The Iowa GOP Board
Found its straw poll was being ignored
And disdained — even mocked.
So I sure wasn’t shocked
By its vote to at last cut the cord.
Posts Tagged ‘GOP Humor’
No More Grasping At Straws (Limerick)
Friday, June 12th, 2015Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)
Monday, March 2nd, 2015Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma
A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.
Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”
When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”
Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”
*****
UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”
So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.
UPDATE 2:
Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:
In extremist times
reality/parody
appear to have merged.
“Good Old Days” (Limerick)
Thursday, November 13th, 2014“Good Old Days” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
What’s the GOP planning to do?
Their “restoring America” spew
Is nothing but code
For the “good old days” mode.
Tell me: How were those “good days” for YOU?
Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky
Tuesday, September 30th, 2014Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Charlotte, I hope you’re prepared
For attacks, because war’s been declared.
Though you just got your name,
You’re a Clinton — fair game!
Newborn Hillary-heirs won’t be spared.
Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 12th, 2014This could very well be the silliest limerick I’ve ever written. But when the focal point of a political ad appears to be a horse with a huge penis, I can’t help myself. And if you don’t know what I’m referring to, you simply must take a gander at Gary Kiehne and his well-hung horse.
Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a horse who was mad
Cuz his penis was used in an ad.
“How dare you imply
I’m endorsing that guy!
Scratch my likeness. That candidate’s bad!”
Limerick Ode To World Environment Day
Thursday, June 5th, 2014Limerick Ode To World Environment Day (June 5)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
World Environment Day has arrived,
Though “Deniers” insist it’s contrived:
This science contention
That sans intervention,
Global warming will leave us short-lived.
Limerick Ode To John Boehner
Saturday, May 31st, 2014My 2-verse limerick “celebrates” John Boehner, who certainly knows how to be cowardly, evasive, and stupid all at once. Here’s Boehner responding to a question about climate change:
Asked by reporters yesterday if he accepts the scientific consensus that greenhouse gas emissions contribute to global warming, John Boehner demurred on the curious but increasingly familiar grounds that he is not a scientist. “Listen, I’m not qualified to debate the science over climate change,” the House Speaker said. Boehner immediately turned the question to the killing of jobs that would result from any proposal to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, which he asserts with unwavering certainty. (On this question, Boehner is not held back by the fact that he is also not an economist.)
Limerick Ode To John Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John Boehner, it seems, knows the score;
He’ll be kicked by his “team” out the door
Should he ever concede
What folks know (if they read)
That our climate is changing full-bore.
So Boehner will simply rebuff
Any queries re climate change stuff.
“Can’t debate it he claims;
His “not qualified” aims
To dodge facts, cuz his pals prefer guff.
Those Sensitive Republicans (Limerick)
Thursday, December 5th, 2013According to a Politico story, Republicans pols and staffers are being given remedial sensitivity training to avoid further Todd Akin-style gaffes and to contend with the party’s gender gap.
Those Sensitive Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans, fearful of gaffes,
Are coaching both Congress and staffs
How to talk to a dame.
(Non-offense is their aim.)
How ’bout policy change, just for laughs?
A Modest Men’s Reproductive Health Reg Proposal (Limerick)
Friday, June 28th, 2013Ohio State Sen. Nina Turner’s proposed bill regulating men’s reproductive health inspired this multi-verse limerick:
A Modest Men’s Reproductive Health Reg Proposal (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Republican men who insist
On controlling gals’ bodies, we’re pissed.
Since what’s good for the goose
(It’s plain to deduce)
Suits the gander, I’ve drawn up this list:
Viagra henceforth is restricted
To those who can prove they’re afflicted
Via sex partner swearing
You’re impotent, sharing
Your plight through oath uncontradicted.
You must also sex therapy seek
To help you reach sexual peak.
And we’ll force you to take
A stress test, you rake,
And prove that your heart isn’t weak.
In addition, your doc must advise you
About celibacy and apprise you
It’s a “viable choice.”
Yes your doc must give voice
To your options, cuz some may surprise you.
