Archive for the ‘Senate Satire’ Category

Limerick Ode To Tom Harkin

Monday, January 28th, 2013

Here’s a headline I sure didn’t want to read: Veteran Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin to retire after the 2014 elections.

Harkin, a staunch liberal who advocated for serious filibuster reform, announced his retirement very shortly after Sen. Harry Reid caved and made a pathetically week filibuster “reform” deal with Sen. Mitch McConnell.

While I’m no mind reader, I’m betting the two are connected.

Limerick Ode To Tom Harkin
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tom Harkin is stepping aside.
His loss will be hard to abide.
I blame Reid, cuz he blew
His big chance for some true
Filibuster reform, which has died!

Limerick Ode To Richard Mourdoch

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

Every time I think Republicans couldn’t possibly get crazier or more extreme about banning abortion, someone like Indiana’s Richard Mourdoch proves me wrong.

By now, the would-be senator’s bizarre comments about abortion and rape, and his non-apology apology are all too familiar. So is the fact that Romney has refused to withdraw his endorsement and his pro-Mourdoch ad.

So I’ll simply leave you with this serious limerick:

Limerick Ode To Richard Mourdoch
By Madeleine Begun Kane

By Mourdoch, I’m shocked — left agape:
He claims if you’re pregnant from rape,
It’s a God-given gift.
So how dare you be miffed!
Your future’s not yours to reshape.

Limerick Ode To Ben Nelson

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

Why would anyone, other than a Republican, lament “centrist” Senator Ben Nelson’s decision not to run for reelection?

Limerick Ode To Ben Nelson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ben Nelson won’t run again. Great!
He took stands that were easy to hate:
Helped Republicans halt
Senate votes. Oy gevalt!
He’s a DINO. There’s just no debate.

Limerick Ode To Villainous Mitch McConnell

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Republicans have repeatedly blocked proposals they actually support, in order to gain political advantage over Obama. This is no surprise, in light of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s stated priorities: He bragged that making Obama a one-term president was his number one goal.

But McConnell now denies putting politics over the good of the country, claiming there’s no “villain out there who’s keeping this administration from succeeding.”

Limerick Ode To Villainous Mitch McConnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitch McConnell denies there’s a villain
That on purpose engages in killin’
The President’s plans,
After promising fans
Such destruction, a vow he’s fulfillin’.

Liberate Me From The Paul Clan

Monday, April 18th, 2011

Just what we need — another Ron Paul son in the Senate:

Liberate Me From The Paul Clan
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Yet another ambitious Paul son?
How I’d hoped there was only the one.
First Ron and then Rand
And now Rob? What a band!
Please tell me we’re finally done.

Finally, Joementum In the Right Direction

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut has announced that he won’t be running for a 5th term. And that means I won’t have Joe Lieberman to kick around much longer.

That brings me to my latest Joe Lieberman limerick and haiku:

Finally, Joementum In the Right Direction
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Joe, glad to hear that you’re leaving.
This Democrat sure won’t be grieving.
I know you’ve no shame,
So you won’t accept blame
For aiding the right in their thieving.

****************

I’ll never tire
Of the phrase “Joe Lieberman
Is retiring.”

A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

If John McCain hadn’t done quite so much damage to our nation, I could almost feel sorry for him. After all, it’s hard not to pity a man who’s turned into a pathetic shell of a human being.

McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal temper tantrum is only the latest example of the sad, ugly person that McCain’s become:

A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain seems embittered and mean,
Acting worse than a badly raised teen.
His convictions? No more!
Just conniptions galore.
He’s lost heart, and he’s left with just spleen.

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.

What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” McConnell said, adding, “Our single biggest political goal is to give [the Republican] nominee for president the maximum opportunity to be successful.”

There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.

No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Every so often I sum up a period in alpha-political verse. For instance, I did one about the opening months of the Obama administration. I also did two about the Bush administration, one a not-so-fond farewell to Bush and Cheney and the other a satirical summary of their disastrous first term.

This mid-term election period has been so bizarre, that I couldn’t resist doing another one:

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for Alaska, whose incumbent needs good spelling.

B is for Barack. The GOP sure wants his dwelling.

C is for Christine who’s anti-gay and masturbation.

