For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:
1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and
2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”
And that brings me to my latest haiku:
The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?
The always insightful and informative Dick Polman (who also writes for the Philadelphia Inquirer) deconstructs the history of a too-good-to-be-true Ronald Reagan “quote” about George W. Bush. And he concludes with a wonderful old, but new-to-me, journalistic saying:
If your own mother says she loves you, check it out.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more journalists heeded that excellent advice?
Speaking of Ronald Reagan, is he still a saint?[tags]Journalism Quote, Ronald Reagan, GWB[/tags]
The defendants in Valerie Plame Wilson’s lawsuit against the CIA for censoring her book, Fair Game, had better hope she never gets to trial. I say that because I’ve heard her interviewed several times, and that woman will make one hell of a witness.
Moreover, asserting national security, in order to censor material that’s already in the public domain, sure sounds like revenge censorship to me.
And that brings me to my latest haiku:
Plame’s book censored by
Bush blackguards, who black out truths
Already revealed.
(You can find my Traitorgate song parody about Valerie Plame’s outing here.) [tags]Valerie Plame Wilson, Outing CIA Agent, Fair Game, Plame Censorship, Plame Lawsuit[/tags]
I watch George Bush in disbelief.
His lies have caused such strife and grief.
Please tell me why that man is still chief.
(You can find more disbelief here.)[tags]President Bush, Disbelief[/tags]
If I’m ever reduced to pronouncing myself “relevant,” please, I’m begging you, put me out of my misery:
George Bush feels the need
To brag that he’s relevant.
What would Shakespeare say?[tags]George Bush Relevant, Bush Humor[/tags]
At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP:
SCHIP HAIKU
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush vetoed S-CHIP
Cuz he had a better plan:
No Child Left Alive.
(You can find more of my health humor here.)
Update:
Ayn Clouter seasons
Her blog with parody poems,
Inspiring laughter.
Why did I post a haiku about Ayn Clouter? Because she responded to my SCHIP haiku with some haiku of her own. [tags]SCHIP Humor, Children’s Health Insurance Plan[/tags]
How amusing! Karl Rove wants to be remembered for something more than just being the “Brain” of the worst President in U.S. history:
But even the cog does not want to be identified solely by his ties to the president. He knows he will go down in history as Bush’s “architect,” but he thinks he can expand his identity beyond just that. “It’s not like my life from here forward is going to be defined by it,” he said. “I have a chance to create something else. I’m not just going to be typecast as, ‘Oh, that’s the Bush guy.'”
Is Karl Rove’s Loyalty Roving? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rove’s rep is atrocious, of course.
Being known just for Bush is a source
Of embarrassment, true.
Is he starting to rue
It and suffer from seller’s remorse?
The answer to my “seller’s remorse” question is “probably not.” My guess is Rove’s huge ego will never let him admit to himself that he bet on (and sold) the wrong horse.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Torture Advice Column, By ‘Devil’s Advocate’
* Carnival Of Satire
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of Political Punditry
* Carnival of Principled Government [tags]Karl Rove, President Bush[/tags]
Dear Rudy,
You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.
You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family. (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech? Your secretary? Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?
In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop. Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.
Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.
Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address? Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)
Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.
Bye for now, Rudy. But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you.
Sincerely,
Miss Madness
P.S. I practice divorce law too.
(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.) [tags]Rudy Giuliani Rudeness, Cell Phone Etiquette, Rudy & Judi, NRA Speech, Rudy V. Hillary, Henpecked Humor, Presidential Campaign, Election Satire,[/tags]
In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President
The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.
I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear. [tags]Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope[/tags]
Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.
Oh … wait. Never mind!
So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence?
Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status. [tags]Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor[/tags]
I don’t know about you, but I’m sufficiently nervous about GWB destroying the world as we know it. So I really don’t need new scary things to worry about:
* Being autopsied while still, technically, alive.
* Swimming in hot lakes causes amoeba-related deaths.
* “Computers could mimic human speech so perfectly that vocal terrorism could be a new threat in 10-15 years’ time…” (We’re already getting enough vocal terrorism from Bush — thank you very much!)[tags]Autopsied Alive, Computerized Vocal Terrorism, Hot Lakes, Killer Amoeba, President Bush[/tags]
These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn’t resist this great headline: Bush backs ‘Austrian troops’ at ‘OPEC’.
You say APEC, and Bush says OPEC.
