Archive for the ‘Wingnuts’ Category

The Birth Of Lunacy

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

As I wrote Monday, David Vitter has an unexpected primary fight on his hands. Well, apparently he’s now so desperate to hold on to the wingnut vote, that he’s turned into a full-fledged Birther.

At a town hall event Sunday, he made it clear that he backs Birther lawsuits challenging President Obama’s citizenship, saying he supports “conservative legal organizations and others who would bring that to court.”

That brings me to my latest David Vitter limerick:

The Birth Of Lunacy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

David Vitter has told us his view
Of the Birther position, on cue.
He profoundly approves
And says it behooves
Those with standing to sue, baby, sue.

Those Sorry Republicans

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Those Sorry Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just what’s the Republican mission?
To oppose each Obama position.
He gets tough on BP—
Gets an escrow, then see
Their response to the BP contrition:

Reps Joe Barton and Bachman and Price
By default claimed Obama ain’t nice.
He’s been mean to BP.
It a shakedown, you see.
Cuz unthinking objection’s their vice.

But fighting this fund makes no sense.
To do so’s an error immense.
The people approve.
It’s a positive move,
And opposing it makes them look dense.

Even Boehner and co seem to know
That defending BP’s a no-go.
Strikes a terrible tone,
So they rushed to disown
The pro-BP speech made by Joe.

But a hundred-plus others expressed
The same viewpoint in print. Not addressed!
It seems Boehner and co
Are pretending as though
The have solved their BP PR test.

It is clear where Republicans stand.
They are naught but a pro-corp’rate brand.
They put citizens last
And are only aghast
When a Dem gives the people a hand.

Related Posts: Kick-Ass Limerick, Haley’s Barbaric Attitude and Oily Obstruction.

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Harry Reid sure caught a lucky break Tuesday: Nevada’s looniest would-be Senator won the Republican nomination. Yes, Senator Reid’s opponent will be the wingnutty Sharron Angle, a woman with views so odd, she almost manages to make Rand Paul look semi-normal.

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Harry’s hopes for November looked bleak,
With Republican odds at their peak.
But he’ll easily wrangle
The wacky Ms. Angle.
Thank you, wingnuts, for picking a freak.

Republican Pols — Off or On the Rand-Wagon?

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

In the wake of his humiliating interview on Rachel Maddow’s MSNBC show, Rand Paul has a serious Civil Rights Act problem. It’s so bad, that he’s already flip-flopping (or pretending to flip-flop) over his views and he was even scared into canceling his scheduled Meet the Press interview.

But Rand Paul isn’t the only guy with a problem — his fellow Republican pols have one too. What do I mean? Well, eventually they’ll have to choose sides: Either stick up for the Republican nominee with the insane views and maintain party loyalty, or disavow Rand Paul’s views and be seen by many as disloyal to the GOP. Good luck with that.

This brings me to my latest three-verse limerick:

Republican Pols — Off or On the Rand-Wagon?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Sen. nominee known as Rand
Is as odd as they come in this land.
He says cos are endowed
With this right: All’s allowed.
Paul would give them a fully free hand.

If they want to be racist, they may.
Block the Jews from their doors? That’s okay.
Cuz the gospel of Paul
Is no biz regs at all.
So feel free to go fire a gay.

The Republican leaders must choose
To decry (or endorse) these mad views.
There is no in-between.
There’s no hiding, I mean.
Back the Tea Party Guy, and they lose.

Maine Mishigas

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Would you like to dump the Department of Education and the Federal Reserve?

Do you believe there’s “collusion between government and industry in the global warming myth”?

Do you think the U.S. should adopt “Austrian Economics,” abrogate the “UN Treaty on Rights of the Child” and the “Law Of The Sea Treaty” and resist “efforts to create a one world government”?

Then do I have a Republican Party Platform for you:

Maine Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican Party of Maine
Has apparently gone quite insane.
It has managed to fill
Its new platform with swill.
What an odd way to run a campaign.

But citizens tend to ignore
Party platforms — they’re often a bore.
So Dems, spread the word
Re this platform absurd.
Cuz (if known) it has little allure.

Note: I suppose a crazy party platform should be expected from people who’d behave like this while they’re adopting it:

The Republican State Convention was held at the Portland Exposition Building, which is on Park Avenue, near the middle school. Party members from Knox County caucused in a classroom used by eighth-grade social studies teacher Paul Clifford.

When Clifford returned to school on Monday, he found that a favorite poster about the U.S. labor movement had been taken and replaced with a bumper sticker that read, “Working People Vote Republican.”

Later, Clifford learned that his classroom had been searched. Republicans who had attended the convention called Principal Mike McCarthy to complain about “anti-American” things they saw there, including a closed box containing copies of the U.S. Constitution that were published by the American Civil Liberties Union.

Obama’s What???

