Though I already wrote an Antonin Scalia limerick today, I’m itching for more. So I composed these song parody lyrics to the tune of “Maria.”
Now Scalia/Maria does sound obvious. So I’m surely not the first to use “Maria” to parody Scalia. But I don’t want to do a Google search, lest I be inadvertently influenced by someone else’s lyrics.
And with that disclaimer out of the way, here’s my parody:
Scalia,
The jiggery-pok’ry Scalia,
Treats justice like a game,
The worst judge I can name, you see.Scalia,
The wingnutty jurist, Scalia,
Demands the final word
With phrases so absurd, to me.Scalia,
When he loses a case, he’s sulking,
And his presence is always so hulking.Scalia,
The nastiest Justice, Scalia.Scalia, Scalia, Scalia, etc.
Scalia,
Pitches disses, instead of reason,
Disagreements with him — treats like treason.Scalia,
That sore-losing, pompous Scalia.The most odious person on that Court:
Scalia!
Rock Romney’s Boat
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt lies, lies, lies for votes.
Truth defeats his scheme.
Verily, verily, verily, verily,
Romney we must cream!
Ronald Reagan-worship is even crazier than usual this week. Why? Because it’s the one-hundredth anniversary of Reagan’s birthday. Of course, “Reagan was not the man conservatives claim he was.” Not even close.
Anyway, I was in the middle of reading about all the centennial hoopla, when I suddenly remembered St. Reagan’s Song — a song parody I wrote back in 2003 when CBS caved in to right-wing bullying over a Reagan miniseries. This seems like a good time to re-post my parody lyrics, which you can sing to Just You Wait” from My Fair Lady, by Lerner & Lowe:
St. Reagan’s Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
You’ll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain’t.
A fine bloke who’s kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Reagan’s great, scream the wingnuts. Stop that flick!
Don’t you dare disparage Reagan. They’ll be ticked!
They’ll go off and say we’re haters,
Threaten boycotts, claim we’re traitors.
He’s a saint, Ronald Reagan, he’s a saint!
Praise Ronald Reagan!
How the right-wing loves to rewrite history.
Praise Ronald Reagan!
For it’s truth be damned. Old Ron ruled perfectly.
Don’t dare tell he sometimes frowned.
They’ll get stressed and go to town.
How they crow, Ronald Reagan.
Hate his foes, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
They claim that he’s blameless.
What a whopper. What crock.
Go to such lengths to hype him.
Might well call him Saint Ron.
They swear that Ron Reagan’s great.
They’ll brook not a doubt.
And want all our nation his praises to shout.
They freak if a liberal dares say,
He’s not saintly or princely. No way!
They want networks to celebrate the glory of Ron.
If they don’t say he’s fabulous, then ads will be gone.
Thanks CBS for your cowardly cave.
Cause all I want is networks to be brave.
Find me a network that’s bold.
Now they run scared and they fold.
Wingnuts tell you Ronald Reagan’s ten feet tall.
And that Reagan is the greatest Prez of all.
We must lift his image higher.
Reagan’s
Most
Admired!
Don’t say nope, Ronald Reagan.
Ask the Pope, Ronald Reagan.
Ron’s
A
Saint!
When Judge Sonia Sotomayor was first nominated for the U.S. Supreme Court, I started writing this Mike Huckabee-related song parody:
Maria,
I’d swear that her name was Maria.
Unfortunately, I got distracted and never finished it. However, I did find another use for this Leonard Bernstein West Side Story tune. My latest song parody concerns the ubiquitous Liz Cheney:
Liz Cheney’s Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Liz Cheney.
You just can’t avoid Lizzie Cheney.
The former Veep’s to blame.
Their surnames are the same, you see.
Liz Cheney.
I sure would not miss Lizzie Cheney,
If suddenly I found
Liz Cheney unrenowned. Yippee!
Liz Cheney.
Say it loud and her lies are playing.
Make her stop, I confess I am praying.
Liz Cheney.
She’ll never stop fibbing.
Liz Cheney.
The most terrible lies I’ve ever heard.
Liz Cheney.
Republicans are truly gifted at changing the subject, and the media falls for it every time. Take CIA torture, for instance. Is the media focusing on who in the Bush administration broke the law and ordered torture? Of course not! Instead, the topic’s morphed into whether Nancy Pelosi is lying when she says the CIA misled Congress about torture.
Following Republican logic is never an easy task. But from what I can gather, here’s the Republican position: Bush’s CIA did nothing wrong, & Pelosi could have and should have stopped them.
In honor of the Republicans tortured position on torture, I’ve written them a theme song to the tune of Stephen Foster’s Camptown Races:
The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The CIA did nothing wrong.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew and went along.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Torture is always right.
Torture can make our day.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
She could have got in the way.
Interrogation must be tough.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew we got too rough.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Never did break no laws.
Torture? Who, us? No way!
