Posts Tagged ‘Election Satire’

Romney’s Nutcase Surrogate (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Apparently, an Obama death threat from Mitt Romney surrogate Ted Nugent isn’t as condemnation-worthy as Ann Romney being dissed by Hilary Rosen. Good to know.

I suppose we should be grateful that after some nudging, Nugent’s presidential death threat was pronounced divisive by a Romney spokesperson.

Romney’s Nutcase Surrogate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s Nugent has threatened Obama.
So where is the sturm and the drama?
When Ann Romney is dissed,
It’s harangue-worthy grist,
Far more grave than prez death threats? Oh mama!

Mommy Madness (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

I’ve been trying to ignore the whole Hilary Rosen controversy. The one where Republicans use a stupid remark made by a CNN contributor to get everyone to stop talking about the Republican war on women.

Somehow, one person’s foolish remark is supposed to mean that President Obama and his fellow Dems diss stay-at-home moms:

The presidential campaign was consumed this week by controversy over Ann Romney and stay-at-home moms. Republicans seized on a stray comment by CNN contributor Hilary Rosen, who said Ann Romney had “never worked a day in her life.” Romney responded to the Rosen comments in a speech to the National Rifle Association on Friday, saying, “I happen to believe that all moms are working moms.”

But earlier this year, Romney said this on the topic of welfare:

“I wanted to increase the work requirement,” Romney said. “I said, for instance, that even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work. And people said, ‘Well that’s heartless,’ and I said ‘No, no, I’m willing to spend more giving daycare to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost the state more providing that daycare, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.’” (emphasis added)

So apparently, raising children is dignified work only when done by wealthy gals like Ann Romney.

Mommy Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney and Ann like to bitch
That the Dems have thrown moms down the ditch.
Yet Romney’s the jerk
Who said child care ain’t work,
Unless done by a mommy who’s rich.

Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Rick Santorum, having apparently read Pennsylvania’s tea leaves, exited the 2012 presidential race. Did Mitt Romney promise him something? Or is Santorum simply avoiding another home state debacle, so as to preserve his shot at Election 2016? I vote for the latter.

Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum’s bowed out of the race.
It appears that the man could not face
The risk that he’d lose
His home state. Best refuse
To continue, avoiding disgrace.

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Mitt Romney has big plans to “eliminate government programs and shutter cabinet agencies.” Which ones are on his dump-list? He refuses to say, responding, with a warped sort of honesty, that providing specifics could cost him the election.

Or as Jonathan Chait amusingly puts it: “One of the things I have found in previous elections is that announcing my plans makes people want to vote against me!”

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are agencies Mitt doesn’t like
And programs he’s planning to spike.
But he won’t tell us which
He’s intending to ditch.
You want pre-voting facts? Take a hike.

Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

When you represent a candidate who’s famed for his pandering opinion changes, it might be best to eliminate “Etch-a-Sketch” from your vocabulary:

Instead of rejoicing in what looks to be the beginning of the end of the Republican presidential race, however, Romney and his team are on the defensive over an Etch-a-Sketch. Yes, an Etch-a-Sketch.

Erik Fehrnstrom, one of Romney’s top aides, made the unfortunate comparison between his candidate and the child’s toy during a television interview on CNN on Wednesday morning.

“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign,” said Fehrnstrom. “Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-a-Sketch – you can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s policy viewpoints are fleeting.
They’re not helping him? Watch his retreating.
First he’s for, then agin,
As his mouthpieces spin.
Mitt needs Etch-a-Sketch-YouTube deleting.

Mitt’s Campaign Heats Up (Limerick)

Monday, March 12th, 2012

If I must see bare-chested Republican politicians, I definitely prefer Mitt Romney over Newt.

Mitt’s Campaign Heats Up (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is Romney a hottie? Darn tootin’!
His bare-chested pics have folks rootin’.
Are his people at peace
With this photo release?
I’m betting his team copied Putin.

A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

I can’t imagine that you Southern Republicans are falling for Mitt Romney’s grits-liking pander. But here’s a limerick, just in case any of you think “unofficial Southerner” Romney is being sincere with “y’all.”

A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s playing an “out of town game,”
By pretending that he’s just the same
As you Southern state folks.
He likes grits? What a hoax,
With duping “y’all” voters his aim.

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Rick Santorum’s campaign is stunningly inept in its failure to qualify for sundry ballots.

Yes, I know that Santorum’s campaign is woefully under-funded. And that he never expected to get this far. But at some point, I can’t help wondering whether Santorum is using the faith-based method of ballot qualification.

Of course all this begs the question: Why the heck can’t Mitt Romney finish him off?

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum’s campaign is inept,
Under-funded, abysmally prepped.
Yet the contest is split:
Hairline wins made by Mitt
Where the Gov should have easily swept.

What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney would love all this over:
Nomination sewn up, in like clover,
All primed for a fight
To be Prez with the right
To ride Limo One topped with Rover.

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Super Tuesday’s arrived at long last.
Will Mitt’s wins be decisively vast?
Will his delegate count
Impressively mount,
Thereby ending the press fun too fast?

Poor Mitt (Limerick)

Monday, March 5th, 2012

I’m starting to think Ann Romney doesn’t want to be First Lady. Why else would someone with a family net worth of $250 million make stupidly transparent remarks like this?

