Headline: “DeSantis rakes in cash as Florida’s Covid wars rage”
Gov. DeSantis is raking in bread,
While his rules boost the number of dead.
His “pro-freedom” brand
Brings in cash, so he’s banned
Ev’ry mandate that slows Covid’s spread.
Archive for the ‘Public Safety’ Category
Gov. DeSantis’s Reign Is A Killer (Limerick)
Thursday, August 12th, 2021Trafficking In Hypocrisy (Limerick)
Saturday, February 22nd, 2014New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s been catching some flack lately over his traffic-safety initiative. It seems he doesn’t practice what he preaches.
Trafficking In Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bill de Blasio warns New York folk
To drive carefully. Safety’s no joke.
Yet the rules take a hike
In Bill’s auto. Did Mike
Ever guzzle a giant-sized Coke?
Note from Mad Kane: For those who don’t follow New York City politics, former Mayor Mike Bloomberg (whom de Blasio criticizes at every opportunity) is famous/infamous for banning super-sized sodas.
Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida
Sunday, July 14th, 2013Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’d rather shoot people than skeet,
And enjoy killing folks on the street,
But you don’t want to pay
Any price, come what may,
Then Florida’s (f)laws can’t be beat.
*****
Florida-style “Stand Your Ground” laws encourage the aggressive use of firearms based on vague (often bias-inspired) suspicions. And jury verdicts, like George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the Trayvon Martin murder case, only serve to further encourage and rubber stamp murderous behavior.
Kansas Gun Law Backfires (Multi-Verse Limerick)
Monday, July 8th, 2013The Kansas legislature, in its great wisdom, recently passed a law allowing gun owners to carry weapons in public buildings. And surprise, surprise, insurance companies think this is dangerous.
The EMC Insurance Cos. insures 85 percent to 90 percent of all Kansas school districts and has refused to renew coverage for schools that permit teachers and custodians to carry concealed firearms on their campuses under the new law, which took effect July 1. It’s not a political decision, but a financial one based on the riskier climate it estimates would be created, the insurer said.
Kansas Gun Law Backfires (Multi-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In municipal spots, like a school,
Concealed weapons in Kansas are cool.
But the pols that decreed this
May soon have to heed this:
They’ve entered a sky-high risk pool.
“You are too great a risk,” said the co
That insured Kansas schools. What a blow!
“We do NOT mean to screw you,
But just can’t renew you.
It’s financial — a matter of dough.”
Forrest Knox, who’s an NRA shill
And the fellow who sponsored the bill
That started this mess,
Says insurers should bless
Teachers toting their weapons at will.
“This will make us all safer,” he swears.
“What do carriers know about scares,
And dangers and risk
And hazards. Tsk-Tsk!
I know better than they!” he declares.
What’s next? It remains to be seen.
At the least, it will take far more green
To insure any school
Where an NRA tool
Hides a gun in her purse or his jean.
TSA Rules Still Don’t Gel (Limerick)
Saturday, December 24th, 2011This TSA incident surely takes the cake:
A woman says an airport security officer in Las Vegas confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be explosive.
It seems the TSA agent told her the cupcake’s “frosting was ‘gel-like’ enough to constitute a security risk.”
TSA Rules Still Don’t Gel (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The TSA rules must be eased
Cuz a cupcake in Vegas was seized.
And when icing on cakes
Is deemed fishy, it makes
All the TSA guys look diseased.
An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010My open limerick to the traveling public was inspired by this article about gynecological pat-downs and this letter from physicist Rep. Rush Holt, which questions the safety of full body scan technology:
An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Airline riders, it’s time to speak out.
The TSA rules we must flout.
Radiation or mauling —
They both are appalling.
To submit gives the terrorists clout.
(You can find my Pat-Down Put-Down limerick here.)
Pat-Down Put-Down
Tuesday, November 16th, 2010Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. But I have a great excuse: Mark and I went on the first annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise. You can read all about our fun comedy cruise adventures here.
But now it’s time to get back to the work of political mockery. Fortunately, I’ve returned from my travels just in time to make fun of the TSA’s delightful new privacy-invading screening procedures. And I’m still trying to figure out which I prefer as my ticket to plane boarding: a “nude body scan or genital groping.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Pat-Down Put-Down
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re a teen and can’t get to first base?