D’s for Delaware debates, where laughter ain’t ovation.

E is for elections. Dems lose bad — so say the seers.

F’s for foreign cash galore supporting GOPers.

G is for Glenn Beck and all the crazy stuff he says.

H is for Sec. Hillary. Too bad that gal ain’t Prez.

I’s for Darrell Issa who is itching to impeach.

J is for John Boehner — smells majority in reach.

K is for Ken Mehlman who is fin’ly out as gay.

L’s for Libertarians who, like Rand, to regs say “Nay!”

M is for Joe Miller — seems he doesn’t like the press.

N’s for Speaker Nancy P. Her House is sure a mess.

O’s For Bill O’Reilly versus Joy and Whoopi. Wow!

P’s for Paladino. Angry bully? Yes, and how!

Q’s for all the questions the extremists won’t address.

R’s for Reid’s tough Angle bout. I’m worried, I confess.

S is for Mike Steele who claims to run the RNC.

T is for the Tenthers and their anti-fed law spree.

U is for our Union which secessionists would flee.

V is for the voters drinking Kool-Aid-flavored tea.

W’s for the many wars we’re fighting — can’t keep track.

X is for the xenophobic anti-“other” pack.

Y is for the youth. We really need them at the polls.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots. We must squash their ugly goals.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”

That brings me to my latest Limerick:

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.

(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)

Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Republican Ken Buck debated Sen. Michael Bennet (D) during Sunday’s Meet the Press Colorado Senate debate, and things didn’t go well for him. When host David Gregory asked whether being gay is a choice, Buck said yes, and added: “I think that birth has an influence…like alcoholism and some other things, but I think that basically, you have a choice.”

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Buck spewed some anti-gay bunk:
Compared gayness to being a drunk,
Then went on to say gays
Choose their gay life-style ways.
Please don’t vote for that gay-bashing punk.

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

When it comes to sexism posing as a compliment, I try to cut Harry Reid’s generation some slack. But Senator Reid really ought to know better:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had an unusual form of praise for New York’s junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, this morning at the fundraiser Mayor Bloomberg hosted for him at his townhouse – referring to her as “the hottest member” as she sat just a few feet away, according to three sources.

The comment prompted Gillibrand to turn red, according to the sources, and created a bit of stir among the small crowd there.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kirsten Gillibrand’s hot says Sen. Reid —
The Sen’s “hottest member,” indeed.
Now I know Harry’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But that “compliment’s” sexist. Take heed.

Here’s more on subtle sexism, including my Gender At Work essay. (Gender at Work, under the name My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of college textbooks by Gary Goshgarian: The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.)

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Hey Dems, if you’re feeling disappointed, disgusted, and apathetic, you’re not alone. I feel your pain, and so do lots of other Democrats.

The enthusiasm gap between Democrats and Republicans is huge and growing every day. And this could have dire results: Republicans, the very people who got us into this mess, might very well take over both the House and the Senate.

You think you’re miserable now? Just imagine how depressed you’ll feel in November, if Democrats are no-shows at the voting booths, handing both Congressional houses over to the GOP.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The voters are feeling enraged.
Disappointment’s made Dems disengaged.
But a GOP win
Would be tragic — a sin.
So a voting war has to be waged.

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails

Monday, July 12th, 2010

So far, Senator David Vitter of Louisiana has survived several scandals ranging from soliciting a prostitute from the “D.C. Madam,” to keeping a “women’s issues” aide (Brent Furer) on staff who allegedly held his girlfriend hostage at knifepoint.

But now he’s confronting a brand new challenge — a last minute, unexpected primary fight launched by retired Judge Chet Traylor.

And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The scandal-scarred Senator Vitter
Got struck with a last minute hitter:
A primary fight
From the GOP’s right.
Now he’s bitter. I read it on Twitter.

Chet Traylor has pulled off this filing,
And bus’nesses find him beguiling—
Former judge who’s a fan
Of the sodomy ban.
And that’s why Dave Vitter ain’t smiling.

Supreme Story

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Way back in 1999, President Bill Clinton nominated a brilliant lawyer for a seat on the federal appeals court based in the District of Columbia.