“We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing, it can be here today and gone tomorrow.”

Poor Mitt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, you should tell your wife, Ann,
To stop trying to help out her man.
For your cause, it ain’t healthy
To claim you ain’t wealthy:
Ann’s not feeling rich doesn’t scan.

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

Did you know that higher education is snobbish and elitist? And that it causes liberal indoctrination? That’s the message we’ve been getting lately from Republicans like Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. They each have a trio of college degrees … but hey, who’s counting? In fact, why even bother learning to count?

Yes, indeed, there’s a Republican war on college education:

First came Mitt Romney’s dismissive remarks about President Obama’s “faculty lounge” pals. Now Rick Santorum is calling Obama snobby for urging people to go to college – and defending that view in a series of TV appearances.

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t bother your miniscule head
With college — don’t need higher ed.”
That’s the Rick and Mitt screed,
Though they’re multi-degreed.
Informed-voters — yes, that’s what they dread.

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I confess I became rather tearful
At Newt’s self-description as “cheerful.”
These were not tears of sadness,
But rather of gladness:
Cuz the “Newt Show” ain’t done. (I’d been fearful.)

Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Imagine giving a speech in a stadium meant to hold 65,000 people. Now imagine only 1,200 people showing up.

If you want to see what that looks like, check out this photo of Mitt Romney’s speech in Detroit’s Ford Stadium.

Mitt Romney is holding an event at Ford Stadium which has failed to attract enough people to come even close to filling it up (in fact, you could fit Romney’s 1,200 person crowd in the 65,000-seat stadium 54 times over).

Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just twelve-hundred folks in a place
Meant for sixty-five-thousand. Bare space!
That’s Mitt in Detroit:
Romney’s team ain’t adroit,
And poor Mitt has a very small base.

A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Talking heads are always spouting theories, so why can’t I? This one’s for those who think Ron Paul’s being suspiciously nice to Mitt Romney:

A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Does Ron Paul have a plan rather grand
In helping Mitt further his brand?
Maybe Mitt promised Paul:
“If you’ll kindly play ball,
Then I’ll hand the V.P. slot to Rand.”

Frank Luntz’s Killer Of A Joke (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

If any Republican operative should know not to joke about killing President Obama, it’s pollster/wordsmith Frank Luntz. And yet that’s precisely what he did:

If you think the race for the Republican presidential nomination has been ugly, you’re right. However, a recent joke by Republican pollster and Fox News analyst Frank Luntz indicates that the general election promises to be even uglier. Warming up a crowd at a Rick Santorum campaign event Monday night, Luntz cracked, “I have a ‘Run, Barack, Run’ bumper sticker, but I put it on the front of my car.

Here’s Rachel Maddow’s story on this, including the video of Luntz’s running-President-Obama-over joke.

Frank Luntz’s Killer Of A Joke (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican messaging czar
Is an expert at framing — a star.
Yet he loves to tee-hee
That Obama must flee,
Or be struck by a GOP car.

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

When I see a title like this, I pretty much have to write a limerick: Santorum Good for Chastity-Belt Sales? Manufacturer Says, “We’ve Had a Boost”

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s good news for Republican men:
You can guard against gals with a yen
For sex you deem evil
With something primeval:
Yes chastity belts — Curb your hen!

Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

Many GOP leaders are understandably upset by the remaining quartet of presidential aspirants. Their solution? A brokered convention featuring the brother of “He Who Can Not Be Mentioned.” Yes, Jeb Bush, as Republican Savior.

Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans weave quite the web
Of fantasy — Florida’s Jeb:
They’d replace their prez roster
With Bush, who will foster
A fix for the GOP ebb.

Just In Time For Presidents Day — Would-Be Presidential Clerihews

Saturday, February 18th, 2012

In case all those ads haven’t clued you in, Presidents Day is nearly here. To celebrate, I’ve written a pair of clerihews for would-be presidents Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. What’s a clerihew? A whimsically biographical four-line poem, more fully described here.

Willard Mitt Romney
Has wealth that’s omni.
But he’s stiff as a yoke.
Kindly give that man a toke.

*****

Ricky Santorum
Loves his forum.
Being prez is his quest
In a knit sweater vest.

(My set of eight Eight 4-Liners For The Initial Republican Contenders is here.)

Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum

Monday, February 13th, 2012

Before I get to today’s Rick Santorum limerick, here’s a post from my other blog about the Mary Todd Lincoln portrait hoax.

Getting back to Santorum, Rick (not to be outdone by Ron Paul’s newsletter disclaimers) is feigning ignorance over his very own book:

Only days after having to explain a comment about women and emotions in combat, Rick Santorum seemed to struggle a bit on Sunday to explain a remark in his 2005 book “It Takes a Family” that blamed “radical feminists” for undermining families and for trying to persuade women that they could find fulfillment only in the workplace.

Asked on the ABC News program “This Week” about the book’s contentions, Mr. Santorum noted that his wife, Karen, had written that section — though only his name is on the cover and he does not list her in the acknowledgments as among those “who assisted me in the writing of this book.” …

In the interview on Sunday, Mr. Santorum pleaded unfamiliarity with the citation, saying, “I don’t know – that’s a new quote for me”…

Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Rick, when you author a book
You have placed yourself square on the hook
For the contents inside.
You’re a coward to hide
From your screed. Either that, or a schnook.