Headline of the Day from (of all places) The New York Post: “Exhaustion is to blame for Trump’s ‘Islamic terror’ comment: aide.”
“Low-Energy” Donald is beat.
His stamina’s burned by the heat.
He’s tired and mired
In shame; having fired
James Comey, he’s bound for defeat.
We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
(Bush and Gilmore and Kasich ain’t gone.)
Sleepy Ben, Grumpy Trump,
Cruz, and Marco still stump,
As the GOP con game drones on.
Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”
When you’re giving a speech, my dear chap,
And you’re forced to ask people, “please clap,”
That is sadder than sad.
Your campaign’s beyond bad.
Put a cap on your race. It’s a wrap!
Who should quit after last night’s debate?
It was Jebbie’s worst showing, to date,
A performance dismaying.
His fans must be weighing
Their option to dump his dead weight.
Jeb’s attack on pal Rubio failed,
And at Marco’s retort, Jeb just flailed.
Then smooth sailing for Marco.
From Jeb? Not a spark! Oh,
Jeb’s run has been fully derailed.
Jeb Bush is sounding bummed these days about the toxic nature of the race to be the Republican presidential nominee:
I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.
It seems Jebbie objects to the slings
And arrows of primary swings;
Having chosen to run,
He just ain’t havin’ fun…
And would rather do “really cool things.”
Though The Donald’s said many things bad,
Seems the one thing that makes Jebbie mad
Is when Donald Trump says
That Jeb’s brother was prez
On September 11th. The cad!
After yesterday’s 3-verser about the 2nd GOP debate, you’d think I’d be done. But apparently not:
How I loathe the “He kept us safe” line.
Jeb’s revived it. How dare he — that swine!
Silly me — I’d have sworn
9-11 was born
On Dub’s watch. Were we safe? I’d say nein.
No need to closely follow the Donald Trump/Jeb Bush insult fest. I’ve summarized it here as a public service:
“You’re a weak-on-immigration weenie.”
“No. You’re the weenie.”
“You’re a Common Core weenie.”
“No. You’re the weenie.”
“You’re a low-energy weenie.”
“No. You’re the weenie.”
“You’re an illegals-loving weenie.”
“You’re a Hillary-loving, abortion-loving weenie.”
“You’re a Spanish-speaking weenie.”
“You’re a liberal, germaphobic weenie.”
Just think of all the time I’ve saved you.
You’re welcome.
What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.
Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”
Jeb’s the cure for the GOP mess
Cuz he’s civil — so sayeth the press.
Yet as gov, Jeb was rotten!
Is Schiavo forgotten?
Jeb’s transgressions caused tragic distress.
Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why are so many newscasts ignoring
Bush’s lie when he claims he’s exploring
A possible race?
It’s clearly the case
That on FEC regs Jeb is warring.
Jeb’s been stretching the Super PAC rules
And playing the public for fools.
He coordinates madly,
Treats fed’ral law badly,
And laughs as the press acts like tools.
(You can read about Jeb’s “stretching the limits of election law” here and the lack of broadcast evening news coverage here.
Many GOP leaders are understandably upset by the remaining quartet of presidential aspirants. Their solution? A brokered convention featuring the brother of “He Who Can Not Be Mentioned.” Yes, Jeb Bush, as Republican Savior.
Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some Republicans weave quite the web
Of fantasy — Florida’s Jeb:
They’d replace their prez roster
With Bush, who will foster
A fix for the GOP ebb.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
