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Sarah Palin’s Barracuda Blog

Monday, September 8th, 2008

Great news! I managed to sneak a peek at Sarah Palin’s Barracuda Blog. (It wasn’t easy to do, because she’s almost as secretive about her blog as she is about her email.)

Here’s what she had to say in Entry 1:

Dear Diary,

Sarah Barracuda strikes again … big time!  Take that Ms. Hillary RODHAM Clinton!

I always knew I’d end up in the Oval.  And that my ovaries would take me there. I even knew it way back when I was in one of the five  (or was it six???) colleges I went to for my bachelor’s degree.

I really shouldn’t be writing in my diary right now.  I’m supposed to be studying some foreign policy crapola:  Joe the Jew (who I’m sure is jealous of me) won’t stop prattling nonsense about the difference between the Sunnis and the Shias. He says Johnny-boy keeps forgetting and it’s gonna be my job to jab him whenever he gets it wrong.

Hell, one jab from me would probably kill him. Not a bad idea, come to think of it. But I probably don’t want to rush things.

Oops!  Lieberman just sneaked up on me and started yelling about my diary — he says my calling him “Joe the Jew” is anti-semitic.  His point?

Anyway, that just proves he’s jealous.  He’s been kissing Johnny-boy’s butt forever and  he came thisclose to the Veep pay-off.  And then I stole his ball … actually, both of them.

Joe (happy now, Joe?) also just told me I have to study faster cuz some news guy’s interviewing me this week.  They were hoping to stall until after the election, but  no dice.  And the worst part is it’s not even a Fox fella.

Oh well… I’m a fast study (boy is Biden gonna be surprised!) And besides,  they tell me the news guy promised to behave.

I guess I’d better put my diary aside for now, and dig into that big pile they have the nerve to call briefing books. Hmmm … I wonder what I should listen to while I study.

Which reminds me — those annoying Heart-girls  are  bitchin about Barracuda being played at my convention.  Hey, if they didn’t want me to use it, they shouldn’t have named it after me.[tags]Sarah Palin Humor, Sarah Barracuda, Republican VP, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, McCain Humor, Lieberman Satire[/tags]

Posted in Barracuda Blog, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Political Commentary, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin, White House | 4 Comments »

Dear John McCain: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Dear John McCain:
 
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
 
Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm?  Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around.
 
I mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was as unqualified to be Veep as I am. Maybe even less qualified, since I’m a lawyer and she isn’t.
 
But it turns out I was wrong.  Why? Cuz she’s the Governor of Alaska, a state that’s really, really close to Russia. 

And, as I’ve learned from you and your current wife, proximity equals expertise.   Which means that Governor Palin’s already an expert on Russia.  And anything else she needs to know in the foreign policy department she’ll absorb by osmosis, simply by hanging out near your knees. 

Speaking selfishly (and who doesn’t?) here’s the coolest part of this whole osmosis thing: Without any additional schooling or training, I have the expertise to do a gazillion hard things I haven’t studied for even an hour.  For instance:
 
1. Heart surgery.  (A cardiac specialist lives two houses away, and we say “hi” at least twice a month.)
 
2. Gourmet cooking.  (My home’s within three blocks of over two dozen great restaurants.  From the smell alone, I’ve surely  picked up culinary chops.)
 
3. Olympic swimming.  (I live in Bayside.  Need I say more?)
 
4. Podiatry.  ( I know someone who knows someone who knows Dick Morris.  Okay, maybe not podiatry … but certainly pedicures.)
 
I could go on forever, because osmosis has opened the doors to countless challenging professions.  How many? I can’t count that high cuz I don’t know any mathematicians.

But I do want you to know how happy and grateful I am. In fact, I’m so excited,  I’m having trouble deciding which high level profession to try out first.
 
Or maybe I should just wait for my future boss to come to me.

So thanks, Senator McCain.  And please stay well  … at least until that foreign policy osmosis thing kicks in for Ms. Palin and the pesky Axis of Evil.

Oh … and one more thing: Please keep me in mind if you ever need heart surgery.
[tags]Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Running Mate Humor, VP Verse, Veep Vetting, Qualifications Humor, Heart Surgery Humor[/tags]

Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Gender Politics, John McCain, Political Commentary, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin, White House | 4 Comments »

Bailin’ On Palin?

