Archive for the ‘Legal Limericks’ Category

Courting Votes (Limerick)

Monday, October 1st, 2012

Today is the First Monday in October, which means the U.S. Supreme Court is back in session. A court, I might add, that’s packed with aging Justices, who could very well retire in the next four years.

Courting Votes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Supreme Court is back in DC—
A reminder that voting is key.
Just imagine the blight:
A court swing further right—
Forty-seven percenter debris.

UPDATE: In a Facebook discussion of my limerick, someone suggested that smoking weed might improve the Justices’ ability to render good decisions. So naturally, I had to write this:

The Justices need to be stoned —
Not with rocks, of course. Cannabis-zoned.
They’d make better decisions
And fewer provisions
Wherein stare decisis is boned.

SCOTUS-Scolding Scandal? (Limerick)

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

Wow! When I wasn’t looking, President Obama apparently mugged the U.S. Supreme Court:

To the fainting couch! Obama attacked the Supreme Court and threatened it with a backlash, should it strike down his tyrannical scheme to impose a government takeover of health care on the nation!

That’s what many conservative writers and even some centrist ones are arguing. They are saying that Obama’s words about the Court yesterday were “unsettling” and a “witch-hunt,” and they’re likening them to F.D.R.’s efforts to pack the Court in retaliation for decisions striking down New Deal initiatives.

Please. If what Obama said yesterday is an “attack,” it’s pretty timid stuff indeed.

SCOTUS-Scolding Scandal? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The very same wingnuts who blast
So-called “activist courts” are aghast
And are faulting Obama
With petulant drama:
“He’s attacking the Court,” they lambaste.

Seems those wingnut Supremes need a hug,
Cuz Obama’s a meanie and “thug.”
His complaint, although mild,
Is driving them wild.
Those guys are sure easy to bug.

Supreme Indecency (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Chances are, you’ve heard about the latest Supreme Court travesty:

In a 5-4 decision, the court ruled against a New Jersey man erroneously arrested during a 2005 traffic stop for a fine he had already paid. Today’s ruling holds that even people arrested for minor offenses can be subjected to strip searches.

Supreme Indecency (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Thanks to Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia,
And their pals, cops can strip ya and see ya.
They don’t need any reason:
It’s strip searching season.
Our privacy’s gone! Mama mia!

Cain’s Grandstanding Demands (Limerick)

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

I have to laugh at Herman Cain’s audacious demand for the phone records of extra-marital affair accuser Ginger White.

I presume this is just grandstanding. Because Cain’s lawyer, Lin Wood, surely knows that he has no right to those records, except in the course of litigation discovery. In other words, no lawsuit — no phone record fishing expedition.

Cain’s Grandstanding Demands (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So did Cain break his marital vow?
He’s demanding the phone records now
Of the gal who accused him.
She ought to refuse him:
No lawsuit? No right! Disallow!

This Spam’s An Abortion

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

I never thought I’d say this, but spam can be enlightening.

I’m referring to a recent spam flurry promoting home abortion kits. And we have Republicans to thank for this disturbing trend. After all, newly empowered Republicans have been targeting abortion rights in a big way. And at the state level they’ve been very successful at severely limiting women’s reproductive rights.

Who knew that when Republicans claimed to be pro-small business, they were talking about abortion kit scam artists?

That brings me to my latest limerick:

This Spam’s An Abortion
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new (to me) flavor of scam
Came by email for gals in a jam.
Yes, a legal cascade
Against Roe versus Wade
Has inspired abortion kit spam.

DOMA Dollars

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

For someone who claims we’re broke, John Boehner certainly has some interesting priorities:

House Republicans plan to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement and his legal team from King & Spaulding as much as $500,000 of taxpayer money to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of House of Representatives…

As Steve Benen says:

… Boehner has been running around for months, falsely claiming, “We’re broke.” It’s how he justifies proposed cuts in critical areas like education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and homeland security, even if it makes the jobs crisis much worse.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

DOMA Dollars
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner asserts that we’re broke,
But wastes cash to please wingnutty folk:
Big taxpayer bucks
On a lawyer deluxe
To save DOMA — for bigots bespoke.

