Archive for the ‘Senate Satire’ Category

Ode To An Obstructionist

Friday, March 5th, 2010

As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year … and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office.

The immediate crisis caused by “Bunning’s Blockade” is now over, and unemployment benefits and other payments blocked by Bunning’s obstruction are back in the pipeline.

Not that Bunning’s finished making trouble. He also placed a blanket hold on all pending presidential nominees.

Why? Because he felt like it.

I do believe Bunning’s earned himself a limerick:

Ode To An Obstructionist (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican Senator Bunning
Seems senile and evilly cunning.
On his way out the door
He’s done damage galore.
But at least he’s not once again running.

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

It’s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican “trash and cash” Recovery Act hypocrisy. But Steve Benen has a stimulus hypocrisy update, and I have a limerick:

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The stim bill was bad. Voted no,
Cuz it won’t the economy grow.”
That’s the GOP rant
As they privately chant,
“Now give me more stimulus dough.”

Senator Bayh, Buh Bye!

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Senator Evan Bayh (Pretend-Dem-Indiana) has announced that he won’t seek reelection this year. The conserva-Dem’s stated reason? Partisan gridlock is blocking progress.

While this is being viewed as a huge loss for Democrats and a great pick-up op for Republicans, I sure won’t miss Blue Dog Bayh. His so-called moderation and his unrelenting push for compromise with uncompromising Republicans has been a large impediment to passing progressive legislation.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Senator Bayh, Buh Bye!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sen. Bayh will not run again. Why?
Cuz there’s “not enough progress.” How wry!
He says partisanship
Is the cause. Here’s a tip:
Our problem is DINOS like Bayh.

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats

Monday, January 25th, 2010

In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies.

Any minute now (I tell myself) Dems under Obama’s leadership will call a halt to the futile act of making nice with Republicans (and Blue Dogs) and will start pursuing a truly progressive agenda.

But, alas, Democrats seem to have learned exactly the wrong lesson from losing Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat to a Republican.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama and co are you nuts?
Or did someone abscond with your guts?
If you act like you’re weak
All your power will leak,
Hurling Dems out of town on their butts.

     

********

Some related posts from Think Progress, Common Dreams, Susie Madrak, and Steve Benen.

Joe “Vote 60” No Mo’

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

I’ve been searching for a positive note in the Massachusetts election debacle and its effect on health care reform and Obama’s agenda. And I’ve finally found the one up side to Democrat Martha Coakley’s upset loss to Republican Scott Brown:

Joe “Vote 60” No Mo’ (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joe Lieberman’s blue — in a pout.
Massachusetts has cost him some clout:
Mr. “Me-Me-My-Mine”
Now just “Vote 59.”
Dems are screwed with his vote or without.

Dressing Down The President

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, “Kill the Senate Bill,” and I’m inclined to agree:

This is essentially the collapse of health care reform in the United States Senate. And, honestly, the best thing to do right now is kill the Senate bill and go back to the House and start the reconciliation process, where you only need 51 votes and it would be a much simpler bill.

I blame President Obama for this health reform fiasco. For it’s Obama who empowered Joe Lieberman to blackmail the Senate and hold health reform hostage.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Dressing Down The President
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, your job is to lead.
You have failed. So has Senator Reid.
Seems you’d sign any swill
Labeled “health reform bill,”
And then brag that we’ve got what we need.

Yes, you’ve tragic’ly blown your great chance.
So spare us the song and the dance.
Though many will swear
You’ve done much for our care,
I am sorry — the prez has no pants.

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”

Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.

I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.

Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)

Balking At The Baucus Bill

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Balking At The Baucus Bill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Baucus, your health plan’s so bad,
Can’t decide if you’re dim or a cad.
Cuz the garbage disposal
Befits your proposal.
You’re driving us real Dems quite mad.

Related Posts: Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg; Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

New Hampshire’s Senator Judd Gregg, a big “majority rules” fan back when Republicans held the majority, has suddenly become a minority rights advocate. I just can’t imagine why.

