I was amused to hear Mike Huckabee offer to go to jail in Kim Davis’ place.
In the midst of the Davis dissension
And her quest for gay marriage prevention,
Huck delivered this plea:
Don’t jail Davis. Jail ME!
It’s the only way Huck gets attention.
Limerick Ode To Kim Davis
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A thrice-divorced clerk known as Kim
Seems to wed and divorce on a whim.
But this bigoted broad
Claims on orders from “God”
That she can’t let a guy wed a “him.”
Open Limerick To “Licensing Clerks” Offended By Gay Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re a county employee devout?
There’s a law your religion says, “Flout?”
Well, a licensing clerk
Just can’t shirk certain work.
License gay folks to wed … or get out!
Texas Republicans, Repair Thyselves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The “reparative therapy” craze
Is fancied by Texans for gays.
Although Dems know it’s foolish,
Republicans, mulish,
Praise treatment for homo-malaise.
As the fight over Oklahoma’s ban on same-sex marriage heads to the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver, Colorado, Oklahoma Rep. Mike Turner (R-Edmond) is worried that gay marriage might prevail. And being desperate to combat the scourge of same-sex marriage, Turner has drafted a shell bill to use in case the case doesn’t go his way:
Mike’s Oklahoma “Solution” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mike Turner’s prevailed in his hunt
For an anti-same-sex marriage stunt.
If you’re gay or you’re straight
You can’t wed in his state,
Says his bill; Equal rights — Mike’s out front.
Will Femia, over at MaddowBlog, has challenged us to a “good old-fashioned marriage equality limericking bee.” Here’s my contribution:
Limerick Ode To Same Sex Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Same sex couples are quick to endorse
The spread of gay marriage, of course.
But the happiest folks
Are THESE women and blokes:
Hungry lawyers who handle divorce.
Most experts seem to think the U.S. Supreme Court will strike down DOMA, thereby ending the federal ban on benefits to gay spouses. The question is: Will they do it based upon equal protection, or states’ rights? The former (seemingly supported by the four liberal Supremes) is vastly preferable, but the later appears more likely; the perennial swing judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, is more of a states’ rights kinda guy.
Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m GLAD to hear DOMA’s in trouble.
But will Justices safe in their bubble
Concede that it’s wrong,
Beat the gong, say so long
To treating gay couples like rubble?
It can’t be easy to simultaneously piss off liberals, conservatives, gays, and homophobes. But Mitt Romney managed to do it.
How? By hiring and (under pressure from anti-gay conservatives) speedily muzzling and forcing out his openly gay, misogynistic, wingnutty foreign policy spokesman Ric Grenell.
Mitt Romney’s Grenell Gaffe (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt Romney would love to dispel
His panicked farewell to Grenell:
Bigots bitched, so he jumped —
His gay spokesman, he dumped,
Selling out at alarm bells, pell-mell.
For someone who claims we’re broke, John Boehner certainly has some interesting priorities:
House Republicans plan to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement and his legal team from King & Spaulding as much as $500,000 of taxpayer money to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of House of Representatives…
As Steve Benen says:
… Boehner has been running around for months, falsely claiming, “We’re broke.” It’s how he justifies proposed cuts in critical areas like education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and homeland security, even if it makes the jobs crisis much worse.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
DOMA Dollars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John Boehner asserts that we’re broke,
But wastes cash to please wingnutty folk:
Big taxpayer bucks
On a lawyer deluxe
To save DOMA — for bigots bespoke.
J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. This is what he had to say during his Rick Santorum-like “man on dog” moment:
You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, “the establishment of intimacy.” Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse.
Now I’m very happily married to a human male right now. But just in case it doesn’t work out, I think this is wonderful news:
Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Would you like to be wed to a cat?
Or a horse, or a dog, or a bat?
Or even an ass?
Simply move out to Mass.
Hayworth says it’s okay. So that’s that.
I just couldn’t resist writing some limericks about the hypocritical, gay-bashing Senator Larry Craig:
A Trio Of Limericks For Idaho Senator Larry Craig
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Craig confessed to a crime in the loo
He proclaims that he never would do,
Cuz he’s straight as can be:
He was just there to pee,
And perversions he’d always eschew.
When Larry was under arrest,
He was stressed, which is why he confessed.
All his actions are pure
And he’s really demure
And not gay, except when he’s undressed.
Larry Craig says he has a wide stance
In the john when he zips down his pants:
He’s an innocent man.
His arrest in the can
Was an error, cuz Craig ain’t no nance.
Here’s a good story about the hate-filled, bigoted venom directed at John Edwards, which was recently spewed by a person whose name I will no longer mention, because it only encourages her. (Via the indispensable Buzzflash.)
Why I Won’t Use What’s-Her-Name’s Name Anymore
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are wingnuts so starved for attention,
They’ll use words that you’re not s’posed to mention,
Like that you-know-who stick
With her Edwards-slam: Sick!
So I’ve banned her to show my dissension.
(Here’s my previous verse about what’s-her-name.)[tags]John Edwards, David Bonior, Right-Wing Machine, Right-Wing Filth, Bigoted Attacks, Conservative Conference, Political Discourse, Offensive Remarks, Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, Homophobia, Anti-Gay Slurs, Rehab[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Political Tidbits
Saturday, March 21st, 2015Glenn Beck just announced that he’s quitting the Republican Party.
It seems the GOP isn’t quite crazy enough for him.
*****
To prove he really means it this time, Donald Trump is forming a presidential exploratory committee.
Some circuses just can’t have too many rings.
*****
Dear Rand Paul, I don’t live in Kentucky,
And I think that you’re far worse than yucky.
Why’s your newsletter clogging
My email and dogging
My bandwidth with viewpoints so sucky?
*****
Facts can be pesky
and undermine views.
But the right just discards them
like old, worn out shoes.
*****
In a Playboy interview, Dick Cheney said Obama is “the worst president of my lifetime”.
I could have sworn that title belonged to Cheney.
*****
Why don’t I call
the GOP pols heartless?
I hate redundancy.
*****
Re Matt McLaughlin’s gays-killing CA ballot initiative, doesn’t his “Sodomite Suppression Act” deserve a “Matt McLaughlin Suppression Act?”
*****
Alaska Republican Rep. Don Young suggested letting wolves loose to cure the homeless problem.
What a foxy way to angle for a job at Fox News!
*****
The duped marks wallow
in hollow crap they swallow
from pols they follow.
*****
Conservative commentator Dinesh D’Souza has denounced Hillary Clinton’s “lawlessness.”
But I think D’Souza is just lonely serving time for violating campaign finance laws.
*****
Sudden clarity
of thought and reason in pols–
Can’t a gal dream?
*****
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has signed a “Right-to-Work” law, a/k/a the “Right to Destroy Unions by Reaping Benefits Without Paying Dues” law.
******
GOP hucksters
hock our nation’s future
to gain/maintain power.
*****
Tags: California, Dick Cheney Humor, Dinesh D’Souza, Don Young, Donald Trump, Fox News, Gay Rights, Glenn Beck, Hillary Clinton, Kentucky, Matt McLaughlin, Political Tidbits, Presidential Campaign Humor, Rand Paul, Scott Walker, Sodomite Suppression Act, Unions
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