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

How amusing! We’ve moved from “Obama’s Katrina” to “Obama’s Harriet Miers.” Yes, wingnutty Republicans are invoking Harriet Miers in discussing Obama’s U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan. Sorry, Redstate and the rest of you, the answer to “Will this be President Obama’s Harriet Miers Moment?” is “No!”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Obama’s What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Obama’s Katrina,” they say.
“Obama’s H. Miers,” they pray.
To the wingnuts give thanks
For reminding the ranks
Of the many ways Bush went astray.

Related Posts: U.S. Supreme Court Humor

Senseless About The Census

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama’s Census illegally invades your privacy!

That’s a paranoid lie of course, but one that was started by Michele Bachmann and her cohorts. Ironically, it’s been reducing U.S. Census compliance to the detriment of the very people who are bitching about it. Here’s Philly Inq’s Dick Polman:

In the kingdom of ignorance, this story reigns:

Anti-government conservatives – apparently clueless about the history of the country they want to “take back,” and willfully believing the Pinocchio whoppers circulated via spam mail, talk radio, and YouTube – are currently engaged in a fascinating form of protest. Millions are refusing to fill out their 2010 Census forms.

***

The trend is so alarming that one Republican congressman, Patrick McHenry of North Carolina, felt compelled yesterday to plead with his right-wing brethren to fill out the forms; as he wrote on redstate.com, the popular conservative site, “If we do not respond, we will not be counted, and if we are not counted, then we effectively will not exist.”

Most notably, he urged his readers not to believe “the blatant misinformation” that has been circulated by “otherwise well-meaning conservatives.” Which was a polite way of saying, “Don’t listen to the liars.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Senseless About The Census
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Crazed conservative protestors scream:
We must “take back” our nation’s their theme.
Self-destructively rash,
They treat Census like trash.
Good luck with their blockheaded scheme!

J.D. Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. This is what he had to say during his Rick Santorum-like “man on dog” moment:

You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, “the establishment of intimacy.” Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse.

Now I’m very happily married to a human male right now. But just in case it doesn’t work out, I think this is wonderful news:

Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like to be wed to a cat?
Or a horse, or a dog, or a bat?
Or even an ass?
Simply move out to Mass.
Hayworth says it’s okay. So that’s that.

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

A right-winger has to go pretty far to be criticized by both the left and the right. But Liz Cheney and her Keep America Safe organization have managed to do it with their McCarthy-like attacks on U.S. Justice Department lawyers, smearing and demonizing them as terrorist sympathizers for their previous legal work defending Gitmo detainees.

This brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Has Cheney gone stark raving mad?
I’m speaking of Liz — not her dad.
Now even some peers
Are attacking her smears
As McCarthy-like. Talk about sad!

When her natural allies cry foul,
She’s applying her lies with a trowel.
If she fails to give in
And fess up to her sin,
She’ll end up with a Dick Cheney scowl.

Related Posts: Liz Cheney’s Song and Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys

Testy Republicans

Monday, November 30th, 2009

By now you’ve surely heard about the GOP’s proposed conservative “purity test,” a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party “undesirables.”

Under this test (Reagan’s Unity Principle for Support of Candidates), if you’re not right-wing enough to pass muster on at least eight of ten position points, you forfeit RNC support.

How ironic and amusing that Ronald Reagan, the “purity test’s” namesake, couldn’t come close to passing it.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Testy Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans want to ensure
That all of its members are pure:
Wrong on 3 of 10 planks?
Then it’s “Sorry, no thanks,”
Cuz you’re lacking in wingnut allure.

So how odd that their “God” would not pass
This purity test — what a gas!
Reagan’s record is clear:
He would fail, were he here.
Yet he’s Prez nonpareil, under grass.

Bowing … And Scraping Bottom

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Fox News and all the usual wingnut suspects are simply horrified because President Obama, in a show of diplomatic courtesy, bowed to Emperor Akihito of Japan. This was a shocking and unprecedented show of weakness and subservience, according to sundry Obama bashers, including Karl Rove, Steve Doocy, and Dick Cheney.

It seems only Republican Presidents are allowed such bows (Richard Nixon to Japanese Emperor Hirohito, Dwight Eisenhower to Charles De Gaulle).

But as far as I’m concerned, President Obama can bow to as many foreign leaders as he likes. Although perhaps he should leave the Saudi Prince lip-kissing and hand-holding to George W. Bush.

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Bowing … And Scraping Bottom
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kissing princes and hand-holding’s fine
For a Prez on the GOP line.
But a bow from Obama
To emp’rors — what drama!
Such nonsense, this sham wingnut-whine.

Stupak Stupidity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion.

Let me try to explain, even though the effort may make my brain explode. “Money is fungible,” say proponents of the Stupak abortion-coverage ban. And under “Stupak logic,” if your insurance policy doesn’t cover abortions, but your insurer issues abortion coverage to other people, your premiums are part of a pool of baby-killing cash.

