Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A government shutdown’s arrived–
An avoidable crisis contrived
By the wingnutty House,
Who blackmail and grouse
Over battles they’ve lost and revived.
Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Boehner, while reading the news,
I’m bewildered — it tends to confuse:
Either somebody stole
Your Speakership role,
Or you gave it to Senator Cruz.
Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?
The debt ceiling absolutely, positively must be raised to avoid a fiscal meltdown, and the Republican leadership knows it. But they’re saddled with a bunch of ignorant, “Tea Party” Congress-critters whose votes they desperately need.
Ironically, the job of educating them about debt ceiling realities has fallen to Paul Ryan, the Prince of Budget Misinformation.
Here’s what I’m wondering: The “Tea Party” nuts bought Paul Ryan’s lies. Will they believe him when he speaks the truth?
Paul Ryan, Educator???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though the GOP leadership’s tryin’
To get Tea Party votes, they ain’t buyin’,
Cuz they’re itchin’ to spike
Any debt ceiling hike.
Now the burden to school them’s on Ryan.
Limerick Ode to A Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The thought of a government shutdown
Should be quickly, decisively cut down.
But I fear that we’re screwed
Cuz of Washington’s mood:
Boehner’s party has turned into Nut Town.
It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.
Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.
UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.
I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.
And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:
Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.
On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:
As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.
I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:
Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.
For some reason, many Republicans view House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence (Indiana) as being smart. And yet just about any policy discussion reveals him to be an ignorant moron.
Limerick Ode To Mike Pence
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republican Congressman Pence
Has never made one lick of sense.
Why he’s viewed by his peers
To have brains tween his ears
Is a puzzle to Dems quite immense.
From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments. (My last one said goodbye and good riddance to Bush and Cheney.)
Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:
A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.
B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.
C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.
D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons.
E is for elections that just never seem to stop.
F’s for raising endless funds so pols will stay on on top.
G’s for GOPers who so love to misinform.
H is for our health care — much in need of broad reform.
I is for insurance co’s. They love the status quo.
J’s for Joseph Lieberman. He really needs to go.
K’s for Teddy Kennedy whose legacy is great.
L is for Rush Limbaugh whose big talent’s spreading hate.
M’s for John McCain who’s always on a Sunday show.
N’s for nihilist congressmen, so fond of saying “No!”
O is for Obama. Hope he’s worthy of his rise.
P is for Fox pundits and their “fair and balanced” lies.
Q is for the questions town hall crackpots often pose.
R’s for right-wing zealots who are truthful-info foes.
S is for Mark Sanford’s Argentinean affair.
T’s for Texans Perry and Pete Sessions. What a pair!
U is the USA. There’s greatness at its core.
V’s for fam’ly values preached by hypocrites galore.
W’s for Dubya and the mess he left behind.
X and Y and Z are hard. Their rhymes I can not find.
Even The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill:
House Republicans share the blame, and not only because they opposed the bill by about two-to-one, 133-65. Their immediate response was to say that many of their Members turned against the bill at the last minute because Ms. Pelosi gave her nasty speech. So they are saying that Republicans chose to oppose something they think is in the national interest merely because of a partisan slight. Thank heaven these guys weren’t at Valley Forge.
An Ode To Crybaby Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republican leaders assert
That the plan that attempts to avert
A depression just failed
Cuz Pelosi’s speech nailed
Bush’s failures — their feelings were hurt.
They are patriots first, they proclaim,
But when action’s a must they hurl blame,
Rushing out to condemn
“Hurtful” words from a Dem.
They treat critical bills like a game.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
Doomed Limerick
Thursday, October 17th, 2013The federal government’s reopened and the debt ceiling crisis was averted at the last minute. So the question now is, will this happen again? Alas, many experts believe we’re doomed to have yet another shutdown.
Doomed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This crisis is over for now,
But for those who are wiping their brow,
Please keep this in mind:
The very same bind
May in merely three months take a bow.
Tags: Debt Ceiling, Economy Satire, Extortion, Federal Budget, Federal Debt, Federal Default, Furloughed Employees, Government Default, Government Shutdown, House Republicans, Legislation Satire, Republicans Humor, U.S. Senate, Washington DC
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