Headline: “Trump Suggests Only He Can Decide the Truth”
What’s true? Donald Trump gets to choose!
That’s just one of his lunatic views.
As a matter of course,
Any claim by a source
That makes Donald look bad is “fake news.”
Posts Tagged ‘Fake News’
Limerick Ode to Truth-Decider Trump
Monday, November 19th, 2018If Only Trump Could Write Limericks…
Saturday, June 16th, 2018Headline: “Trump grumbles that North Korea deal not earning wide praise”
My deals are the best! They’re top drawer!
I’ve saved millions from nuclear war.
So where is my credit?
Fake News of course shred it.
I’ll sue till they tell me, “J’adore!”
A Trumpian Perspective (Limerick)
Saturday, September 30th, 2017Unsupportive opinions? Flake views!
Unflattering numbers? A ruse!
No matter the topic,
The Donald’s myopic;
If it isn’t pro-Trump, it’s “Fake News!”
Satirist’s Quandary
Sunday, August 27th, 2017I may soon have to start placing tags
On my satire posts; flashing flags
That say, “Warning! Not True!
“It’s a spoof!” How I rue
The resemblance of real news to gags.
Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)
Sunday, August 27th, 2017I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:
*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.
*******
An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.
*********
Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.
*****
Life With Mark and Madeleine:
Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.
Madeleine: What’s the problem?
Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!
Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”
*****
“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”
What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.
*****
Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!
*****
I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!
*****
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”
So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:
Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?
*****
Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?
Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!
Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.
Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?
*****
“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”
Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…
Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?
*****
Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”
(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)
*****
“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”
Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!
*****
Trump’s Phoenix Rally
Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.
*****
Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”
The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.
*****
Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!
*****
Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!
*****
Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:
Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.
What’s another Trump lie?
*****
Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”
*****
Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!
*****
Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!
*****
Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?
*****
The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.
*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku
“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.
*****
Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?
*****
Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?
*****
“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.
*****
The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.
*****
Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?
*****
If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.
*****
Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?
*****
A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!
*****
Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.
*****
Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.
*****
Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:
“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.
*****
“Fake News” Hypocrisy (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2017Trump, who loves to slam “unnamed sources” as “fake news,” retweeted “FOX & friends” today:
Jared Kushner didn’t suggest Russian communications channel in meeting, source says.
“Unnamed sources are bad! They spread lies.”
It’s “fake news” when they’re used, Donald cries.
And yet sources unnamed
Who’ve loudly proclaimed
Stuff he likes? Those are upright and wise.
Did Trump Leak His Own Return? (Limerick)
Thursday, March 16th, 2017Trump’s been bitching about the publication of an old 1040 — a partial tax return that actually makes him look like a successful businessman and that does him no real harm. Moreover, he’s called it “fake news,” even though its validity was confirmed by Trump’s own office. So here’s my theory via limerick:
Dear Donald, the news makes you burn,
And your wiretap fib’s in an urn.
Ryan’s plan is a bust,
And distraction’s a must,
So I’m betting YOU leaked your return.
Arise (Limerick)
Friday, December 30th, 2016There’s a U.S. reality gap,
Where actual facts are deemed pap
And derided as lies.
It’s time to get wise
And arise from our nightmarish nap.
In the meantime we’re haplessly trapped;
Our nation’s been kidnapped and zapped
By a fellow whose con
Has allowed him to don
The cloak of great power, untapped.
Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)
Monday, March 2nd, 2015Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma
A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.
Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”
When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”
Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”
*****
UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”
So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.
UPDATE 2:
Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:
In extremist times
reality/parody
appear to have merged.