You say Australian, and Bush says Austrian.
APEC,
OPEC,
Australian,
Austrian:
Let’s call the Bush term off.
(My apologies to the Gershwin brothers.) [tags]Bush Gaffes, Bushisms, APEC, OPEC, Australian, Austrian, Gershwin[/tags]
Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job — protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. Consequently, this George Bush line, made during the Gonzales resignation announcement, made me laugh out loud:
It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Al Gonzales is impeded from doing good work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.
Of course, the obvious question is “What good name?” But putting that aside, Bush fails to mention the provenance of all that mud. This haiku should explain it:
Dub’s dirty secrets
Created the “mud” Bush claims
Gonzales dragged through.
(You can find more of my Alberto Gonzales humor and poems here.)[tags]Alberto Gonzales, Resignation, Al Gonzales Good Name, Congressional Hearings, Gonzales Verse, Gonzales Poetry, Gonzales Haiku, Gonzales Lies, Gonzales Amnesia[/tags]
Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies? Apparently not. Sure, they eventually quit. But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit.
Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”
And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.
I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick:
Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy [tags]Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies[/tags]
Have you seen this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin? Boy, that Pootie-Poot is majorly buff! And something tells me that George Dubya Bush is seriously jealous. After all, he sure as hell isn’t built like this.
That brings me to my latest poll:
Update: How come so many presidential physiques are in the news? Apparently French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s naked “poignees d’amour (love handles)” were retouched by the French magazine Paris Match — tightened to make him look more svelte. [tags]Vladimir Putin, Pootie-Poot, Buff Russian President, Putin Humor, Putin Satire, Dubya Humor, Gym Rats, Bush Putin Poll[/tags]
I wasn’t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his “money runs out,” and possibly as early as September.
In fact, the only thing that surprised me was that he came back to his White House job at all after his latest bout with cancer. I can’t imagine anyone with a life-threatening illness wanting to spend what could possibly be his last years or even months being a Bush patsy on a government salary. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Yet Another Snow Job?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush spokesman, ex-Foxer named Snow
Is quite ill and is planning to go.
Must be stressful to lie
Ev’ry day for that guy.
Why not do it for big network dough? [tags]Tony Snow, White House Spokesman, Bush Spokesman, Snow Resignation, Fox Cable News[/tags]
Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?
Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress? A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time?
Hahahahaha!
Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:
Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.
And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.
So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report? Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:
(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)[tags]General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll[/tags]
Okay, so Karl Rove has resigned to spend more time with his family. Yeah … right. This calls for a poll, don’t you think?
(My Bush impeachment poll is still open for business, and you can find my Bush’s Brain limerick here..) [tags]Karl Rove’s Resignation, Bush’s Brain Resigns, Polls, Polling, Humor[/tags]
According to Americablog, CNN’s Ed Henry has reported that Bush now has a spanking new (and personal) press briefing room podium.
I guess the podium used by Tony Snow and Dana Perino must have cooties. Or perhaps they’re hiding some sort of electronic “dictate the answers to Bush” equipment inside his personal podium. On the other hand, this just might be Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.
Bush on his podium
Fills me with odium.
Pass the Imodium. [tags]Bush Podium, Bush Press Conferences, Cheney Undisclosed Location, Tony Snow, Dana Perino[/tags]
I finally dare to fantasize that the Democrats may have gotten their act together, and they pull a cowardly stunt like this:
Just when the Dems at least are talking tough (even if they aren’t acting tough), they let Bush and Cheney intimidate them into giving them more spying powers. …
Can’t the Democrats just say “no,” as in “Sorry, you have proven that you can’t be trusted with increased spying powers, in fact you are still failing to fully inform Congress and the American people about the illegal spying you have conducted in the past and are still, apparently, conducting”?…
Unfortunately, my January 2006 limerick, George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool, remains valid. But that certainly won’t prevent me from writing another one:
Bush Growls; Dems Kowtow
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Dems disappoint us again,
Backing Bush in his eavesdropping yen.
We need Dems to defend us
From Bush bills horrendous.
When will Dems turn from mice into men?
And now it’s time for a new poll, though my Bush impeachment poll remains open for business:
(You can find lots of my privacy, technology, and computer humor columns, song parodies and verse here.) [tags]Democratic Cowards, Bush Eavesdropping, Eavesdropping Poll, Bush Spying, Gonzales Eavesdropping[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the George Bush Satire category.