Way back when, Gregg was enthused about using filibuster-proof reconciliation rules to pass ANWR drilling legislation:

… “The point, of course, is this: If you have 51 votes for your position, you win,” Gregg told his Senate colleagues on the floor.

He added, “Reconciliation is a rule of the Senate (that) has been used before for purposes exactly like this on numerous occasions… Is there something wrong with majority rules? I don’t think so.”

Responding to the argument that it’s wrong to use reconciliation on a domestic oil drilling measure, Gregg concluded, “We are using the rules of the Senate as they are set up to be used, and that happens to be the rule of the Senate.”

Of course now that there’s a Democratic majority, Gregg has a rather different opinion and is leading the Republican fight against passing health care reform under reconciliation rules:

Sen. Judd Gregg has hundreds of procedural objections ready for a healthcare plan Democrats leaders want to speed through the Senate.

Gregg (N.H.), the senior Republican on the Budget Committee, told the Hill in a recent interview that Republicans will wage a vicious fight if Democrats try to circumvent Senate rules and use a budget maneuver to pass a trillion dollar healthcare plan with a simple majority. […]

Gregg said that Republicans could file “hundreds” of points of order objections to the bill, each one requiring 60 votes to waive.

“We are very much engaged in taking a hard look at our rights under reconciliation,” Gregg said. “It would be very contentious.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Majority rule is just great,”
Said Gregg in the drilling debate.
“You’ve got 51 votes,
Then you win.” Check his quotes.
Yet 51 Dem votes don’t rate.

Related Posts: Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Waterloo Lies

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Back in July, South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint bragged about Republican plans to “break” Obama. How? By killing health care reform, turning health care into Obama’s “Waterloo.”

So it’s no surprise that the President’s foes are wielding the Big Lie in their non-stop efforts to block reform. Or that their lies target the elderly, scaring them into thinking Democrats intend to mandate elder-euthanasia.

This brings me to my latest limerick, Waterloo Lies:

Waterloo Lies
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP’s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies:
“The bill will kill gran —
Shorten seniors’ life span.”
Their goal? Cut Barack down to size.

Update: Check out the interesting and informative Health Wonk Review.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Tantrum Politics

Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies (Updated)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

It wasn’t bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited “tropical breezes” in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo’s health care — colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee!

If I were British, I’d probably write this song parody:

Gitmo Prison, here I come.
Need a doc to check my bum.

But instead, I’ll have to settle for a limerick:

Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m moving to Gitmo real soon
Cuz I’m told inmate health care’s a boon.
Colonoscopies free
After fifty-five. Whee!
So please lock me up, Sen. Buffoon!

They Only Have Themselves To Blame

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

On Thursday, Obama sent the filibuster-happy Republicans a message: Their zero-vote obstructionism has consequences. More specifically, Obama plans to use the budget reconciliation process to enact health care reform and student loan legislation if the GOP fails to mend its obstructionist ways.

I thought I’d celebrate Obama’s filibuster-proofing plans with a double limerick:

They Only Have Themselves To Blame
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bipartisanship had a chance.
But the GOP zero-vote stance
Was very instructive.
Their actions obstructive
Derailed any two-party dance.

They’ve clearly expressed their intent,
So as much as they scream and they vent,
We should screw the minority.
Let the majority
Govern how money is spent.

Ode To Roland Burris

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

The (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn’t he? So I thought I’d join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick:

Ode To Roland Burris
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Roland, you ought to resign,
And impeachment’s your due, so don’t whine.
But the news ain’t all bad:
Though you lied, you can add
Your short Senator stint to your shrine.

The Bully Pulpit Isn’t Enough, When You’re Dealing With Bullies

Monday, February 9th, 2009

I never thought Barack Obama’s post-partisan unity shtick would work. So I’m not surprised that no matter how much Obama reaches out to Republicans, they abuse the privilege.

So, is Obama finally wising up? The good news is he’s beginning to make more aggressive use of the presidential bully pulpit to promote the fiscal stimulus bill.

On the other hand, Obama seems to be in triangulation mode, apparently buying into GOP “centrists'” proposed tax and spending cuts.