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.

However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to.  Admitting a mistake in judgment?  Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.

But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia.  Which reminds me —  I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting  so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was  move to Alaska.

And now it’s time for two limericks:

It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In  her muck.  Yet he feigns no regret.

John’s allies are  praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?[tags]Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates[/tags]

Posted in Campaign Humor, Condi Rice Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin | Comments Off on Bailin’ On Palin?

Some Friendly Advice For Obama

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

The longer this presidential campaign goes on, the more worried I become.  And oddly enough, it’s Barack Obama’s much touted communication skills that concern me the most.

Because as good as Obama is at speechifying, that’s how poor he is when he’s responding to questions.  It’s the difference between hearing the insightful results of his thought process … and being forced to watch him think.

And that leads me to my latest verse:

Some Friendly Advice For Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, your speeches are great,
Like a confident, smart Head of State.
But when questioned you freeze
And appear ill at ease.
Loosen up or you’ll lose — no debate!

And when queried you need to be clear.
Don’t meander and stutter,  you hear?
Cuz you come off evasive
And  quite unpersuasive,
While John McCain’s lies sound sincere.

I’ll admit I was never a fan,
And I’m sick of the phrase “Yes we can.”
But I’m begging you, hide
Your pontificate-side,
Else you’ll lose to a confidence man.[tags]Presidential Election, Obama Limerick, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Head Of State, Campaign Speeches, Press Conference, McCain Limerick[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, John McCain, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 2 Comments »

Media Sheep

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

I’ll be making a big announcement very soon — probably on Friday.  But in the meantime, here’s my Media Sheep, inspired in part by this Carpetbagger Report post: In context, Obama’s humble; but out of context…

Of course, we’ve reached a point at which reality no longer matters. A reporter found an anonymous source who took Obama’s comments out of context, changed the meaning entirely, and all of a sudden, we’re off to the races. As Vincent Rossmeier noted, “Of course, the simple fact that the quote isn’t accurate isn’t going to stop some on the right — and in the media — from using it as fuel for the emerging narrative about Obama.”

Media Sheep
By Madeleine Begun Kane

McCain’s a straight talker.
Ignore all his lying.
Obama is pompous.
He’s humble?  Not buying!

That’s the agreed-upon narrative.  See?
Facts don’t support it?
So scrap them with glee.

McCain contradicts
All his stated positions.
Just brush this aside.
He’s above all suspicions.

Minor adjustments in views from Barack?
Paint them as flip-flops
And go with the flock.
 
(For extra points, tell me what song parody this could be turned into with a bit of tinkering.)[tags]John McCain Verse, Barack Obama Poem, Straight Talk, Press Narratives, Flip-Flops, Media Humor, Presidential Campaign Satire, Election Humor[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, John McCain, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 3 Comments »

A Humorist’s Lament (Covering The New Yorker Cover Brouhaha In Verse) – Updated

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

By now, everyone’s surely seen Barry Blitt’s New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim.  Intended to satirize “The Politics of Fear,” the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock.

Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow has a very interesting take on the topic here and here, as does cartoonist Ruben Bolling here, and Don Davis here, here, here, and here.  The New York Times queries some late night talk show hosts here and Mark Karlin of Buzzflash speaks out here.

Here’s my view in verse:

A Humorist’s Lament
Madeleine Begun Kane

A humorist like me sure knows
How tough it is to write, compose,
And sketch satiric toons and prose
And poems.  It’s not without its woes.

For instance, Barry Blitt’s lampoon,
New Yorker’s well-intentioned toon,
Is meant to show as crass buffoon
The lie and bias-spreading goon.

The humor quand’ry, if you please:
This toon could fit with equal ease
In any right-wing, racist sleaze
And readily its readers please.

That’s why it draws this fit of pique
For spreading what it would critique,
Confirming to the knowledge-weak:
Barack Obama — Terr’ist Sheik!

