Dear John McCain:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm? Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around.
I mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was as unqualified to be Veep as I am. Maybe even less qualified, since I’m a lawyer and she isn’t.
But it turns out I was wrong. Why? Cuz she’s the Governor of Alaska, a state that’s really, really close to Russia.
And, as I’ve learned from you and your current wife, proximity equals expertise. Which means that Governor Palin’s already an expert on Russia. And anything else she needs to know in the foreign policy department she’ll absorb by osmosis, simply by hanging out near your knees.
Speaking selfishly (and who doesn’t?) here’s the coolest part of this whole osmosis thing: Without any additional schooling or training, I have the expertise to do a gazillion hard things I haven’t studied for even an hour. For instance:
1. Heart surgery. (A cardiac specialist lives two houses away, and we say “hi” at least twice a month.)
2. Gourmet cooking. (My home’s within three blocks of over two dozen great restaurants. From the smell alone, I’ve surely picked up culinary chops.)
3. Olympic swimming. (I live in Bayside. Need I say more?)
4. Podiatry. ( I know someone who knows someone who knows Dick Morris. Okay, maybe not podiatry … but certainly pedicures.)
I could go on forever, because osmosis has opened the doors to countless challenging professions. How many? I can’t count that high cuz I don’t know any mathematicians.
But I do want you to know how happy and grateful I am. In fact, I’m so excited, I’m having trouble deciding which high level profession to try out first.
Or maybe I should just wait for my future boss to come to me.
So thanks, Senator McCain. And please stay well … at least until that foreign policy osmosis thing kicks in for Ms. Palin and the pesky Axis of Evil.
Oh … and one more thing: Please keep me in mind if you ever need heart surgery.
[tags]Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Running Mate Humor, VP Verse, Veep Vetting, Qualifications Humor, Heart Surgery Humor[/tags]
How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.
However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to. Admitting a mistake in judgment? Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.
But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia. Which reminds me — I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was move to Alaska.
And now it’s time for two limericks:
It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In her muck. Yet he feigns no regret.
John’s allies are praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?[tags]Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008Sarah Palin, who likes to refer to herself as “Joe Six Pack“, is trying to dupe us into believing she’s “an everyday, working-class American.” Palin even claims that her “Joe Six Pack” status is why “the Washington elite” don’t think she should be running for Veep. (Apparently it has nothing to do with her making Dan Quayle look like a genius and George Bush look coherent.)
Just wondering: How many “everyday, working-class Americans” do you know who own “a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake…”?
Sarah deserves another limerick, don’t you think?
Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your custom-built lake house sounds nice,
And your plane, boats, and tanning device.
But kindly don’t claim
You’re a “working class” dame.
We don’t buy it, so sorry, no dice.
Tags: Campaign Satire, Dan Quayle, Election Humor, Governor Palin, Joe Six Pack, Palin Poem, Presidential Election, Washington Elite, Working Class Humor
Posted in Blame Game, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin | 3 Comments »