Somebody please clue the President into this fundamental precept:

     Give Republicans an inch and they’ll take you — hard.

Mad Thought Of The Day

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Are Republicans insane? Their bombastic rants and stimulus bill obstructionism could easily lead to that conclusion.

But I think there’s a more basic explanation. Republicans are simply being consistent with their long-held GOP credo:

     If at first you don’t succeed, make sure your successors don’t either.

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves! (Updated)

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill passed in the House.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves?

Find out if they’re bluffing. Make them work for all those concessions. Let the American public see GOP venality and obstructionism in action!

And that brings me to my latest verse:

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, stop all your bluster—
Your obstructionist taunt: “Filibuster!”
Just go through with your threat.
Dems, please make these guys sweat,
And we’ll see what support they can muster.

I am betting they don’t have the numbers,
That they’re bluffing. (Dems let them — the bumblers.)
But majority rules
When they don’t act like fools.
Dems, we need a good bill. Don’t be fumblers!

(Updated first paragraph for clarity.)

Only Peons Have To Pay Taxes (Updated)

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

First Tim Geithner, and now Tom Daschle. Anyone else getting tired of rich, powerful people failing to pay taxes, saying “Oops! Sorry! My bad!” and getting away with it?

Geithner’s already gotten his big promotion to Treasury Secretary in Obama’s Cabinet. And I’m betting that after pretending to give Tom Daschle a hard time, the Senate will soon give its former Majority Leader his Health and Human Services Secy gig too.

Just one question: May I join the Tax Defaulters Club, if I promise to pay up in the event I’m ever tapped for high office?

I didn’t think so.

Only Peons Have To Pay Taxes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m so sick of political sleaze
Who think they can do as they please.
Pay their taxes? Not them!
Be they right-wing or Dem,
With big friends their promotion’s a breeze.

Update: Daschle has withdrawn. Good! How about Howard Dean?

Why Caroline Kennedy?

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

I don’t have anything against Caroline Kennedy. By all accounts she’s bright, hard-working, a good education-related fundraiser, and knowledgeable about Constitutional law. And if she ran to represent New York in the U.S. Senate, I (a New York City resident) might very well vote for her.

Nonetheless, I share Ron Kuby’s antipathy towards legacy appointments. And like Kuby, I wonder why so few liberals and progressives are speaking out against New York Governor David Paterson’s potential Caroline Kennedy appointment.

I believe that a U.S. Senate appointment should go to someone who has more demonstrably earned it and whose positions on a wide array of topics important to New Yorkers are better known. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

There once was a Kennedy daughter
Whose dad was a victim of slaughter.
She sought an appointment —
A Senate anointment,
And few but Ron Kuby, Esq. fought her.

“Traitor Joe” Wasn’t Disloyal Enough? (Haiku)

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

The Dems cave and give Joe Lieberman a meaningless punishment. What a surprise!

Democrats hand Joe
A tiny slap on the wrist.
Thumbs down to the Dems.

Ode To “Traitor” Joe Lieberman (Updated)

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Now that the Democratic Senate majority has grown so much, Harry Reid plans to strip Joe Lieberman of his Homeland Security Committee chairmanship, even if Joe continues to caucus with the Democrats.  Sounds great to me! (Update: Lieberman’s chairmanship status will be determined by a secret Democratic Senate caucus vote on November 18th.)

Of course, Lieberman thinks Reid’s being mean and unfair.  Cuz apparently Dems are supposed to just look the other way after Lieberman disses Obama and campaigns enthusiastically for McCain, Palin and down-ticket Republicans.

Joe’s even intimating that he may caucus with the Republicans.  Well I, for one,  say good riddance, and I hope Harry Reid (and his fellow Dems) stick to their guns.   Lieberman can’t be trusted to back Dems when it comes to filibusters, so who needs him?

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Ode To “Traitor” Joe Lieberman
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Traitor” Joe is distressed — I don’t care.
He deserves to be stripped of his chair.
Cuz when push comes to shove
He shows Lieberman-love.
Mitch can take him … and buyer beware!