Limerick Ode To Clarence Thomas

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is under scrutiny these days for conflicts of interest related to the Koch Brothers, the Federalist Society, and the Citizens United case.

But today’s limerick and haiku will focus, instead, on the fact that Thomas hasn’t asked a single appellate hearing question in five years.

For the record, I did quite a bit of litigation work during my lawyering years. And believe me, his failure to speak throughout five years of hearings is peculiar and reflects very poorly on his judicial skills.

That brings me to my Clarence Thomas limerick:

Limerick Ode To Clarence Thomas
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m mindful that Thomas can talk,
But at queries for hearings he’ll balk.
He’s been silent for years–
Five in all. I’m all ears.
If he asks one sharp question, I’ll gawk.

And here’s my Clarence Thomas haiku:

The Sup Court’s Thomas–
Too ill-informed for queries?
Or just too lazy?

UPDATE: It’s been nearly two years since I wrote this limerick and haiku. So in fairness, I must announce that Justice Thomas has finally broken his silence.

Now mind you, he didn’t ask a sharp question … or, indeed, any question: He merely made a mildly amusing four-word (or so) remark about lawyers who went to Yale.

Still … it’s a start.

Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!

Monday, January 10th, 2011

In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”

That brings me to my latest Limerick:

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.

(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)

Judge Walker’s Critics — Divorced From Reason

Friday, August 6th, 2010

The gay-bashers are at it again, freaking out at Judge Vaughn Walker’s pro-gay marriage Proposition 8 decision in Perry v. Schwarzenegger. The attacks claim, among other things, that:

The ruling is a travesty of justice because Walker himself is reportedly gay – and because he’s gay, he should’ve removed himself from the case!

Boy, am I glad I never parlayed my law degree into a judgeship. Because, based on this “reasoning,” I would have been duty-bound to recuse myself from any case involving women, Jews, short people, straights, New Yorkers, satirists, versifiers, lawyers, oboe players, agnostics, and people older than … uh … never mind.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Judge Walker’s Critics — Divorced From Reason
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Judge Walker’s well-reasoned decision
Has been met with gay-bashing derision:
He’s “reportedly gay,”
So was biased their way.

Oh, just straight guys have unbiased vision?

The Birth Of Lunacy

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

As I wrote Monday, David Vitter has an unexpected primary fight on his hands. Well, apparently he’s now so desperate to hold on to the wingnut vote, that he’s turned into a full-fledged Birther.

At a town hall event Sunday, he made it clear that he backs Birther lawsuits challenging President Obama’s citizenship, saying he supports “conservative legal organizations and others who would bring that to court.”

That brings me to my latest David Vitter limerick:

The Birth Of Lunacy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

David Vitter has told us his view
Of the Birther position, on cue.
He profoundly approves
And says it behooves
Those with standing to sue, baby, sue.

Supreme Story

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Way back in 1999, President Bill Clinton nominated a brilliant lawyer for a seat on the federal appeals court based in the District of Columbia.

Alas, that lawyer never got to the D.C. bench. Indeed, the brilliant nominee never even got to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

You see, the lawyer suffered from a fatal flaw — she’d been named by a Democratic President, and her appointment would shift the balance of a very important court. So Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, as chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, blocked her nomination, refusing to schedule a hearing.

Disappointed but undaunted, the brilliant lawyer pursued other legal opportunities over the years and achieved great success.

More than a decade after this ill-fated nomination, the federal bench beckoned once again. But this time it was a nomination to the highest court of the land.

Getting a hearing wasn’t a problem this time. A hearing where Senator Hatch and his fellow Republicans would look askance at the brilliant lawyer, complaining she lacked the very judicial experience they had denied her.

Who was that brilliant lawyer? Elena Kagan.

And now you know… the rest of the story.

Related Posts: Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross, Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice, Leery About Elena, and Obama’s What???

Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has “embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.” Moreover, unlike “most women” she doesn’t cross her legs when she’s sitting.