Pelosi’s nothing but a lying hag.
Nancy would lead you astray.
The CIA protects us all.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
It’s time Pelosi took the fall.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Torture was never done.
Torture is lots of fun.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
Nancy Pelosi should pay.
Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh have been having quite the love fest lately. Of course, they’ve always been in bed together:
Dick and Rush,
And Rush and Dick—
The only real Republicans.
They really click.
The soulless man for Dick is Rush,
And Rush for Dick.
Love lying together.
(My apologies to the The Turtles.)
Who’s in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it’s surely the guy with “talent on loan from God” … even though God foreclosed over a decade ago.
And that brings me to my latest song parody … with apologies to Walt Disney, the founder of my alma mater:
Ode To GOP Grovelers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Who’s the leader of the clubby, selfish GOP?
Steele or Rush?
(Newt won’t hush.)
They’re all the same to me.
Mickey mouse,
Mickey mouse.
How ever do they hold their heads up high?
High, high, high.
Each presumptive leader shares a callous policy.
Commonweal’s
Naught to Steele’s
And Limbaugh’s GOP.
UPDATE: The DCCC has a good sense of humor. You’re sure to have fun with its Republican Apology Machine.
Back in 2002 I wrote Weblog Wonderland, a Winter Wonderland song parody about political blogging and the Bush-inspired battle between lefty and right-wing bloggers.
I’d completely forgotten about it until this afternoon, when I received an email blast from the past: A fellow I knew a zillion years ago in my early oboe-playing days had stumbled onto my site while searching for a song parody of Winter Wonderland.
After re-reading it (and singing it) I realized that re-posting Weblog Wonderland would be a fun way to celebrate the waning days of the Bush administration. So here it is:
Weblog Wonderland (Inspired by Winter Wonderland by Smith & Bernard)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bloggers zing, are you list’nin’?
Some are vain, some are bristlin’.
The left and the right
Are happy tonight.
Surfin’ in a weblog wonderland.
“Bombs away,” say the blog hawks.
“War’s insane,” other blogs balk.
Some sing Bush love songs.
Some shout that he’s wrong.
Surfin’ in a weblog wonderland.
Some right bloggers like to build up straw men.
Then they brag that they have knocked ’em down.
Daring lefts to parry,
They’ll say, “No, man.”
“Your reasoning is flawed and you’re a clown.”
Later on, they’ll conspire,
Plannin’ posts packed with ire.
They face unafraid
The rantin’, the raves.
Surfin’ in a weblog wonderland.
In the middle few can be a showman,
While displayin’ balance, wit, and clout.
Strong opinions rule the day in blogland.
Until some other bloggers knock ’em down.
Heated prose, ain’t it thrillin’
When it flows, when it’s chillin’?
Some post every day.
They must have their say.
Surfin’ in a weblog wonderland.
Some post every day.
They relish the fray.
Surfin’ in a weblog wonderland.
My good friend Don Davis has outdone himself with an Adam Sandler parody. So forget Sandler’s Hanukkah Song and watch the Atheism Song video here. Don’s young singing, guitar-playing collaborator, Louie Aronowitz, does an excellent Sandler parody and the Don’s spoof lyrics are great!
These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn’t resist this great headline: Bush backs ‘Austrian troops’ at ‘OPEC’.
You say APEC, and Bush says OPEC.
You say Australian, and Bush says Austrian.
APEC,
OPEC,
Australian,
Austrian:
Let’s call the Bush term off.
(My apologies to the Gershwin brothers.) [tags]Bush Gaffes, Bushisms, APEC, OPEC, Australian, Austrian, Gershwin[/tags]
Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?
Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.
Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.
Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette. Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:
The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.
With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”
Oh…
Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy.
(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)[tags]Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees[/tags]
Thanks so much to Dick Polman, whose politics of selective piety post inspired this song parody. You can sing it to Billy Joel’s Honesty.
GOP Piety Song Parody (Sing to Billy Joel’s Honesty)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you search for hypocrites,
They aren’t hard to find.
The Republicans just give and give.
They brag about their piousness,
But to justice they are blind.
Consistency just ain’t the way they live.
Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.
They can always find reasons
To use a “faith” disguise,
As they wear religion on their sleeve.
But I don’t want some petty man
To tell us pious lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers pray on cue.
Piety — their zealotry’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.
We must find a leader
Who this war will end,
Who will boost security,
The Bill of Rights defend.
Pieties don’t comfort me,
Nor GOP refrains.
Say no.
Say no.
They won’t keep our country free.
They’re too unconcerned.
They don’t care that human rights are gone.
I despise fake piety,
So to the Dems I must turn,
Cause they’re the ones that we depend on.
Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.
I’m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers. Why? Because on this morning’s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that’s way beyond obnoxious:
NBC: Do you know the American people are suffering?
