At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP:
SCHIP HAIKU
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush vetoed S-CHIP
Cuz he had a better plan:
No Child Left Alive.
(You can find more of my health humor here.)
Update:
Ayn Clouter seasons
Her blog with parody poems,
Inspiring laughter.
Why did I post a haiku about Ayn Clouter? Because she responded to my SCHIP haiku with some haiku of her own. [tags]SCHIP Humor, Children’s Health Insurance Plan[/tags]
I don’t mean to cast aspersions on short people. (I’m only five foot zero myself.) But I have a totally unsubstantiated theory, and here it is: Republican politicians are, on average, shorter than Democratic politicians. (Can you think of a better explanation for the over-compensating machismo and braggadocio that run rampant throughout the Republican party?)
Case in point: Rudy “Bald Ego” Giuliani, who out-did himself Wednesday during his European tour:
LONDON – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani bragged about his international celebrity Wednesday on a trans-Atlantic campaign trip in which he schmoozed with conservative idol Margaret Thatcher.
“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world,” Giuliani told a small group of reporters at a posh London hotel as onlookers gathered in the lobby to gawk at actor Dustin Hoffman who was on a separate visit.
And that leads me to my latest haiku:
The Rudy Complex
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Giuliani brags
About how famous he is.
Like Napoleon?
So who’s ready to fund my “Are Republicans Shorter Than Democrats” study? Nobody? How about my “Are Republicans Balder Than Democrats” study? [tags]GOP Braggart, Mayor Rudy Guiliani, Overcompensation, Republican Humor, Height, Macho Politicians[/tags]
Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.
Oh … wait. Never mind!
So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence? 
Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status. [tags]Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor[/tags]
I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume’s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker “about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.” What’s the matter — wasn’t Hannity available?
Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gen. Petraeus and Crocker on Fox
(Not exactly the school of hard knocks)
Where they weave and they spin
And avow “We must win,”
While Brit Hume bows and kisses their socks.
And now a quick haiku about the purported Iraq violence reduction:
Reducing violence
In Iraq is quite easy:
Redefine violence.
(You can find more of my Petraeus humor here and my previous Brit Hume humor here.)
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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* ‘Old Navy” Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld as CEO
* About.com’s Political Humor on Bush’s Gaffes
* Hit it: morrrrrre…than the greatest polls the worrrrrld has known…
* Digby’s Overplaying Their Hand
* Exclusive! — The Patraeus testimony In advance! (Dick Polman)
* Larry Johnson on Dave Petraeus and Iraq Kabuki
* The Very Polite Matt Bai On Giuliani
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Sunday Funnies
* Carnival of Principled Government
Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job — protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. Consequently, this George Bush line, made during the Gonzales resignation announcement, made me laugh out loud:
It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Al Gonzales is impeded from doing good work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.
Of course, the obvious question is “What good name?” But putting that aside, Bush fails to mention the provenance of all that mud. This haiku should explain it:
Dub’s dirty secrets
Created the “mud” Bush claims
Gonzales dragged through.
(You can find more of my Alberto Gonzales humor and poems here.)[tags]Alberto Gonzales, Resignation, Al Gonzales Good Name, Congressional Hearings, Gonzales Verse, Gonzales Poetry, Gonzales Haiku, Gonzales Lies, Gonzales Amnesia[/tags]
Requisite Bush colonoscopy snark:
Dick Cheney’s in charge
While George Bush is unconscious.
How’s this day different…?
(You can find more of my news haiku here.) [tags]President Bush, VP Cheney, Bush Colonoscopy, Bush Snark, Politics Haiku [/tags]
I can almost hear that promise Bush and Cheney surely made to Scooter Libby way back when:
Tell no tales,
And you won’t go to jail.
Scooter came through with flying (and lying) colors and has now gotten his unjust deserts:
Bush obstructs justice,
Rewarding Scooter’s silence:
Prison-free pay-off.
(You can find more legal and lawyer humor and satire here and more news and political haiku here.) [tags]Scooter Libby, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Commutation, Commuted Sentence, Bush Obstructs Justice, President Bush, VP Cheney, Cover Up, Valerie Plame[/tags]
Bush stem cell veto
Kills the hopes of the ailing,
Says “no” to science.
=========
So, have you entered my latest limerick writing contest yet? The one over at my other (non-political humor) blog? The deadline is June 27, the topic is money, and I’m even awarding a couple of small cash prizes. [tags]Stem Cell Research, Bush Veto, Health Research, Science, Scientific Research[/tags]
Remember the time Dick Cheney told to Senator Leahy what he could do to himself on the Senate floor? Remember the time George Bush was overheard wishing that someone could get the Hezbollah “to stop doing this [expletive deleted]?” Well, a federal appeals panel remembers and cites these incidents as a basis for shutting down the F.C.C.’s anti-fleeting expletive crusade.
It’s deliciously ironic, don’t you think? And it’s haiku inspiring too:
Fleeting expletives
Uttered by Bush and Cheney
Stymie censorship. [tags]FCC, Bush expletive, Cheney expletive, FCC Censorship[/tags]
Here’s some pretty cool news news! I’ve just sold two limericks and one haiku to the upcoming political humor anthology, Jest Patriotic (Let There Be Laughter Series): Hack This Limerick; Running From Mistakes; and Torture Bill Haiku.
So, who says crime … uh, I mean poetry … doesn’t pay?
The political humor anthology’s due out in May, but their money humor anthology Cash In On Laughter is already out. And I’m pleased to say that two of my money humor columns appear in that anthology, as well.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Fox Presents: Are You Smarter Than Alberto Gonzales?
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Attorneygate Week Two
* Peter Pace To Star In Mastercard Ads (Don Davis)
* Ooh– Secret Inside Information
* The Talking Dog interviews Civil Rights lawyer H. Candace Gorman, who represents two North Africans detained at Guantanamo. [tags]Humor Anthologies, Money Humor Anthology, Political Humor Anthology[/tags]
A Henry Waxman haiku seems overdue, so here’s my “thank you” haiku:
Investigations
Into White House wrongdoing
Wax, thanks to Waxman. [tags]House Oversight Committee, Henry Waxman, House Hearings, White House Wrongdoing, Bush Failures, Bush Investigations[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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