The Republicans’ game is a mess.
Think they know what they’re doing? (God bless!)
At best, they are wreckers.
They’re NOT playing checkers.
And they’re certainly NOT playing chess!
Archive for the ‘House Satire’ Category
Republican Gamesmanship (Limerick)
Friday, December 20th, 2024Musk Throws His Weight Around (Limerick)
Thursday, December 19th, 2024Upon Elon’s command, Johnson’s bill
Was withdrawn. Seems it gives Musk a thrill
To rob Trump of his job.
And so (yessiree Bob!)
Trump and Johnson must swallow this pill.
Still Munching On Popcorn (Limerick)
Friday, October 20th, 2023The House GOP is a mess.
And it seems to be anyone’s guess
When they’ll fin’lly elect
A new Speaker. They’re wrecked!
Is it glee you detect? Oh my, yes!
Matt Gaetz v. Speaker McCarthy
Monday, October 2nd, 2023The long-looming motion by Gaetz,
Meant to toss out the Speaker he hates,
Has fin’lly been filed.
So McCarthy is riled
And heated arm-twisting awaits.
Boebert’s Juicy Display (Limerick)
Sunday, September 24th, 2023By now, you’ve surely heard about Lauren Boebert’s Beetlejuice “performance.” Here’s an entertaining column about Boebert somehow managing to outdo herself in the indecency department.
And here’s my latest limerick:
“Pious” Boebert’s well-known for her rudeness,
Even crudeness (though surely not shrewdness.)
Her vulgar display
At a play made my day:
An infamous “born-again” lewdness.
Open Limerick To Kevin McCarthy
Saturday, September 23rd, 2023Dear Kevin, a Speaker must lead
And inspire; not meekly accede
To demands from a few
Nihilist loons. You shall rue
Selling out to a crew with no creed.
Limerick Ode To Adam Schiff
Thursday, June 22nd, 2023Headline: “House GOP votes to censure Schiff over role in Trump investigations”
Adam Schiff has been censured? So what!
It’s hardly a kick in the gut
To be savaged by asses
Who lie to the masses
To placate a traitorous nut!
Open Limerick To Joe Biden
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023The 14th Amendment is clear,
And the time to take action is here.
Quash the “ceiling” charade:
Our debts must be paid!
Kick extortionist pols in the rear!
More McCarthy Mockery
Thursday, January 5th, 2023According to WP’s Robert Costa, Matt Gaetz says McCarthy must either “withdraw from the race,” or commit to a “straitjacket” agreement.
Come to think of it, straitjackets sound like a great idea for most of the House Republicans!
*****
As self-centered loons
impede race to be Speaker,
insanity reigns.
*****
This haiku, I swear,
is my last McCarthy verse
until tomorrow.
*****
Way too many pols
in Republican Party
naught but Pied Pipers.
*****
“Concession-Kevin”
becomes just-pretend Speaker.
Pyrrhic victory.
*****
Limerick Ode To Paul Ryan
Wednesday, December 19th, 2018Headline: “Paul Ryan sure wishes we could have fixed the deficit he helped explode”
Good riddance, Paul Ryan. Buh-bye,
To a craven and faux-wonkish guy.
“Budget hawk?” What a joke!
You’re a tax-cutting bloke,
And your life’s a big deficit lie!
Kevin McCarthy’s Quite The Kidder! (Limerick)
Friday, December 14th, 2018Headline: “McCarthy calls on incoming Democrats to embrace bipartisanship, not ‘food fight’ or investigations”
Kev McCarthy, of Party-First rule,
Must believe ev’ry Dem is a fool.
Now that Dems run the House,
That hypocrite louse
Touts bipartisanship. What a tool!
A Hairy Rick Saccone Theory (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 14th, 2018Crazy-sounding, but true:
Why did Rick Saccone’s run turned to ash?
Why’d his edge disappear in a flash?
Here’s my fav’rite absurd
Excuse that I’ve heard:
Rick Saccone “should have lost the mustache.”
