So…, you know all those oddball rally rants about wind and bacon, sharks and electrocution, “Alphonse” Capone, and the “late, great Hannibal Lecter?” According to Trump, he’s doing the “weave,” which makes him an oratorical genius:
Trump’s meandering salad linguistic Is (to Donald) a “weave” — his euphuistic, Novel term for confusing And logic-abusing Addresses. (Turns out they’re artistic!)
Trump’s digressions, he says, all make sense; They are woven with brilliance intense. He defies expectations With dazzling orations. Seems the Donald’s a “genius” immense.
So the next time you hear Donald speak, Do not call him off-script or oblique. With his language command, He’s the best in the land; A true maestro of flapping his beak.
When Ms. MacCallum observed, accurately, that Ms. Harris was “having some success” with women, Hispanic and Black voters, Mr. Trump objected. “She’s not having success; I’m having success,” he said. “I’m doing great with the Hispanic voters, doing great with Black men, I’m doing great with women.”
“It’s only in your eyes that they have that, Martha,” he added. “We are doing very well.”
Hence, this limerick:
Trump obsessively follows each poll, And bad numbers are taking their toll. When he’s bested, he’s pissed. I’m ahead, he’ll insist. Don-OLD’s poll-envy’s out of control.
As his poll numbers fade, Trump’s dismayed, So the felon who wrecked Roe v. Wade, Now is feigning support For the right to abort. Too late Don-OLD! By CHOICERS you’re NAYED!
I’m exceedingly happy to say That the Dems are right now in array. Will this last long enough In a contest so tough? All my money’s on YEA … and so YAY!
During Thursday’s “just pretend” press conference, Trump used being called “weird” as a justification for personal attacks on Kamala Harris. Hence my “If Trump Could Write Limericks.”
Meanie Kamala says that I’m “weird.” JD too, so we both have been smeared. And that means I am free To insult her with glee. So here goes: Dougie Emhoff’s her BEARD!
Donald’s allies keep warning the guy That his insults and whining won’t fly: She “turned Black?” Staged a “coup?” “AI Crowds?” “Low IQ?” All false claims that most voters won’t buy!
Though he’s eager to once again reign, Donald treats their advice with disdain. To his old ways, he cleaves. (He knows best, he believes.) That’s great news: He’ll keep acting insane!
Trump’s new rival is chock-full of zest, So old Donald’s morose and depressed. With his poll numbers slidin’, He misses Joe Biden. (Time to fake a failed “bar exam” test?)
I can’t resist mocking Trump’s attempts to weenie out of debating Harris. Why? Because his pretext for backing out of the ABC debate (and switching to a Fox debate) doesn’t pass the straight-faced test:
To his base, Trump’s a tough, macho male, Who would never back down and/or bail. Yet he’s scared to debate Our great VEEP on the date And agreed-upon place. He turned tail!
JD Vance once called Trump “reprehensible” And compared him to Hitler. (Sounds sensible!) But now Vance is debasing Himself by embracing The Donald, a move indefensible.
JD lives in a house made of glass, Yet he missed the “no stone-throwing” class. So he hurls his baloney At Harris. (She’s “PHONY?!?”) Poor Vance; his sad ass is now grass.
Don-OLD falsely asserts that our VEEP “Doesn’t like Jewish people.” That creep Knows full well Doug (her spouse) Is a Jew. Trump’s a louse And a felon. The man’s full of… BLEEP!
A creative critique of Trump/Vance Is they’re “weird” which, while true at a glance, Is the least of their sins. We must ward off their wins! If we don’t, freedom won’t stand a chance.
The journey that took us from Joe To Kamala WAS a bit slow. But now that we’re there, We’ll win this, I swear! To the Trump and Vance pair, just say NO!
Please don’t fall for the GOP lies About “unity.” Buyer be wise! It does have a nice ring, But their “unity” thing Just applies to straight, white, Christian guys!
Washington Post Headline: “Republicans flock to court to ‘kiss the ring’ during Trump criminal trial”
GOPers are flocking to court To kiss Donald’s rump and help thwart New York’s efforts to try Donald Trump. (He’s their guy!) And to truth, law, and justice distort.
It’s a challenge for Trump to comply With societal rules. He’s a guy Who has always felt free To ignore them with glee; To break laws and to flagrantly lie.
Trump’s accustomed to getting his way. But in Criminal Court, he lacks sway. It’s the Judge who has power, So Don’s looking dour, Forced to hold all his anger at bay.
Be quiet in court and sit down! Trump’s compelled to comply (with a frown.) For he fin’lly must face His first criminal case: It’s Judge Merchan who now wears the crown!
There’s no law fraudster Trump’s loath to flout! And yet people who claim they’re devout, Keep supporting the grifter, That sleazy shape-shifter. Surely Trump ain’t what “God” is about!
Dear Trump, you sound terribly mad. I’m confused: You just won. Why so sad? You di’n’t win by enough? Oh, poor baby! That’s rough! But there’s always your dear old pal, Vlad.
And no, I am NOT making this up: According to Trump, Haley was in charge of security during the January 6 Capitol attack, and Haley turned down Trump’s (non-existent) offer of 10,000 National Guard soldiers. (Apparently, the former South Carolina governor and U.N. ambassador became Speaker of the House when nobody was looking.)
Here’s my Open Limerick To Cognitively-Challenged Trump:
Pelosi’s a female, it’s true. So is Haley, and both oppose YOU. Nonetheless, it’s unwise To (while spinning your lies) Confuse those two gals, as you spew.
Trump’s Scorned Advice (2-Verse Limerick)
Wednesday, August 14th, 2024Donald’s allies keep warning the guy
That his insults and whining won’t fly:
She “turned Black?” Staged a “coup?”
“AI Crowds?” “Low IQ?”
All false claims that most voters won’t buy!
Though he’s eager to once again reign,
Donald treats their advice with disdain.
To his old ways, he cleaves.
(He knows best, he believes.)
That’s great news: He’ll keep acting insane!
Tags: Campaign Humor, Campaign Satire, Donald Trump, Election Humor, Election Satire, Kamala Harris, Republicans Humor, Trump
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