Update: Some more funny people have chimed in on this topic: skippy; David Horsey; Jon Swift; and Talk About Comics.[tags]Barack Obama, New Yorker Cover, Barry Blitt, Tom Tomorrow, Ruben Bolling, Racial Stereotypes, Media Humor, Election Coverage Satire[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Humor Writing, Media Satire, New Yorker, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Social Satire | 4 Comments »

So, Is This Ageist Too? (Limerick & Commentary)

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

I hope I’m wrong.  But I’m concerned that cowed (and confused) Dems may be backing off valid John McCain criticism out of fear of being called ageist.

As some Republicans see it, Democrats are deliberately talking in code about the presumptive 71-year-old GOP nominee as part of an attempt to highlight his age.

…

Obama aides deny any strategy to highlight age, and Obama, 46, himself told reporters last month that age should not be a factor. Indeed, he used to compliment McCain’s “half-century of service” to the country as a Vietnam War veteran and a member of Congress, but after McCain campaign manager Rick Davis argued that it was a sly way to inject age into the debate, Obama dropped the reference in February.  

…

But when Obama foreign policy adviser Susan Rice and Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) each described McCain as “confused” last week, Republicans became convinced that Democrats intend to run a crypto-ageist strategy, using words that create a subtle impression in voters’ minds.  

…

But the dynamic of Obama’s running against a candidate who’s a quarter of a century older is nonetheless creating an environment where some Democrats see the need to self-censor, proving that the McCain offensive is already working.

“I was going to say, ‘He lost his grip,’” said Democratic consultant Jonathan Prince, recalling a recent appearance on CNN’s “Situation Room.” “Those are normal words you use when you are involved in campaigns. You say, ‘They are nuts, they are off their rocker, they lost it.’ They have become very adept at grabbing every opportunity they can to turn it into a personal slur.”

The problem with John McCain isn’t his age per se.   McCain’s problem is he lacks the wisdom and maturity that ought to come with age.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

So, Is This Ageist Too?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
Wah, wah, wah! Don’t critique John McCain.
If you do so you’re ageist — Insane!
I think that just maybe
McCain’s a big baby,
Too puerile to win this campaign.[tags]McCain Criticism, Democrats Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor[/tags]

Posted in Ageism Humor, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, John McCain, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 2 Comments »

Is Olbermann Turning Into O’Reilly?

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

Is it just me?  Or is Keith Olbermann turning into Bill O’Reilly?

The bombastic commentary.  The narcissism.  And, of course, the misogyny.

I’d thought that once Obama clinched the Democratic nomination, it would be safe to start watching Countdown again.  Without Keith’s daily anti-Hillary target practice, I might even be able to watch it without cringing.

Wrong!

Keith’s bloviating “Worst Person in the World” anti-Katie Couric tirade was almost enough to make me turn to Bill O’Reilly. Talk about desperate!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Is Olbermann Turning Into O’Reilly? 
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the past I cheered Olbermann’s rants—
Loved his anti-war, anti-Bush stance.
But misogynous bluster
Is all he can muster
In Olbermann’s mirror-romance.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, Hillary Clinton, Keith Olbermann, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire | 22 Comments »

War, Inc. Interruptus

Monday, May 19th, 2008

In a parallel universe, Monday night’s New York Film Academy screening of John Cusack’s War, Inc. was great, as was the Rachel Maddow-moderated Q & A that followed the screening. Back on earth, however, the screening didn’t go quite so well.  In fact … it barely went at all.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  A few days ago, when my anti-war limericks won me a War, Inc. screening ticket, I thought, “How cool!”  And it probably would have been cool, had the attendees gotten to see (and hear) more than a few minutes of the film.

I knew there was trouble almost as soon as the movie started. Both the picture and the sound seemed to come from a copy so worn out, it should have been tossed a good decade before the movie was even conceived.

And that was the good part.

Several minutes into the showing we lost all the sound, during what looked to be a very key scene.  And no amount of shouting from the audience could arouse the projectionist from his apparent stupor.

As the movie kept soundlessly going, several of us left the screening room to look for the projectionist or someone else to yell at.  Did I mention that nobody seemed to be in charge?

Finally someone located the projectionist, who unapologetically claimed that he’d only left the room for two minutes. 