Yes, Washington Post columnist Robin Ghivan is at it again with her sexist political fashion drivel. (I still haven’t recovered from Ghivan’s column about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage.)

Well here’s a news flash for Ms. Ghivan: Any grown woman with half a brain knows that crossing your legs is both uncomfortable and unhealthy. But hey, if you want varicose veins go right ahead.

Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you care about good circulation
And prefer that your feet have sensation,
Then you don’t cross your legs.
Givhan’s column’s the dregs.
Sexist nonsense is Robin’s fixation.

Oily Obstruction

Monday, May 17th, 2010

You’d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. But apparently not. Just ask Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), who blocked the Menendez-Nelson-Lautenberg “Oil Company Bailout Prevention Act,” a bill that would increase the liability cap for oil spills from $75 million to $10 billion.

Oily Obstruction (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Liability caps for a spill
Would be raised by the Democrats’ bill.
But Sen. Lisa says “No!”
She’s protecting each co
That drills oil, despite all that they kill.

They’d be hurt by such law, she maintains.
Such indifference to other folks’ pains!
Who will cover the bills
For the victims of spills?
It seems oil cos have Lisa in chains.

Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

As the Washington Post’s Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law:

Assuming President Obama wins confirmation of Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court, that august body will be exclusively filled with judges who earned their law degrees at Harvard or Yale.

Strauss thinks such exclusivity is a bad idea and, as you can tell from this limerick, so do I:

Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It appears that Supremes have to hail
From the law schools of Harvard or Yale.
My law school’s St. John’s.
That’s just one of my “cons.”
Plus I’m sixty — I might as well bail.

Leery About Elena

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Apparently, anti-Kagan attacks from the right have been inspiring some liberals to rally around her. But I’m not among them. Not yet, anyway.

Now for all I know, Elena Kagan may be a closet liberal. I sure hope so. But so far there’s little to suggest that Kagan’s any more liberal than President Obama, and that scares me.

Leery About Elena (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s no doubt that Ms. Kagan’s quite smart.
Some say brilliant, but does she have heart?
We’ve a liberal hole.
Will she fill it with soul,
Or tip the court “right” from the start?

Obama’s What???

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

How amusing! We’ve moved from “Obama’s Katrina” to “Obama’s Harriet Miers.” Yes, wingnutty Republicans are invoking Harriet Miers in discussing Obama’s U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan. Sorry, Redstate and the rest of you, the answer to “Will this be President Obama’s Harriet Miers Moment?” is “No!”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Obama’s What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Obama’s Katrina,” they say.
“Obama’s H. Miers,” they pray.
To the wingnuts give thanks
For reminding the ranks
Of the many ways Bush went astray.

Related Posts: U.S. Supreme Court Humor

Obama, Please Aim For Even Stevens

Friday, April 9th, 2010

It’s the end of an era. The great Justice John Paul Stevens has announced his resignation from the U.S. Supreme Court. Here’s a thank you limerick for Justice Stevens:

Obama, Please Aim For Even Stevens
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Great thanks to a judge I admire:
Justice Stevens, alas, must retire.
A supreme loss, indeed!
Please Obama, take heed:
In his place, name a judge who’ll inspire.

Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused

Friday, March 26th, 2010

Credit where credit is due: When it comes to self-contradiction, Mitt Romney is both fearless and peerless.

Once a staunch advocate of individual health insurance mandates — the Massachusetts governor who ardently defended their constitutionality — Romney has flip-flopped. Now that they’re required by the Democrats’ Affordable Care Act, they’ve magically turned unconstitutional.

Of course, constant flip-flops can be hard on the constitution. So it’s no surprise that Mitt Romney was for individual mandates before he was against them.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Individual mandates are great,
Said Mitt re Mass. health bill’s debate.
Now he swears that they’re awful
And even unlawful.
Your claims, my dear Mitt — get them straight.

Republican Trials

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

How ironic that GOP state leaders are vowing to challenge the Affordable Health Care for America Act in court. For a party that’s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious:

Republican Trials (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans constantly boo
Trial lawyers. They do it on cue.
For a party that feels
Such attorneys are heels,
The GOP sure likes to sue.