This brings us back to the RNC whose health insurance policy, until roughly five minute ago, covered elective abortions and has done so since 1991.

So what inspired the sudden change? The RNC’s hypocritical abortion coverage got some headlines, embarrassing Chairman Michael Steele into sending its carrier an opt-out notice — something the RNC could have done any time during the last eighteen years.

End of story, right? Well, not exactly. Because the RNC hasn’t stopped paying health insurance premiums to Cigna. And Cigna still issues abortion insurance to other organizations. So under “Stupak logic,” the RNC and its donors are still subsidizing abortion and killing those babies.

Shame on the RNC! And shame also on Focus on the Family, which has its own fungible money problem. It’s insured by Principal, yet another abortion-covering carrier.

The RNC and Focus on the Family have earned themselves a limerick, don’t you think?

Stupak Stupidity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The folks behind Stupak are clear:
All money is fungible. Hear?
So how odd that they chose
To pay money to cos
That finance abortions each year.

Related Post: Stewing Over Stupak

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t decide what’s funnier:

a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or

b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.

Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.

Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.

Celebrating Sarah

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin’s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century.

Thanks also to Dick Armey for his help in electing Democrat Bill Owens. (I understand Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman has a big, wet kiss for Dick Armey too.)

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Celebrating Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Sarah, your meddling is great.
I just love what you did to my state.
Your GOP purge
Will make Democrats surge
As you spread anti-moderates hate.

Ode To Party-First Republicans

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? Unfortunately, that distinction is rapidly vanishing. And Republican reaction to 1) Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win; and 2) Chicago’s failure to land the Olympics are but two recent examples.

Ode To Party-First Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the Prez wins a prize, wingnuts sneer.
When we lose the Olympics, they cheer.
“Country first,” they once said.
Seems that sentiment’s dead.
If Barack killed bin Laden, they’d jeer.

Mark Sanford, The Not-So-Frugal Traveler

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a “frugal conservative.”

The Not-So-Frugal Traveler (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Making staffers use each Post-It side,
Mark Sanford would wastefulness chide.
Then he’d charter a plane,
Throwing cash down the drain.
Sanford sure took his state for a ride.

Related Posts: Ode to Mark “Sweet Talker” Sanford; Mark Sanford’s Trail … Of Hypocrisy; and Mark Sanford — Lost? Or Losing It?

Alpha-Political Verse 2009

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments. (My last one said goodbye and good riddance to Bush and Cheney.)

Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:

A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.

B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.

C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.

D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons.

E is for elections that just never seem to stop.

F’s for raising endless funds so pols will stay on on top.

G’s for GOPers who so love to misinform.

H is for our health care — much in need of broad reform.

I is for insurance co’s. They love the status quo.

J’s for Joseph Lieberman. He really needs to go.

K’s for Teddy Kennedy whose legacy is great.

L is for Rush Limbaugh whose big talent’s spreading hate.

M’s for John McCain who’s always on a Sunday show.

N’s for nihilist congressmen, so fond of saying “No!”

O is for Obama. Hope he’s worthy of his rise.

P is for Fox pundits and their “fair and balanced” lies.

Q is for the questions town hall crackpots often pose.

R’s for right-wing zealots who are truthful-info foes.

S is for Mark Sanford’s Argentinean affair.

T’s for Texans Perry and Pete Sessions. What a pair!

U is the USA. There’s greatness at its core.

V’s for fam’ly values preached by hypocrites galore.

W’s for Dubya and the mess he left behind.

X and Y and Z are hard. Their rhymes I can not find.

Tantrum Politics

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion?

Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you’re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. And the only thing you’re likely to learn is that it’s frustrating and possibly dangerous to be a Democratic Congressperson.

Here’s my limerick about the right-wing scheme to stifle intelligent discussion of the issues by inciting angry mobs to shout down these meetings.

Tantrum Politics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If reform can’t be fought using facts,
Simply give civil discourse the ax.
Block discussion with mobs
Packed with morons like Dobbs.
That’s the path of Republican hacks.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Waterloo Lies

Dear Senator Inhofe

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Boohoohoo! Poor, innocent Republicans are being hassled by wingnut birthers — loons who would refuse to believe President Obama was born in the U.S., even if they witnessed his Hawaiian birth themselves.

And it doesn’t help that Republicans like Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) encourage this nonsense by saying birthers “have a point” and by blaming Obama — claiming “the White House has not done a very good job of dispelling the concerns of these citizens.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Dear Senator Inhofe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Inhofe, I’ve heard you do deals
That are fishy and steal people’s meals.
You have proof it’s not true?
Doesn’t matter — won’t do.
Now Inhofe, you see how it feels?

Update: The House has passed a resolution by 378 to 0 celebrating the 50th anniversary of Hawaiian statehood. The resolution included language recognizing the state as President Obama’s birthplace.

Wingnut birthers are gonna be mad!