From the Washington Examiner:
Frustrated by Saccone’s performance, some Republicans have gone so far as to zero in on his mustachioed appearance.
“It’s a porn stache,” said one Pennsylvania-based GOP strategist. “He should have lost the mustache.”
Don’t Be Duped By Health Bill “Hold-Outs” (Limerick)
Friday, June 23rd, 2017“I can’t vote for that bill in the form
That it’s in at this time.” That’s the norm
From a devious pol
Who’s just trying to stall;
Though lukewarm, he’ll conform to the swarm.
Undoing Undue Optimism (4-Verse Limerick)
Saturday, October 31st, 2015Most press coverage about the “cleaning the barn” two-year “budget deal,” negotiated by Boehner as he was handing off his Speaker gig to Paul Ryan, is unduly optimistic. It tends to lull us into thinking that the opportunity for House wingnuts to wreak havoc has been largely eliminated for a substantial period of time.
But that really isn’t true. Why not? Because, generally speaking, there are three broad opportunities for Tea Party types to threaten or cause shutdowns.
1: Budget bills.
2: Debt ceiling crises.
3: Appropriation bills.
And, alas, only the first two items on that list were resolved, leaving ample opportunities for essential appropriation bills to be saddled with unacceptable riders. For instance, riders eliminating Obamacare or defunding Planned Parenthood, to name just two. In other words:
Right-wing Republicans can still pursue their goals through riders on appropriations bills—and, if they don’t get their way, shut down the government.
With Ryan as Speaker, don’t think
That we aren’t stuck right on the brink
Of Tea Party trouble.
It still can cause rubble
Through spending bills yet to gain ink.
The fact that the budget’s resolved
And the ceiling on debt ain’t involved,
Should not make you relieved.
If you are, you’re deceived,
Cuz the poison pill risk isn’t solved.
The House must appropriate cash,
Via bills which the wingnuts can trash
Through riders from guys
With Tea Party ties,
Turning programs we need into ash.
If that happens, then what can be done?
Only vetoes, and those aren’t fun.
But the blackmailing Hill
Can’t prevail on such bill!
Are there any good choices? Nay! None.
Yet Another Benghazi Hearing Limerick (2-Verse)
Saturday, October 24th, 2015That GOP slug-fest of jeering
Was a stamina-trial of a hearing,
For the GOP goal
Was to rattle and roll
HRC. But instead? Pro-Hill cheering.
And for those thinking Clinton’s too old
To be prez, they need only behold
The results of that test
Of endurance — she’d best
Hill’ry’s juniors — Olympian gold!
Limerick Ode To The Benghazi-Obsessed Hillary Haters
Friday, October 23rd, 2015The Hillary haters are sad.
They were praying that Hill would do bad
At hearings designed
To put Hill in a bind
And malign, wear her down, drive her mad.
But Hillary won in a rout.
Trey Gowdy and co left no doubt
That her rep they must shatter.
To them, facts don’t matter
In their shamef’ly political bout.
Paul Ryan REALLY Doesn’t Want To Be Speaker (2-Verse Limerick)
Wednesday, October 21st, 2015I have read each Paul Ryan demand,
Which he labels “requests.” They won’t stand.
There is no way that raucous
So-called “Freedom Caucus”
Assents, and that’s Ryan’s scheme grand.
When you don’t want a job, then you’re free
To ask for the world, which you see
Is what Ryan has done.
They say “No?” Then he’s won…
And back to his old job he’ll flee.
The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again
Wednesday, November 19th, 2014Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.
Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”
For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.
Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”
To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.
Double Dactyl For Eric Cantor
Thursday, July 31st, 2014Eric Cantor gave his House farewell address today. And that gives me all the excuse I need to post this non-limerick of mine, which I entered in the Style Invitational’s recent double dactyl contest:
Beaterdy Featerdy,
GOP Leader E.
Cantor’s unseated and
Out of a job.
Pundits are shocked by his
Unceremonious
Ouster by Brat of the
Tea Party mob.
If you’re not familiar with the double dactyl, I summarize their rules here.
And, by the way, I lost. You can find the winners’ list here.