Only then, will the state let your doc
Prescribe any meds for your cock.
After counsel advising
Of side effects rising
From ED pills — nothing to mock.
From then on, you’ll be monitored too
To make sure that your heart ain’t askew.
You’ll be checked and re-tested.
The state is invested
In protecting you guys when you screw.
If you think that such regs are intrusive,
Insulting, and even abusive,
All these rules don’t compare
To what women must bear:
Female freedom is gravely elusive.
Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013As long as the GOP’s packed with headline-grabbing wingnuts like Michele Bachmann, the Republican reboot’s going nowhere:
Attention, GOP: Your rebranding attempts are being undercut by a segment of your party getting big headlines and lots of airtime — a segment symbolized by the Minnesota quote-machine, Rep. Michele Bachmann. Due to a series of gaffes, she is again on the receiving end of criticism, including from Fox News powerhouse Bill O’Reilly. The congresswoman is also, as reported by The Daily Beast’s John Avlon, “embroiled in a litany of legal proceedings related to her rolling disaster of a presidential campaign — including an Office of Congressional Ethics investigation into campaign improprieties.”
…She speaks in apocalyptic terms about President Obama and Democrats. She has never met an inaccuracy or exaggeration she didn’t like in her thirst to negatively define the other side. (Fact-checkers following her speeches may soon have to seek workmen’s compensation.)…
Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP wants to reboot—
Switch its image from crazy old coot
To something appealing,
More meanness-concealing—
A change that its zealots refute.
Limerick Ode To Republican “Reformers”
Thursday, March 14th, 2013I sure hope you aren’t falling for the Republicans’ pretense of reforming themselves. Although they’ve been pretending to moderate themselves in order to attract women and Latinos, their policies are more brutally extreme than ever:
Don’t be fooled. On the ground, a very different reality is unfolding: In the Republican-led Congress, GOP-dominated statehouses and even before the nation’s highest court, the reactionary impulses of the Republican Party appear unbowed. Across the nation, the GOP’s severely conservative agenda – which seeks to impose job-killing austerity, to roll back voting and reproductive rights, to deprive the working poor of health care, and to destroy agencies that protect the environment from industry and consumers from predatory banks – is moving forward under full steam.
Limerick Ode To Republican “Reformers”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s steaming ahead
With plans that most people should dread.
Though they speak of reform,
They’re reverting to norm,
Thus ensuring we’re bled and unfed.
Limerick Ode To Republican Whiners
Thursday, February 28th, 2013Michael Kinsley is amused by the Republicans’ conflicting complaints about Democrats. So am I.
Limerick Ode To Republican Whiners
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Since Dems are so often maligned
As wimpy, I’m startled to find
A new GOP gripe:
Dems are meanies, they snipe.
Please Republicans, make up your mind.
Open Limerick To The Media
Monday, February 11th, 2013As Obama’s State of the Union address draws nearer, the press (thanks to GOP prodding) has become obsessed with one question: Why the focus on a liberal agenda, instead of jobs and the economy?
Open Limerick To The Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Where’s your focus on jobs?” asks the press,
As Obama contends with a mess
Of issues galore,
Cuz his job at its core
Is to many dilemmas address.
So dear media, try this new task:
Press Republicans: Tough questions ask!
Like “Just what have THEY done
About jobs. Name just one
Thing they do besides block, bitch, and bask.”
Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
Monday, December 10th, 2012In the “fiscal cliff” negotiations, Republicans are irrationally demanding a hike in the Medicare eligibility age — what Nancy Pelosi refers to as “a trophy that the Republicans want.”
As Ezra Klein explains, this would not save money or help solve the health care cost problem, and it would hurt lots of people. Unfortunately, Republicans seem to favor symbolism over substance, and raising the Medicare eligibility age would be “a signal that they won something big on entitlements.”
Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
GOPers want change that ain’t sage:
Raise the Medicare-el’gible age.
This does harm — won’t address
The health care cost mess:
It’s the fruit of entitlements-rage.
