sail were his pride.
When ashore for a day
He felt ready to play.
“Let me show you the ropes” the girl cried!
New take on my “bride” limerick:
A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride:
“If you plan to hang
With your drunken old gang
I’ve a rope that I’ll gladly provide!”
Thanks, Jingle, Jessica, Nicole, Amy and Pamela
Nicole, you never know till you try. Lots of people have written their first limericks here. :)
Pamela, I sure hope you did — bet you’d be good.
Tilly, it’s hard to believe this is your first. :)
Granny, you’re very welcome! And your new version is much better. Just one thing that’s easily fixable: The first time I read it, I accented “plan” instead of “you.” Then I realized you wanted “you” stressed. This is readily solved if you change line 3 to: “If you’re planning to hang…”
Improved version.
A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride:
“If you’re planning to hang
With your old drunken gang
I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”
A fellow was fit to be tied,
at his failure to be certified.
The doc looked at his brain,
told the judge he was sane,
and the fellow was fit to be tried.
Get mine HERE
This Limerick-Off is going so well, with so many delightful submissions, that selecting this week’s Limerick of the Week and Honorable Mentions is going to be a really tough challenge.
Thanks so much, everyone. Please keep them coming, and please post your limericks both here and (if you’re on Facebook) on my Facebook post too.
An Unsuccessful Dinner
A fellow was fit to be tied:
his proposal was being denied.
Then the bill was brought
and he, still distraught,
used the pen and began to divide.
Methinks I have been there. Great job
A woman was fit to be tied,
She ordered potato with chive,
They brought her green beans,
They’re leaner it seems,
The waiter now has a black eye!
A fellow was fit to be tied,
In his friend did he start to confide,
His friends face turned red,
And he ended up dead,
Guess some secrets are best kept inside!
A woman was fit to be tied
Could not lose the weight though she tried
Then she said “Better buy it
This new “Alarm” diet
A fridge that said “ACCESS DENIED”
A woman was fit to be tied
Could not write a lim’rick though she tried
To make her poem sweeter
With rhythm and meter
Sought Speedy Snail’s limerick guide
A fellow was fit to be tied,
When he slaughtered a skunk for it’s hide,
He smelled somethin awful,
When he entered the brothel,
They sent him right home with some lye!
Love your limerick, Madeleine! I seem to have found my rhyming muscle, though my muse seems a little dark…LOL.
A fellow was fit to be tied
Couldn’t please his hard wife if he tried.
She made his life hell
And it suited her well…
It did not break his heart when she died.
Thanks so much Lynette for your kind words. And there’s nothing wrong with a dark limerick muse. I have one too and I frequently use it to write political limericks on my Political Madness Blog.
Patrick, welcome back. And Cindy and Elaine, I always enjoy welcoming prolific limerick writers.
Thanks everyone. These limericks are delightful. Please keep them coming. Remember, I don’t pick Limerick of the Week until next Sunday, so you have lots of time to compose your limerick gems.
A fellow was fit to be tied:
A medium told him she scried
His bride come the autumn.
She finally caught ‘im,
A wrangler: they’re in for a ride…
Okay, so this one’s weird, but does make sense if read a certain way: I decided to “go with my flow” and post it anyway! :)
A woman was fit to be tied:
Her weight gain could not be denied.
She strove weakly for fitness
But soon drove herself witless
In search of her deep (th)inner side.
She considered the many cliches
Claiming sex drive and fat parted ways;
Tossed her head, grabbed a skirt,
Got out more, learned to flirt ~
Now her calendar’s full nights (and days) :)
A woman was fit to be tied,
Over politicians who lied,
About government abuse
And fiscal misuse,
While blaming the other side.
A fellow was fit to be tied
To a crime which he stoutly denied.
“Stray from my diet?”
Of course he’d not try it!
Overeaters Anon won’t confide.
A woman was fit to be tied,
When asked if of age, she said “WHY?”
“Should it matter to you,
If I’m ninety of two?”,
I have fake I.D., let me buy!”
