Washington Post Headline: “Republicans flock to court to ‘kiss the ring’ during Trump criminal trial”
GOPers are flocking to court
To kiss Donald’s rump and help thwart
New York’s efforts to try
Donald Trump. (He’s their guy!)
And to truth, law, and justice distort.
It’s a challenge for Trump to comply
With societal rules. He’s a guy
Who has always felt free
To ignore them with glee;
To break laws and to flagrantly lie.
Trump’s accustomed to getting his way.
But in Criminal Court, he lacks sway.
It’s the Judge who has power,
So Don’s looking dour,
Forced to hold all his anger at bay.
Be quiet in court and sit down!
Trump’s compelled to comply (with a frown.)
For he fin’lly must face
His first criminal case:
It’s Judge Merchan who now wears the crown!
Here’s a free tip for Trump: Spewing bile
Is best to avoid while on trial.
It may help you raise cash,
But it still remains rash.
My advice: Try pretending to smile.
Hooray for the Donald’s arraignment!
It’s much more than a mere entertainment.
The man must be jailed,
His freedom curtailed.
I can’t wait till he’s under restrainment.
*****
Though Trump masquerades
as a pol for the people,
he’s just for himself.
Headline: “Supreme Court appears skeptical of New York’s restrictive gun-control law”
New York gun control’s likely to slip,
Cuz the highest Fed Court lacks a grip
On our big city needs
To forestall deadly deeds.
I just hope it won’t shoot from the hip!
Headline: “New York Mayor’s Race in Chaos After Elections Board Counts 135,000 Test Ballots”
New York’s contest for mayor’s been thrown
Into chaos; its tally’s been blown
By The Board of Elections,
Whose ballot corrections
Will be tainted — the truth deemed unknown.
It’s Primary Day here, and so…
It is off to the polls we must go.
But these ballots are weird;
Far worse than I feared!
Ranked choice voting? I’d rather vote “NO!”
Headline: “Cheers! New York liquor stores deemed ‘essential’ and can stay open amid coronavirus crisis”
What’s “essential” right here in New York?
Nearly anything needing a fork.
Drugs and paper goods too,
And to this I say, WHEW:
Refreshments that come with a cork.
Bill de Blasio’s reign has been poor,
And I’m desp’rate to show him the door.
But the others are worse,
So it seems (with a curse)
I’ll vote “Bill,” but won’t say “Je l’adore.”
New York’s beautiful Taconic State Parkway is marred by signage litter; ostentatious signs directing people to the non-park known as Donald J. Trump State Park. (Rachel Maddow explains the history of this non-park with its misleading, annoying signs. She even takes us for a tour in this entertaining video.)
Alas, this just-pretend park sits right between our Bayside, Queens house and our tiny summer cottage in Putnam Valley. So those damn signs routinely haunt and taunt us, which brings me to this limerick:
There’s a fine New York road, the Taconic;
With its lush mountain views, it’s a tonic…
Or it was in the past.
But the signs it’s amassed
For the Donald J. Trump Park? Demonic!
I was very saddened to hear that former New York Governor Mario Cuomo has died. He was a fine governor and might very well have been a good president or U.S. Supreme Court Justice.
In reading his obits, I recalled that back in 1991 I wrote a Hamlet-style soliloquy for New York Newsday, related to Mario Cuomo’s indecisiveness about running for president. So I dug it out of my ancient archives, and here it is:
To run, or not to run: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous deficits
Or to take arms against a sea of Republicans,
And by opposing, defeat them. To reign at home:
Or to sleep at home no more: and by running to say we’ll end
The fiscal heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
The northeast is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To quit, to run;
To run: perchance to lose: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that White House quest what brutal press may come,
When we have shuttled off this Albany soil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long New York;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The opponent’s wrong, the public abuse,
The pangs of disprized voters, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That Democrats suffer from the media snakes,
If the Governor simply plays it safe
In the comfort of his Statehouse? Who would those burdens bear,
To drone that keynote speech night after night,
But that the dread of a crash in ’93 ,
A wrecked economy from whose depths
There is no return, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to Washington finding who knows what?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with fear of the polls,
And primaries of great pitch and moment
Seem less appealing as we fear each loss
And lose through sheer inaction.
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio’s been catching some flack lately over his traffic-safety initiative. It seems he doesn’t practice what he preaches.
Trafficking In Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bill de Blasio warns New York folk
To drive carefully. Safety’s no joke.
Yet the rules take a hike
In Bill’s auto. Did Mike
Ever guzzle a giant-sized Coke?
Note from Mad Kane: For those who don’t follow New York City politics, former Mayor Mike Bloomberg (whom de Blasio criticizes at every opportunity) is famous/infamous for banning super-sized sodas.
Here we go again! It’s too early to pretend to run for U.S. President. So instead, Donald Trump is fake-running for Governor of New York State.
Trumped Up Campaign (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This brainchild (I trust) won’t get far:
New York Governor Trump — TV star.
He might run, Donald claims,
But we know his true aim’s
To get press for his show … or be czar.
The audacity of politicians never ceases to astonish me. And Anthony Weiner’s run for New York City Mayor is only the latest example. I just don’t see how he can ever live down his Twitter scandal, and I say that as a New Yorker and former fan.
Open Limerick To Anthony Weiner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mr. Weiner, I once was a fan;
You’re an outspoken, liberal man.
But I’m sorry –you’re screwed
By the “ick” factor, dude,
So your mayor plans simply don’t scan.
Some article titles say it all: “Pete King Can’t Believe Rubio Has the ‘Balls’ to Fundraise in New York.”
Here’s Rep. Peter King, a conservative Republican who represents much of Long Island, New York:
“Being from New York we’re not supposed to be suckers,” Mr. King told Politicker this morning. “It’s bad enough that these guys voted against it, that’s inexcusable enough. But to have the balls to come in and say, ‘We screwed you now make us president?’”
Limerick Ode To Peter King
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear wealthy New Yorkers, says King,
Do not give any money or bling
To a pol who said “no”
To the Storm Sandy dough.
I agree, which feels odd — King’s right-wing.
Rest In Peace, Edward Koch. ( December 12, 1924 – February 1, 2013)
Limerick Ode To Ed Koch
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Ed Koch sure was one of a kind:
Got my city right out of its bind.
“How’m I doing?” he’d ask.
Praise would flow, and he’d bask.
We shall miss his New York state of mind.
Congratulations to the New York State Legislature and to Governor Andrew Cuomo. Governor Cuomo promised to legalize same-sex marriage in New York and he’s somehow managed to pull it off.
I’m extra proud to be a New Yorker today!
Limerick Ode To Legalized Same-Sex Marriage In New York
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Good news in New York for the gays:
They can join in our straight-wedding ways.
Same sex marriage has passed.
There’s some fairness at last.
Many thanks for those “yes” votes. Give praise!
Limerick Farewell To Anthony Wiener
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m feeling forlorn, but resigned.
We have lost a great liberal mind.
There was really no choice
But to lose Weiner’s voice—
His behavior put Dems in a bind.
Let’s hope this is only a pause—
That one day he’ll be cured of his flaws—
With the passage of time
He’ll arise from the slime
And further our liberal cause.
Needless to say, I’m disappointed in Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY).
Limerick Ode To Anthony Weiner
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems a lib’ral I favor, Rep. Weiner
Has committed a dumb misdemeanor.
Then he lied in the hope
He could fool us — the dope.
Progressives, our team just got leaner.
It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.
Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.
UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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