We the Dems must show full solidarity
To counter the loathsome barbarity
Of Republican stances,
Whose fright’ning advances
Account for this lack of hilarity.
Archive for the ‘Mike Pence’ Category
Who Caused The Jan. 6 Violence? It’s Pence, says Trump (Limerick)
Thursday, March 16th, 2023Washington Post Headline: “Trump claims violence he inspired on Jan. 6 was Pence’s fault”
“The former president suggested the riot could have been avoided if his vice president had cooperated in overturning the results”
As usual, Trump makes no sense
And his distance from truth is immense.
Who’s at fault for Jan. 6?
Here’s the “culprit” Trump picks:
He’s now blaming the violence on Pence.
Pence Ain’t A Saint (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2022Headline: “Pence: ‘We must not rest’ until abortion is outlawed in every state”
On One/Six, Pence behaved like a man;
He helped scuttle Trump’s scurrilous plan.
But enough with the praise!
Re abortion, he’d raze
Women’s rights with a nationwide ban.
What Will It Take For Pence To Stop Repeating Trump’s Lies? (Limerick)
Thursday, March 4th, 2021My latest limerick was inspired by a recent Mike Pence op-ed in The Daily Signal. Here’s how he begins: “After an election marked by significant voting irregularities and numerous instances of officials setting aside state election law, I share the concerns of millions of Americans about the integrity of the 2020 election.”
Dear Mike Pence, I am forced to surmise
That you haven’t stopped backing Trump’s lies.
He endangered your life!
Yet your statements are rife
With Trump myths. That’s bizarre and unwise.
Pence’s Flying Friend (Limerick)
Thursday, October 8th, 2020Headline: “A fly sat atop Mike Pence’s head for two minutes during the V.P. debate.”
A fly’s lengthy stay on Mike’s head
(Two minutes, until the fly fled)
Went unnoticed by Pence,
Or ignored. Makes no sense,
Unless Pence is a robot … or dead.
Trump’s Real Mission? (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 7th, 2020I’ve tried, but can’t shake my suspicion
That Trump and Mike Pence have this mission:
To infect Biden’s team —
That’s the Donald’s wet dream,
Which he thinks cancels out his condition.
Pence To the Rescue (Limerick)
Thursday, February 27th, 2020Headline: “Mike Pence was criticized for his handling of Indiana’s HIV outbreak. He will lead the U.S. coronavirus response.”
A pandemic? No worries! Mike Pence
Is in charge, which makes wonderful sense.
No doubt he’ll repeat
His HIV feat.
So relax! Let the praying commence.
A 2-Mike Limerick
Friday, December 14th, 2018I am betting Pence ain’t in the clear;
He ran the transition, I fear,
And he knew what Mike Flynn
Was up to. I’ll grin
At a Mike Pence arrest. How I’ll cheer!
Trump Runs Away From Pence? (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 5th, 2018Headline: “Trump’s Team Considers Removing Mike Pence from 2020 Ticket”
Will the Donald give Mike Pence the boot?
That’s the re-elect rumor. Each coot
Deserves only the worst.
Yes for vengeance, I thirst,
And I’m hoping this question is moot.
Resign Already! (Limerick)
Friday, August 24th, 2018Hey Donald, it’s time to show spine.
Save your nation and fam’ly — resign!
You destroy and debase;
You’re an Oval disgrace.
While you’re at it, take Pence, your Veep-swine.
Hypocritical Pence (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 8th, 2018Mike Pence’s hypocrisy cries out for a limerick:
Vice President Mike Pence once argued the president of the United States should be held to the highest moral standards to determine whether he should resign or be removed from office.”
Pence made the argument in two columns in the late 1990s, where he wrote that then-President Bill Clinton’s admission of an affair with a White House intern and prior lies to the public about the matter, possibly under oath, meant Clinton should be removed from office.
When Bill Clinton was Prez, Pence decried
And denounced Bill’s affairs. How he tried
To get Clinton expelled.
But such quibbles seem quelled;
He’s Trump’s VEEP now, so standards have died.
Gun Ban Hypocrisy (Limerick)
Monday, April 30th, 2018USA Today headline: “NRA draws fire from backers, foes for gun ban at event with Vice President Pence”
“Lots of guns make you safer in schools.”
That’s the NRA’s stance — greedy tools!
So they’d arm ev’ry teach,
But when Pence gives a speech
At their meeting — NO GUNS!!! — them’s the rules.
