Yikes! Trump’s proposed budget pays for his pet wall by raiding the TSA, FEMA, and Coast Guard budgets.
Remember Trump’s thunderous call
For a Mexico-financed “great wall?”
Coast Guard funds, FEMA cash,
And the TSA stash–
Trump will slash them to build it. What gall!
Are you feeling more secure yet?
This TSA incident surely takes the cake:
A woman says an airport security officer in Las Vegas confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be explosive.
It seems the TSA agent told her the cupcake’s “frosting was ‘gel-like’ enough to constitute a security risk.”
TSA Rules Still Don’t Gel (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The TSA rules must be eased
Cuz a cupcake in Vegas was seized.
And when icing on cakes
Is deemed fishy, it makes
All the TSA guys look diseased.
My open limerick to the traveling public was inspired by this article about gynecological pat-downs and this letter from physicist Rep. Rush Holt, which questions the safety of full body scan technology:
An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Airline riders, it’s time to speak out.
The TSA rules we must flout.
Radiation or mauling —
They both are appalling.
To submit gives the terrorists clout.
(You can find my Pat-Down Put-Down limerick here.)
Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. But I have a great excuse: Mark and I went on the first annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise. You can read all about our fun comedy cruise adventures here.
But now it’s time to get back to the work of political mockery. Fortunately, I’ve returned from my travels just in time to make fun of the TSA’s delightful new privacy-invading screening procedures. And I’m still trying to figure out which I prefer as my ticket to plane boarding: a “nude body scan or genital groping.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Pat-Down Put-Down
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re a teen and can’t get to first base?
You’re a fondler, but fearful of Mace?
Well a pat-down career
Can be yours. (Front and rear.)
Be a TSA Feel-Her-Up Ace.
Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.
In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”
The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.
Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.
The AP is reporting about the latest Bush administration cover-up:
Anxious to avoid upsetting air travelers, NASA is withholding results from an unprecedented national survey of pilots that found safety problems like near collisions and runway interference occur far more frequently than the government previously recognized.
NASA gathered the information under an $8.5 million safety project, through telephone interviews with roughly 24,000 commercial and general aviation pilots over nearly four years. Since ending the interviews at the beginning of 2005 and shutting down the project completely more than one year ago, the space agency has refused to divulge the results publicly.
Just last week, NASA ordered the contractor that conducted the survey to purge all related data from its computers. …
This doesn’t surprise me. After all, the only threats to our safety that the Bush administration wants us to know about are fictitious threats that suit Bush/Cheney’s warmongering purposes.[tags]NASA, Air Travel Safety, Bush Administration Cover-Up[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Fox Pundits At Sea
Monday, April 13th, 2009Fox News “pundit” rants always look foolish, especially when they’re packed with gleeful predictions of Democratic failures. And most especially when their predictions turn out to be dramatically wrong.
Such, thankfully, was the case with the loony rantings indulged in by Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck and sundry Fox News personalities who “bet against the Obama administration’s ability to rescue Richard Phillips, the American ship captain who was taken hostage by Somali pirates.”
How those Fox nuts salivated in anticipation of Obama’s failure! And how disappointed they must surely be in the wake of Phillips’ rescue after the Obama-authorized killing of three pirates.
I, for one, don’t expect any gracious apologies any time soon. Do you?
Fox Pundits At Sea (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Obama’s been tested and won.
Three pirates were killed with a gun.
Now will loons who foretold
That he’d fail to be bold
Say they’re sorry, congrats, job well done?
Tags: Cable, Fox, Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Media, Obama, Predictions, Pundits, Richard Phillips, Somali Pirates
Posted in Barack Obama, Blame Game, Fox News Humor, Glenn Beck Satire, Media Satire, Newt Gingrich Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Television (TV) Satire, Transportation Safety, Wingnuts | Comments Off on Fox Pundits At Sea