You’re a fondler, but fearful of Mace?
Well a pat-down career
Can be yours. (Front and rear.)
Be a TSA Feel-Her-Up Ace.
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Texting?
Monday, August 31st, 2009Brace yourself for a large dose of libertarian outrage: Texting while driving may soon be outlawed.
An organization of state highway safety officials on Monday plans to call for a ban on texting while driving, joining a growing chorus of legislators and safety advocates endorsing such a policy.
The group, the Governors Highway Safety Association, whose members are appointed by state governors to lead highway safety agencies, said it adopted the policy in light of a growing body of research showing the increased crash risk posed by texting motorists.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Texting?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you text while you drive, you’re insane.
You’re a hazard like snow, ice, and rain.
And if govs have their way,
You will soon have to say:
“BRB, AFK, must refrain.”
(If my last line needs translating, here’s a chat and text message abbreviation dictionary.)
Related Posts: Multi-Task Madness; Pedestrian Plea; Multitasking Mania; and Contending With Time
D.C. Snow Job
Thursday, February 5th, 2009Life in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars.
I’m not kidding. The D.C. Council has “unanimously approved emergency legislation that will require drivers to remove frozen snow and ice from their vehicles.”
But the good news is there’s no fine … yet … just a warning. A last minute amendment eliminated the fine “until a hearing can be held and council members can study laws in other jurisdictions.”
I love “Nanny State” laws, don’t you?
D.C. Snow Job
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I am guessing D.C. is crime free,
And that cops there are bored as can be.
How else to explain
A new law that’s insane:
Auto-snow is illegal debris.
NASA Air Travel Study Cover-up
Monday, October 22nd, 2007The AP is reporting about the latest Bush administration cover-up:
Anxious to avoid upsetting air travelers, NASA is withholding results from an unprecedented national survey of pilots that found safety problems like near collisions and runway interference occur far more frequently than the government previously recognized.
NASA gathered the information under an $8.5 million safety project, through telephone interviews with roughly 24,000 commercial and general aviation pilots over nearly four years. Since ending the interviews at the beginning of 2005 and shutting down the project completely more than one year ago, the space agency has refused to divulge the results publicly.
Just last week, NASA ordered the contractor that conducted the survey to purge all related data from its computers. …
This doesn’t surprise me. After all, the only threats to our safety that the Bush administration wants us to know about are fictitious threats that suit Bush/Cheney’s warmongering purposes.[tags]NASA, Air Travel Safety, Bush Administration Cover-Up[/tags]
John McCain — Ignoramus, Liar, Or Terrorist Sympathizer?
Wednesday, May 5th, 2010My husband Mark and I live in New York City and frequently dine and see plays in the Times Square area. In fact, had the two of us not been so exhausted from our Las Vegas vacation, that’s where we probably would have been Saturday night. Perhaps that’s why I’m especially offended by John McCain’s apparent desire to undermine the prosecution of alleged terrorists.
What am I talking about? McCain said it would be a “serious mistake” if car bombing suspect Faisal Shahzad, a naturalized American citizen, was Mirandized.
I’m sorry, but the only way Mirandizing Shahzad would be a mistake is if your goal is to taint the evidence, get it thrown out of court, and lose the damn case.
And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:
John McCain — Ignoramus, Liar, Or Terrorist Sympathizer?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shahzad was Mirandized. Oh my!
Cue McCain and his pandering lie.
To warn him was wrong—
That’s McCain’s specious song.
He malpractices law on the fly.
For Miranda’s a citizen’s right.
Fail to warn him? You’re in for a fight.
Cuz evidence gotten
That way is deemed rotten.
Acquittal is what you invite.
Tags: Car Bombing, Constitution Verse, Criminal Justice, Criminal Law, Faisal Shahzad, John McCain, Legal Verse, Miranda Rights, Terrorism, Terrorist Trials, Times Square
Posted in Constitution Humor, FBI Humor, John McCain, Law Satire, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Publicity Hounds, Terrorism | 7 Comments »