Liar, liar! Projector on fire!

The obnoxious fellow (presumably a film student) finally got the thing going again, but refused to rewind.  No matter, though, because almost immediately he lost the sound again, and again, and again.

At this point, an audience riot seemed inevitable.  Okay, maybe not a riot — we’re liberals, after all.  Still,  we’re talking two or three hundred seriously miffed people.

Since I wasn’t exactly missing anything,  I stepped out of the room for a moment to make a phone call.  And on my return I heard someone yell that the screening was over and everyone had to leave. 

Another attendee told me that during my brief absence the projectionist had claimed that an irate audience member had assaulted him.  Let’s just say that  Mr. “I Was Only Gone Two Minutes” isn’t exactly a credible witness. 

And so we all straggled out, angry, frustrated, and disappointed. And based on what little I saw of War, Inc. probably sadder about missing Rachel Maddow than about missing the actual movie.

Which reminds me, I wonder if anyone told Rachel and screen writers Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser to not bother showing up for the Q & A.

Like I said, nobody seemed to be in charge. [tags]War, Inc., New York Film Screening, Rachel Maddow, John Cusack, Angry Liberal Mob, Mark Leyner, Jeremy Pikser, Joan Cusack, Marisa Tomei, Hilary Duff, Dan Aykroyd, Ben Kingsley[/tags]

Posted in Air America Humor, Iraq War Humor, Media Satire, Movie Reviews, Political Commentary, Politics Satire, Rachel Maddow | 3 Comments »

Dear Supreme Sacrificer

Friday, May 16th, 2008

I can’t decide what’s more absurd — Bush’s delusional boast that giving up golf is some sort of Iraq War sacrifice … or the fact that he lied about it.

In any event, George “Golf-Deprived” Bush deserves another limerick don’t you think? 

Dear Supreme Sacrificer
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So you gave up your golf — I don’t care.
It is hardly the cure for despair.
You’ve inflicted much pain
For no positive gain,
And your reign is an unanswered prayer.[tags]Iraq War Sacrifice, Dubya Limerick, Bush & Golf[/tags]

Posted in George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Iraq War Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 5 Comments »

Those Were The Days, My Friend

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

Remember when the entire left blogosphere could be counted on to criticize politicians who said one thing and did the opposite? And when hypocrisy was routinely deconstructed and attacked by the left?

I’m talking about the pre-Obama-cult days, of course.  A time when the sort of behavior described here, here, here and here wouldn’t have been countenanced (let alone encouraged) by half the left blogosphere. Those were the days, my friend. (McCain Trademark Pending)

And that brings me to the first of my latest pair of limericks:

Dear Obama, please tell us all why
You keep doing the stuff you decry.
Cuz the “high road” you claim
Sure is littered with shame,
As you peddle your DC change lie.

My second new limerick was inspired by Obama’s slick habit of conflating the GWB and Bill Clinton presidencies by referring to decades in discussing this nation’s problems.  Instead of pinpointing the horrendous Bush years, Obama blithely tarnishes the Democratic brand with that plural decades reference.  

Why does he do this? Apparently it’s Obama who will do whatever it takes to win.  And that includes making sure Hillary doesn’t get credit by association for the relatively prosperous and peaceful Nineties.

That brings me to today’s second limerick:

Obama cites “decades” of ills,
Conflating the Bush years with Bill’s.
He’ll hurt the Dem brand
By playing that hand,
Leading voters to run for the hills.[tags]Barack Obama Hypocrisy, Democratic Brand, Left Blogosphere, Presidential Election Humor, Campaign Satire[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Lefty Blogger News, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 3 Comments »

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

They were warned, but they refused to listen. And now they’re paying the price.

I’m referring, of course, to the Pro-Obama bloggers who delight in anti-Dem media bias, so long as it’s directed at Hillary Clinton.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the election: Now that the press is giving Obama a hard time over his condescending bitter-small-town-America faux pas, these press bias-enablers are suddenly horrified by media bias. Why? Because it’s their candidate whose ox is being Gored. 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The press is unfair to Barack,”
Whines the Cult of Obama with shock.
Loaded questions, contortions
Of words, and distortions
Now wrong, cuz it’s their guy they mock.[tags]Media Bias, Press Bias, Media Humor, Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Presidential Election Campaign Satire[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Lefty Blogger News, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Social Satire, White House | 21 Comments »

Biased Journalists And Bloggers, Heal Thyselves!

