Headline: “JD Vance’s plan to lower childcare costs: have grandma and grandpa ‘help a little bit more'”
JD Vance has a fabulous plan
To reduce childcare costs. What a man!
It’s not tax breaks or grants:
Just cry “Help!” to the aunts,
Uncles, granddads, and each weary gran.
Headline: “Trump’s tariffs might amount to the biggest U.S. tax hike since the 1980s”
And now my two-verse limerick:
A tariff is really a tax
That Trump’s hitting us with to the max,
Just to make his base think
Trump the “tough guy” won’t blink.
Dear voters, please give him the ax.
Donald counts on his fans not to know
That tariffs are taxes, and so
He keeps raising those taxes.
Here’s hoping the ax is
About to deliver its blow.
Braggart Trump is fed up with the Fed;
It’s “crazy” and “loco,” he said.
When the stock market falls,
It’s his fall guy. What balls!
Blame his tariffs? Ha! Blame Fed instead!
*****
(After I posted the following limerick on Facebook, Ryan Zinke (under pressure from Democrats, reversed himself and pretended that he’d never even fired Mary Kendall.)
Ryan Zinke is Trump’s kinda guy;
The Interior’s leader says “Why
Should I let an I.G.
Investigate me?”
Then he fires her: Kendall, buh-bye!
Here’s a story that many find boring:
The federal deficit’s soaring.
But no doubt Trump will rate it
Fake news and inflated…
As he brags to his fan base adoring.
I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:
*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.
*******
An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.
*********
Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.
*****
Life With Mark and Madeleine:
Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.
Madeleine: What’s the problem?
Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!
Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”
*****
“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”
What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.
*****
Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!
*****
I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!
*****
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”
So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:
Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?
*****
Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?
Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!
Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.
Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?
*****
“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”
Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…
Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?
*****
Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”
(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)
*****
“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”
Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!
*****
Trump’s Phoenix Rally
Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.
*****
Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”
The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.
*****
Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!
*****
Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!
*****
Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:
Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.
What’s another Trump lie?
*****
Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”
*****
Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!
*****
Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!
*****
Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?
*****
The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.
*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku
“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.
*****
Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?
*****
Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?
*****
“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.
*****
The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.
*****
Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?
*****
If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.
*****
Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?
*****
A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!
*****
Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.
*****
Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.
*****
Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:
“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.
*****
Keeping a straight face when you interview Trump must be tough … especially for The Economist team; Trump told them he “came up with” the phrase “prime the pump,” and wanted to know if they’d heard it before and understood what it meant.
There once was a wordsmith named Trump,
Who claimed to have coined “prime the pump,”
A phrase that pre-dates
Donald’s birth. Sorry mates,
But his brain remains lodged in his rump.
Does anyone else cringe when the media calls Trump a “populist?” I suggest these, instead: “purported populist,” “fake populist,” “alleged populist,” just-pretend populist,” or “faux populist.”
A “faux populist” con hurtled Trump
To the White House, the votes from each chump
Gained by promises made
That he’d come to their aid;
Bigly duped by a fraud on the stump.
Serious fiscal negotiations are (or at least should be) going on right now in Washington DC. And whether you think we’re facing a “fiscal cliff,” or more of a “fiscal incline,” here’s a Thanksgiving message to Washington politicians: Please talk turkey and work something out that makes sense for our nation.
Thanksgiving Limerick For DC Pols
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s time for some serious talk.
Please don’t bitch or complain, and don’t balk.
Our issues are great—
Act before it’s too late.
So kindly talk turkey. Don’t squawk.
I like the way Paul Krugman sizes up Mitt Romney’s “plan” for our economy:
As many people have noticed, Mr. Romney’s five-point “economic plan” is very nearly substance-free. It vaguely suggests that he will pursue the same goals Republicans always pursue — weaker environmental protection, lower taxes on the wealthy. But it offers neither specifics nor any indication why returning to George W. Bush’s policies would cure a slump that began on Mr. Bush’s watch.
In his Boca Raton meeting with donors, however, Mr. Romney revealed his real plan, which is to rely on magic. “My own view is,” he declared, “if we win on November 6, there will be a great deal of optimism about the future of this country. We’ll see capital come back, and we’ll see — without actually doing anything — we’ll actually get a boost in the economy.”
Limerick Ode To Magical Mitt Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Paul has slashed Romney’s plan down to size:
The mere fact of Mitt’s win would give rise
To a positive feeling
And thus, fiscal healing.
Vote for Mitt — get a magic surprise.
Limerick Ode To A Republican Mess
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The debt ceiling battle keeps going,
And the risk of default keeps on growing.
The GOP team
Caused a crisis supreme.
And we’re all sure to reap what they’re sowing.
Republican Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shall we immunize children? Heck no!
Supply food to the starving? No go!
Cuz Republicans say
That we’re broke ev’ry day,
As they help out the rich on skid row.
Ezra Klein makes some good points about Republicans and their penny-wise and pound-foolish budget-slashing:
There are three categories of spending in which cuts lead to more, rather than less, spending down the line, says Alice Rivlin, former director of both the Congressional Budget Office and the Office of Management and Budget. Inspection, enforcement and maintenance. The GOP is trying to cut all three.
This is no surprise coming from Republicans who worship at the altar of Ronald Reagan. After all, back in 1989 the GAO had plenty to say about the damage done by Reagan’s short-sighted cutbacks:
Charles Bowsher, head of the General Accounting Office, told Congress yesterday that Reagan-era budget cuts created a climate of lax oversight and mismanagement. He said Reagan’s effort to save some money through budget cuts is likely to cost another $150 billion in the 1990s.
“We have been penny wise and really pound foolish,” Bowsher said.
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Brace For Another Pounding From Pound-Foolish Policies
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Preventative spending is wise —
Lessens risk that disasters arise —
Forestalls flooding and fraud,
Outbreaks, tragedy broad.
Cut such spending? Huge costs in disguise.
No doubt you’ve heard about John Boehner’s “so be it” nonchalant reaction to the loss of federal jobs. It seems Boehner’s finished feigning compassion.
This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Boehner’s known for his grief-stricken sobs,
For emoting through loose tear duct knobs.
Yet his eyes remain dry,
He refuses to cry
For Americans losing their jobs.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters!
Monday, March 16th, 2009The Bush-Cheney spinmeisters refuse to go away. Last week it was Ari Fleischer, and this week it’s Dana Perino on CSPAN’s Washington Journal.
Perino actually said Bush should get some credit for last week’s stock market upswing. And she falsely claimed for the gazillionth time that Bush inherited a recession from Bill Clinton.
U.S. economy as of January 20, 2001. U.S. economy as of January 20, 2009. Exactly the same, right?
Sigh… It’s time for a limerick:
Go Away Already, Bushie Spinmeisters!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Blame Barack when the stock market drops.
When it rises say Bush deserves props.
That’s Perino’s approach.
(Bush deserves no reproach.)
Yes, at double talk Dana is tops.
Tags: Ari Fleischer, Bill Clinton, Bush, CSPAN, Dana Perino, Economy, Inauguration, Media, Obama, Recession, Spinmeister, Stock Market, Washington Journal
Posted in Barack Obama, Dana Perino, Economy Humor, Fiscal Policy, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Spin Humor, Stock Market Humor, Washington, White House | 6 Comments »