Alas, that lawyer never got to the D.C. bench. Indeed, the brilliant nominee never even got to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

You see, the lawyer suffered from a fatal flaw — she’d been named by a Democratic President, and her appointment would shift the balance of a very important court. So Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, blocked her nomination, refusing to schedule a hearing.

Disappointed but undaunted, the brilliant lawyer pursued other legal opportunities over the years and achieved great success.

More than a decade after this ill-fated nomination, the federal bench beckoned once again. But this time it was a nomination to the highest court of the land.

Getting a hearing wasn’t a problem this time. A hearing where Senator Hatch and his fellow Republicans would look askance at the brilliant lawyer, complaining she lacked the very judicial experience they had denied her.

Who was that brilliant lawyer? Elena Kagan.

And now you know… the rest of the story.

Related Posts: Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross, Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice, Leery About Elena, and Obama’s What???

Hatching Hypocrisy

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who’ve pumped up their military records — Republican Mark Kirk of Illinois and Democrat Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. We also have the horrified Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who’s hatched the upright-sounding Stolen Valor Act. Just one problem: According to Hatch, it would criminalize Blumenthal’s behavior but (surprise, surprise) not Kirk’s.

Hatching Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a pol says he fought for our land
And exaggerates, bolst’ring his brand,
That’s a crime, says Sen Hatch.
But of course there’s a catch:
Only Dems need obey this command.

Update: One of my few Republican Facebook friends, Rob Hood, posted a limerick response in Facebook asserting that I engage in anti-GOP gloating. Here’s my limerick rejoinder:

I’m a Dem, but I’m surely not gloating.
There’s no reason for happy emoting.
Though the GOP’s worse
Than the Dems, here’s our curse:
Most pols do not merit our voting.

Oily Obstruction

Monday, May 17th, 2010

You’d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. But apparently not. Just ask Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), who blocked the Menendez-Nelson-Lautenberg “Oil Company Bailout Prevention Act,” a bill that would increase the liability cap for oil spills from $75 million to $10 billion.

Oily Obstruction (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Liability caps for a spill
Would be raised by the Democrats’ bill.
But Sen. Lisa says “No!”
She’s protecting each co
That drills oil, despite all that they kill.

They’d be hurt by such law, she maintains.
Such indifference to other folks’ pains!
Who will cover the bills
For the victims of spills?
It seems oil cos have Lisa in chains.

Ode To John “Pants On Fire” McCain

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Dear Senator McCain: Pretending to be a maverick is bad enough. But pretending that you never pretended to be a maverick? That’s just silly!

Yes, it’s hard to believe, but McCain’s response to J.D. Hayworth’s primary challenge from the right is to say, “I never considered myself a maverick.” Of course, that would be a bit more convincing had McCain not, among other things, released a 2008 presidential campaign ad calling himself the “original maverick.”

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Ode To John “Pants On Fire” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a man named McCain,
The Republicans’ “maverick” bane.
He wore the term proudly
And touted it loudly.
But now it’s a primary pain.

So he’s claiming he never did use it,
Though we know that he’d often abuse it.
But he’s feeling the sting
Of the nutty right-wing,
So with lies he’s attempting to lose it.

Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform’s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He’s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chuck Grassley threw health care a curve
When he stalled reform efforts with verve.
His votes were all “no.”
His performance was po’.
Yet he brags he’s an author. What nerve!

     

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And speaking of taking credit, check out Don Davis and his Rethuglicans Take Credit for ‘Home Scare Reform’.

Addled Threats

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. Mitt Romney calls it an “unconscionable abuse of power” and Bill Kristol is urging repeal in a Weekly Standard editorial. Moreover, Senators John McCain, Judd Gregg and their fellow GOPers are so incensed that they’ve come up with a very creative threat:

GOP senators emerged Monday to caution that the health debate had taken a toll on the institution, warning of little work between parties the rest of this year.

“There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year,” McCain said during an interview Monday on an Arizona radio affiliate. “They have poisoned the well in what they’ve done and how they’ve done it.”

Wow! The next thing you know, Republicans will be vowing to filibuster and obstruct.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Addled Threats
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP’s angry as hell.
Says McCain, Dems have “poisoned the well.”
So the rest of the year
We won’t work with them here.
And how is that diff’rent? Do tell!

     

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I proud to say that this post is mentioned in the excellent
Health Wonk Review: Special Edition On Health Reform.