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

Hey, cable honchos. Before lambasting Hillary for “failing to fact check,” you might consider dabbling in some fact checking yourselves.

I’m referring, of course, to the media’s dead hospital patient mock-fest and, more broadly, to the “Gore-ing” of Hillary Clinton.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Biased Journalists And Bloggers, Heal Thyselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In cov’rage quite sloppy at best,
The press attacked Hill’ry with zest,
Disputing her facts.
But ’twas they who were lax.
Cuz if Clinton says east they say west.[tags]Biased Bloggers, Sloppy Journalists, Senator Clinton, Press Fact Checking, Presidential Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Health Humor, Media Limerick[/tags]

Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Health Satire, Hillary Clinton, Lefty Blogger News, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 6 Comments »

Hysterical Lefty Bloggers Whine For Clinton To Leave Obama Alone

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Predictably, the A-list lefty blog-calls for Hillary to get out of the presidential race have continued, notwithstanding last night’s Hillary Clinton wins. Any minute now, I half-expect to read that Hillary’s refusal to bow out is racist.

Of course, these hand-the-nomination-to-its-rightful-owner rants come from the same bloggers who insist that Obama isn’t sexist and that the media hasn’t been biased against Clinton. (Americablog is but one example and no, I will not link to it.)

Apparently, these bloggers can’t wait for the media to turn its biased dirty tricks on Obama.  Because that’s exactly what will happen if/when Clinton is out of the picture:

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

The press guys can’t wait to declare
That Clinton’s kaput on the air.
Then they’ll turn on Barack:
They’ll malign and they’ll mock
Him, the way they hit Hill’ry. Beware![tags]Presidential Politics, Lefty Bloggers, Press Bias, Media Sexism, Racist Accusations, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Media Humor[/tags]

Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Gender Politics, Hillary Clinton, Lefty Blogger News, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House | 11 Comments »

Obama’s Words – A Textbook Case Of Subtle Sexism

Sunday, February 17th, 2008

Some recent Barack Obama comments reminded me of a personal essay on subtle sexism I wrote way back in 1990.  And while that might sound like ancient history, my essay, published under various titles including Gender At Work and My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of current (2008) textbooks by Gary Goshgarian:  The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.

In his introduction to my essay, Northeastern University English Professor Goshgarian observes:

Women may seem to have made tremendous progress professionally and academically, but they are held back by indirect sexist comments and attitudes. They are caught in a catch-22.  If they react against these seemingly small slights, they appear to be overreacting or too sensitive. But to let them pass may signal that such comments are somehow acceptable.  In the next essay, humorist and self-described “recovering lawyer” Madeleine Begun Kane holds that subtle sexism maintains gender differences.

And that brings me to this subtly sexist Obama comment, made in response to Hillary Clinton attacks:

You challenge the status quo and suddenly the claws come out.

And to this even more offensive line:

I understand that Senator Clinton, periodically when she’s feeling down, launches attacks as a way of trying to boost her appeal.

“Claws come out?” “Periodically?”  “Feeling down?” These words are more subtle than the B-word, I suppose. But they are sexist, nonetheless. 

So where’s the blogger outrage over Obama’s sexism?  Lots of luck finding it among the A-list bloggers — the male ones, at least. They have a much better time of it interpreting everything the Clinton team does as racist. 

Sure, there’s some great commentary about Obama’s sexism over at Taylor Marsh’s blog and at Talk Left. But in the main, Obama’s getting a gender bias-pass.

Meanwhile, many educated young women, who apparently take the accomplishments of feminism for granted, are supporting Obama’s candidacy over Hillary Clinton.

You know what those young women could use?  A good gender studies course.  Because sexism, after all, isn’t ancient history.

(For the lighter side of gender issues, you can find my feminist humor here.)

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Posted in Barack Obama, Election Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, Hillary Clinton, Political Commentary | 18 Comments »

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