A fellow was fit to be tied
When his I-can-fix-anything bride
Applied “safe homemade unction
For penile dysfunction”
(His boner damn near calcified)
A fellow was fit to be tied
Between two girls he could not decide
He was all in a state
About which one to mate
That he married them both, and then lied
…
But the sly double life that he led
Meant he just could not keep up in bed
Both the wives had their doubts
Then they both kicked him out
And shacked up with each other instead
A woman was fit to be tied
The masochist’s willing young bride
While she liked to be spanked
He preferred to be yanked
Both of them pleased to abide
I’m so glad to see more fun limericks coming in! How delightful! Please keep them coming, and thanks!
haha…these are a hoot….really enjoyed yours as well as those in the comments…
Happened upon this site by chance. I’ve never written any poetry before, not even a limerick, so please be gentle! Here’s my wayyyy late attempt:
A fellow was fit to be tied
When he found that his lovely bride
Declared she was off
Because he was not a toff –
What? You think this tale isn’t bona fide?
A fellow was fit to be tied.
The score’s “seven seven” he cried.
He couldn’t keep pace
When she drew an ace
So now she’s his prize winning bride.
I do love a good limerick and here I got loads! ;D
A fellow was fit to be tide
and he lost his last shred of pride.
The girl of his dreams
was not what she seemed,
for she simply took him for a ride!
It looks like we may set a new record, both in quantity and quality. :) And it’s good to see so many newcomers, in some cases to my blog, and in some cases to limerick writing.
And Shammi you’re not late at all. There’s still plenty of time to participate! And it’s hard to believe you’ve never tried this before. Hope you’ll be back to do more. There’s a new opportunity each week. :)
Thanks everyone!
A fellow was fit to be tied
But to lose would have injured his pride.
But he couldn’t keep pace
Toward the end of the race.
“I t’ink it’s da feet,” the man sighed.
A woman was fit to be tied
When a shooting her image belied;
“It’s blood libel,” she whined,
“That attack hit me blind
But I take persecution in stride.”
For her next act she traveled abroad,
Thought we might just forget she’s a fraud;
Said that lousy McCain
…Deprived HER of her reign —
A smart audience failed to applaud.
“I’m not saying he’s foreign, just dithering
When killing’s required, too withering. . .
But I’d never presume
To indict Michelle’s groom,”
Said Palin, then back home came slithering.
Thanks Granny and Johanna!
Readers may find it interesting that, per Mad’s limerick resources posted at top, “fitness” and “witless” do not rhyme…this was news to me :)
Mad, here’s my revised version ~ thanks again!
A woman was fit to be tied:
Her weight gain could not be denied.
She despaired, then she prayed
(Perhaps deals could be made?)
In search of her deep [th]inner side.
She considered the many cliches
Claiming sex drive and fat parted ways;
Tossed her head, grabbed a skirt,
Got out more, learned to flirt ~
Now her calendar’s full nights (and days) :)
I don’t know what the old limerick-off record is but let’s smash it.
A woman was fit to be tied,
to the bedposts that she’d modified.
No, she wasn’t psychotic,
she just found it erotic,
and her big O was intensified.
A soldier was fit to be tied.
The right had stopped funds to provide,
his pain medication,
they had shut down the Nation.
He just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
A fellow was fit to be tied.
He was flummoxed and I.R.S. tried.
“All I wanted were facts
For doing my tax –
– Didn’t know that they’re all Classified! “
Good revision, Patrice. Thanks everyone. I’m really enjoying these!
Sorry … link didn’t work:
Higher Harmony
A fellow was fit to be tied
When he married an S and M bride
For she tied the knot
In a sensitive spot
And the groom was the one who then cried!
A fellow was fit to be tied
To the hitching post nearest. He cried,
“I’m a little bit hoarse.
It’s the weather, of course
And it’s really quite colt outside!”
I hope it’s not too late. I awoke with the above post in mmy mind.
Welcome, Lolamouse to our Limerick-Offs!
Granny, that was very clever horsey wordplay, but you’re missing a beat in that last line. It’s easily fixed if you add the word “here” as in:
“And it’s really quite colt here outside!”
A woman was fit to be tied
her new husband in fact had just lied
though he told her “I do”
their new marriage was through
her husband in fact was a bride
Thanks again everyone for all your fun limericks. This contest is now closed, and you can find out who won and read the winning limericks here at my Limerick of the Week post.
But don’t be disappointed — a new Limerick-Off has already been posted, so you have another chance to win Limerick of the Week. Here it is: Guileless Limerick