Trump/Pence Flag Abuse (Limerick)
Monday, October 9th, 2017Donald Trump was again on the hunt
For distraction — a tax-funded stunt,
So he told his Veep-peon
To locate a knee on
The ground and to flag the affront.
Taking umbrage at “sins” and “misdeeds”
Is Mike’s hobby; that’s how the guy feeds.
Off he flies to a game
With his pre-ordained claim:
Those Flag-bashing blacks are bad seeds!
Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)
Sunday, August 27th, 2017I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:
*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.
*******
An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.
*********
Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.
*****
Life With Mark and Madeleine:
Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.
Madeleine: What’s the problem?
Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!
Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”
*****
“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”
What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.
*****
Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!
*****
I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!
*****
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”
So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:
Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?
*****
Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?
Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!
Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.
Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?
*****
“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”
Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…
Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?
*****
Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”
(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)
*****
“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”
Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!
*****
Trump’s Phoenix Rally
Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.
*****
Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”
The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.
*****
Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!
*****
Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!
*****
Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:
Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.
What’s another Trump lie?
*****
Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”
*****
Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!
*****
Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!
*****
Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?
*****
The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.
*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku
“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.
*****
Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?
*****
Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?
*****
“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.
*****
The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.
*****
Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?
*****
If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.
*****
Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?
*****
A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!
*****
Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.
*****
Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.
*****
Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:
“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.
*****
On The Other (Very Tiny) Hand (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2017At the risk of appearing too dense,
I must ask if it makes any sense
To impeach Donald Trump,
If success means we’d jump
To a Theocrat President Pence.
You Lost The Popular Vote, Donald. Get Over It! (2-Verse Limerick)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2017“Trump Repeats Lie About Popular Vote in Meeting With Lawmakers.”
Now that Trump’s been sworn in, you would think
Mr. Orange would feel in the pink;
That he’d cease his false claims
And fake voter-fraud flames,
But it seems that the man needs a shrink.
Clinton’s popular vote win’s immense,
Which is making Trump terribly tense.
So he fabricates fraud,
Saying votes for the Broad
By illegals robbed Donald and Pence.
Our Mother-Effing Veep? (Limerick)
Monday, January 23rd, 2017Are you as creeped out as I am by VP Pence calling his wife “mother?”
A fellow who calls his wife “mother?”
In the 21st Century? Brother!
That’s our VEEP, who wants gov
To control whom we love
And our bodies. Please get us another!
Here’s a motherlode of Pence quotes, thanks to Stephen Rodrick of RollingStone:
While Mike Pence was governor, his relationship with the Democratic minority in the legislature was crap. Someone on his staff suggested having the Democratic leaders over to the governor’s mansion for dinner. The table was set for 20, but there were only around seven in attendance. One unlucky legislator stuck next to Pence tried to make conversation, but found even at dinner she couldn’t shift Pence off his talking points. Gov. Pence shouted to his wife, Karen, his closest adviser, at the other end of the table.
“Mother, Mother, who prepared our meal this evening?”
The legislators looked at one another, speaking with their eyes: He just called his wife “Mother.”
Maybe it was a joke, the legislator reasoned. But a few minutes later, Pence shouted again.
“Mother, Mother, whose china are we eating on?”
Mother Pence went on a long discourse about where the china was from. A little later, the legislators stumbled out, wondering what was weirder: Pence’s inability to make conversation, or calling his wife “Mother” in the second decade of the 21st century.
Pence Offended, But Apparently Not THAT Offended (Limerick)
Saturday, October 8th, 2016Donald Trump has expressed his “remorse,”
Says Mike Pence, who is “grateful,” of course.
He hopes Trump will impart
What he has “in his heart.”
It seems Pence doesn’t want a ‘divorce.’
Never Judge A Bloke By His Mild-Mannered Cover! (Limerick)
Thursday, October 6th, 2016Mike Pence is even worse on women’s health issues than I thought: As a Congressman, it was Pence who introduced the first bill to block Planned Parenthood funding. He even fathered the Republican habit of blocking essential bills and threatening government shutdowns over defunding Planned Parenthood. So it’s time for a limerick:
Trump’s a sexist, we rail and we fret,
But here’s something we’d best not forget:
Pence invented the scheme
V. Planned Parenthood. Scream
To the rafters: “Mike Pence is a threat!”
Open Limerick To Mike Pence
Wednesday, October 5th, 2016Dear Mike Pence, I am duly impressed.
You bested Tim Kaine, I’ll attest.
You’re so cool under fire,
Too bad you’re a liar!
And since when is mendacity blessed?
