A fellow was feeling befuddled
Cuz he yearned for one thing — to be cuddled.
But he only got quickies
Or sometimes mere hickeys.
It appears that his message was muddled.
(Prompted by Befuddled)
Posts Tagged ‘Battle of the Sexes’
Befuddled Limerick
Monday, April 11th, 2011Shy Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, March 27th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus three Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was painfully shy…
or
A man who was painfully shy…
Here’s mine:
Shy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was painfully shy
Had a crush on a very cute guy.
When she fin’lly let on,
He was rude — said “Begone!”
You want fairy tale endings here? Why?
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick Scold (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, February 27th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a scold…
or
A man who was rather a scold…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Scold
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was rather a scold
Berated her spouse o’er his cold:
“You’re sick all the time
Without rhythm or rhyme,
And your illness is getting quite old.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Beguiling Verse
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011This week Writers Island prompts us to use the word beguile in a poem. So here’s my Beguiling Limerick:
Beguiling Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was very beguiling
Was always so charmingly smiling,
That she duped many men
Yet again and again.
Now they’re lined up in court for a filing.
My Chances Of Watching TV Are Remote
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011This week Big Tent Poetry provides a bunch of word prompts, urging us to use one or more in our poems. I used three of them in my haiku (remote, function, handle) and one in a limerick (remote.)
First, my limerick:
I’m tempted to hide the remote
From my spouse in a closet or coat,
Cuz he flicks ev’ry station
In rapid rotation.
Missing show after show gets my goat.
*****
And now my haiku:
Dysfunctional spouse
Wields remote ADD-style.
Wife can’t handle it.
Grating Limerick
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose voice is quite grating…
Here’s mine:
Grating Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose voice is quite grating
And is overly fond of debating,
Often argues with friends
And he always offends,
So his dates never make it to mating.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
A Limerick Affair
Sunday, January 9th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“I’m sorry I had an affair” …
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Affair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m sorry I had an affair,”
Said a man to his wife in despair.
“Please forgive me — I’m bad.”
She said, “Never, you cad.”
“I warned you before — I don’t share.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Wedded Bliss Interruptus
Wednesday, January 5th, 2011I’m a “recovering lawyer.” But I haven’t “recovered” quite enough to resist writing this lawsuit limerick. It’s a cautionary tale about jilted brides, grooms who get cold feet, and litigation to recover wedding expenses.
The former bride-to-be Dominique Buttitta (who just happens to be a lawyer) is seeking over $95,000 in damages from her ex-fiancé. She claims defendant Vito Salerno jilted her just four days before the wedding, after she’d spent $56,000 for the banquet hall, flowers, orchestra, and gown, plus other non-refundable expenses.
Ms. Buttitta has a decent chance of recovering her out-of-pocket expenses, according to lawyers Gloria Allred and Lydia Sartain.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Wedded Bliss Interruptus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re planning a wedding, be warned:
Change your mind and your bride-to-be scorned
Could sue you and win
Major bucks for your sin.
And your assets? They’re bound to be mourned.
Leggy Limerick
Sunday, December 19th, 2010Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was showing some thigh…
Here’s mine:
Leggy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was showing some thigh
Caught the eye of a very cute guy.
But alas he lacked nerve—
Failed to speak up with verve.
She kept walking — his op went bye-bye.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Frazzled Limerick 
Sunday, October 31st, 2010
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A frazzled new father named Jim…
Here’s mine:
Frazzled Limerick (Frazzled Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A frazzled new father named Jim
Bought his baby toy trains on a whim.
When his wife saw the gift,
She was terribly miffed,
So she yelled, “That’s for you. What’s for him?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Update: May 2 is Baby Day.
Slovenly Limerick
Wednesday, October 20th, 2010Slovenly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose shirt was all stained
Saw his lovely wife’s look — it was pained.
“You’re so messy with pasta,”
She chided him. “Basta!
You’re just like your dad — it’s ingrained.”
UPDATE: National Pasta Day is October 17 and World Pasta Day is October 25.
Limerick Teaser
Monday, October 11th, 2010It’s time for another Limerick-Off. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
An attractive but cold-hearted tease…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Teaser
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An attractive but cold-hearted tease
Could manipulate fellows with ease.
She’d always get favors
In all sorts of flavors.
The guys? They got naught but the freeze.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Hot Crossed Limerick (Updated)
Monday, August 30th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was known for his buns…
Here’s mine:
Hot Crossed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was known for his buns
Attracted most gals — even nuns.
How those dames would delight
In his ass oh so tight,
Ignoring his poor half-baked puns.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Update — Note: I will soon start announcing these Limerick-Offs via private email instead of FB messaging, because FB group messaging anti-spam policies are making it very difficult for me to send legitimate messages out to groups of twenty. (My Facebook Straits recounts just some of my difficulties with FB’s anti-spam controls.)
So if you’d like to receive private email notices letting you know I’ve posted a new Limerick-Off first line, please send me a private email to MadKane@MadKane.com with the subject line “Limerick-Off Announcement Request.” Thanks very much!
Unassailable Logic
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who looked young for her years…
Here’s mine:
Unassailable Logic
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who looked young for her years
Was often assaulted by leers.
“That is rude,” pals opined,
But she said, “I don’t mind.
Soon enough they’ll replace them with jeers.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Not-So-Clean Limerick
Thursday, May 27th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who hated to clean…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Not-So-Clean Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who hated to clean
Was a bach’lor. (You know what I mean.)
His home was a wreck,
Filled with dust-covered dreck.
The mess was quite frankly obscene.
When he took a cute date to his place,
She fled, saying “What a disgrace!
I refuse to date pigs.
Get me out of these digs.
And my phone number? Kindly erase.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
A Take-Charge Marriage
Monday, January 22nd, 2007A Take-Charge Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re both bossy, my husband and I.
Domineering, some say with a sigh.
But though some might disparage
A two-bosses marriage,
Each day is the Fourth of July.
Tubing Blues
Sunday, August 20th, 2006Tubing — the masochistic act of hurtling down a fall-fraught river while clinging to an inner tube. Somehow my husband Mark talked me, a devout wimp, into trying it.
Why did I go along for the rocky river ride? Perhaps I was dazed by the beauty of the Catskill Mountains’ Esopus River. Perhaps the brave (or foolish) teens who plunged heedlessly into the Esopus shamed me into it. Or maybe I was feeling guilty for being a perennial naysayer. Whatever the reason, one summer day I broke my first rule of survival: If they advise helmets, avoid it.
Before risking the river we signed a paper saying our survivors couldn’t sue. Then Mark paced while I interrogated the clerk about safety. Jagged rock protection was high on her (and my) list. Sneakers for the feet, a helmeted head, and plywood in the tube to protect the tush.
After a short, steep bus ride up river, the driver said “Just throw your tubes into the river and get in.” He pointed towards what looked suspiciously like waterfalls.
Foolish me, I’d assumed there’d be an attendant to provide advice, guidance, and moral support. And to hold the damn tube in place long enough for me to lower myself onto it and grab its pathetic excuse for handles. At the very least, they could have posted a sign saying, “Start your death ride here.” … (Tubing Blues is continued here.)