Laura Bush: Oh, I know that very much. And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this. And certainly the Commander in Chief, who has asked our military to go into harm’s way.
NBC: What do you think the American public needs to know about…
Laura Bush: Well, I hope they do know the burden of worry that’s on his shoulders, every single day for our troops.
(You can see Laura Bush in action here.)
This calls for a song parody, don’t you think? And so I bring you my Serenade for the First Sufferers, which you can sing to Carolina In The Morning, by Gus Kahn & Walter Donaldson:
Serenade for the First Sufferers (Song Parody — sing to Carolina In The Morning)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war.
They’re really mourning.
Photos of the dead
On cable news fill them with dread.
They’re really mourning.
They’d prefer ignoring
Tales of death and gore.
Where are the happy stories
They long to hear once more?
Waking up so early
To the news of hurly burly
In the morning
Makes the Bushes surly.
How they hate to think so early
In the morning!
Pity George and Laura.
No one knows all their pain.
Death’s lousy,
But it’s George under strain.
No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war.
They’re really mourning! [tags]Laura Bush Humor, Laura Bush, NBC, Anne Curry, Today Show, Iraq War, War Satire, George Bush, Political Song Parody, Death Suffering, Troops, Military, Mourning, Commander In Chief, Pain[/tags]
Chalk it up to pre-election delirium, but I just wrote a Bush-Cheney song parody to Winter Wonderland, without realizing that I used the same tune back in 2004 for a pre-election song parody. Fortunately, a bad memory does have some benefits, so the lyrics are quite different. Here’s my new one:
Bush and Cheney’s Blunderland (Sing to Winter Wonderland)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rummy’s great, and he’s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
“Fantastic” at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
War is hard, but we’re winning.
GOP, lies and spinning.
Our war in Iraq
Is really on track.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
Bush and Rove are great at building straw men.
Then they proudly knock their straw men down.
Dub implies we’re traitors.
We’ll say, “No Man!”
It’s time to stop pretending you’ve been crowned.
Ev’ry day, they conspire.
Reckless knaves, thieves, and liars.
The Bush/Cheney reign,
Democracy’s bane.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
=========
And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* The Worst Political Websites.
* I like Avedon when she’s in a snit.
* Don Davis’s Kerry: How Do You Ask Me To ‘Die’ For My Last Mistake?
* OneGoodMove has the New York Times’ latest editorial, and it’s a great one.
* Gary Trudeau Profile. (Via Alternative Hippopotamus)
* No Bush profiteering op left behind.
* Carnival Time: Carnival of Satire and Carnival of the Vanities.
* I sure hope journalists everywhere read this column and heed its counsel.
* Eric Schwartz sings his Clinton Got A Blowjob.
Nixing the Chicks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
NBC nixes
Ad for Dixie Chicks movie.
Flips bird at fairness.
(The song parody I wrote back in 2003 about the Dixie Chicks being treated like traitors is here.) [tags]Country Music, Dixie Chicks, Documentary, Patriotism Humor, NBC Ads, Censorship[/tags]
The “He Misled” Theme Song (Sing to the Mr. Ed Theme Song.)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush never said “stay the course,” of course.
And no one can challenge this ass of horse.
He lies, perforce, to change the course of election day ahead.
Go right to the source. He’ll lie of course.
Won’t give you an answer that you’ll endorse.
He’s never on a truthful course.
Lies you will be fed.
Pundits yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day.
And talking heads will rarely challenge the lies that the Bushies say.
George Dubya has no remorse, of course,
And Georgie will lie till his voice is hoarse.
He’d love to rule all the world by force.
But listen to this:
Happy days ahead!
(My previous “stay the course” humor is here and my song parodies are collected here.)[tags]Stay The Course, Election Day, Bush Misled, Bush Lies, Talking Heads, Pundits[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Palin’s Runny, Run-On Sentences Finally Explained
Sunday, February 7th, 2010When I first saw these hilarious photos and video of Sarah Palin’s palm-written Tea Party crib notes, all I could think was:
Notes on your hand,
Notes on your hand,
Lookin’ like a fool
With your notes on your hand.
Sorry, I watch way too much American Idol.
But relying on a cheat-sheet on your left hand during a friendly Q & A session is rich, coming from a woman who disparages President Obama’s (fictitious) inability to speak without a teleprompter.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
Palin’s Runny, Run-On Sentences Finally Explained
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sarah Palin comes armed when she speaks
With crib notes on “hand” for sneak peeks.
Guess she’d better not wash
Before speeches. Oh gosh,
I sure hope that those scrawls ain’t antiques.
Tags: American Idol, Cheat Sheets, Crib Notes, Obama, Pants On The Ground Parody, Q & A, Run-On Sentences, Sarah Palin, Speeches, Tea Party Convention, Teleprompter
Posted in Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Speeches, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Publicity Hounds, Sarah Palin, Song Parodies, Tea Parties | 13 Comments »