Archive for the ‘Feminism Humor’ Category

This Spam’s An Abortion

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

I never thought I’d say this, but spam can be enlightening.

I’m referring to a recent spam flurry promoting home abortion kits. And we have Republicans to thank for this disturbing trend. After all, newly empowered Republicans have been targeting abortion rights in a big way. And at the state level they’ve been very successful at severely limiting women’s reproductive rights.

Who knew that when Republicans claimed to be pro-small business, they were talking about abortion kit scam artists?

That brings me to my latest limerick:

This Spam’s An Abortion
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new (to me) flavor of scam
Came by email for gals in a jam.
Yes, a legal cascade
Against Roe versus Wade
Has inspired abortion kit spam.

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell?

Monday, May 9th, 2011

By now you’ve surely heard that the Brooklyn-based Hasidic newspaper Der Tzitung “disappeared” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and another woman from the iconic White House Situation Room photo, taken while the Osama bin Laden attack was going down:

The original photo, taken as the raid was occurring, famously shows Clinton in the center of the room, with her hand over her mouth. But the newspaper Der Tzitung, described by the Jewish Week as “ultra-Orthodox,” has a policy of never printing photos of women in its pages because it thinks they could be sexually suggestive. Thus, Clinton and counterterrorism director Audrey Tomason, who was seen standing at the back of the room, were removed from the picture.

In a non-apology apology, Der Tzitung said in part:

In accord with our religious beliefs, we do not publish photos of women, which in no way relegates them to a lower status. Publishing a newspaper is a big responsibility, and our policies are guided by a Rabbinical Board. Because of laws of modesty, we are not allowed to publish pictures of women, and we regret if this gives an impression of disparaging to women, which is certainly never our intention. We apologize if this was seen as offensive.

Some people may find the following limerick to be offensive. And to them I say, too damn bad!

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What a shame that some men are so weak,
They can’t handle so much as a peek
Of a Hillary pic.
Seems they fear that their dick
Can’t withstand her alluring physique.

UPDATE: A very funny take on this same topic.

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Monday, October 11th, 2010

Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christine, so I see that your pitch
Is to claim that you aren’t a witch.
It’s not witches I mind,
But your viewpoints unkind:
Anti-gay! Anti-feminist! Bitch!

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

When it comes to sexism posing as a compliment, I try to cut Harry Reid’s generation some slack. But Senator Reid really ought to know better:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had an unusual form of praise for New York’s junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, this morning at the fundraiser Mayor Bloomberg hosted for him at his townhouse – referring to her as “the hottest member” as she sat just a few feet away, according to three sources.

The comment prompted Gillibrand to turn red, according to the sources, and created a bit of stir among the small crowd there.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kirsten Gillibrand’s hot says Sen. Reid —
The Sen’s “hottest member,” indeed.
Now I know Harry’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But that “compliment’s” sexist. Take heed.

Here’s more on subtle sexism, including my Gender At Work essay. (Gender at Work, under the name My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of college textbooks by Gary Goshgarian: The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.)

Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has “embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.” Moreover, unlike “most women” she doesn’t cross her legs when she’s sitting.

Yes, Washington Post columnist Robin Ghivan is at it again with her sexist political fashion drivel. (I still haven’t recovered from Ghivan’s column about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage.)

Well here’s a news flash for Ms. Ghivan: Any grown woman with half a brain knows that crossing your legs is both uncomfortable and unhealthy. But hey, if you want varicose veins go right ahead.

Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you care about good circulation
And prefer that your feet have sensation,
Then you don’t cross your legs.
Givhan’s column’s the dregs.
Sexist nonsense is Robin’s fixation.

Religion Hits Bottoms

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Have you heard about the Bible-based Christian S & M cult? Of course, CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline) doesn’t consider itself an S & M cult, but it sure as hell sounds like one:

Just when I think I have seen it all, I stumble upon something called Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage, a rising trend in conservative Christian households. A CDD marriage, for the uninitiated, is “marriage is one in which one partner is given authority over the other, and has the means to back up that authority, usually by spanking.” And, of course, that one partner with authority is always the man…

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Religion Hits Bottoms
By Madeleine Begun Kane

CDD is an odd Christian fad
For punishing wives when they’re “bad.”
Is it weird? Just a smidgeon.
They call this religion:
Spousal ass spanking. Gals, you’ve been had.

Related Post:
I Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee

A Play About Vibrators?

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Every so often, I review a Broadway play on my other blog. My latest is a very enthusiastic review of Sarah Ruhl’s In the Next Room or the vibrator play. If you live in New York City or plan to be there in the next couple of months, I highly recommend it, especially if you’re a feminist.

Do I need to add that Ruhl’s play inspired a limerick?

Stewing Over Stupak

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn’t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It’s the Hyde Amendment on steroids.

I’ve never been a third party-proponent. But Stupak’s inclusion in the House bill shows such disregard and disdain for women’s reproductive rights, that a progressive, pro-choice third party is starting to sound very attractive.

I suppose I must rise out of my Stupak stupor and write a limerick:

Stewing Over Stupak
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Blue Dogs by using extortion
Have effectively outlawed abortion:
Turned the health reform bill
Into “pro-lifer” swill.
Must reverse this, or Democrats’ corps shun.

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”

Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.

I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.

Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)

Ode To The White House Fashion Police

Friday, August 21st, 2009

The White House fashion police are at it again: First Lady Michelle Obama was caught wearing shorts on her way to a Grand Canyon vacation! The horror!

Ode To The White House Fashion Police (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Once again I just can’t help but frown
At the journalists going to town:
“The First Lady wore shorts,”
Blare the breathless reports.
Please Michelle, when you hike wear a gown.

Related Post: Dear Maureen Dowd, I Don’t Like Your Tone

Our Liberal Media (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

Steve Benen points out the contrast between the coverage of two abortion-related polls:

In mid-May, Gallup released a poll that found 51% of Americans calling themselves “pro-life” and 42% “pro-choice.” It was the first time a majority of U.S. adults had identified themselves as pro-life since Gallup began asking the question. Last week, however, Gallup released a follow-up poll showing the pro-life lead evaporating, dropping from nine points to one, 47% to 46%.

The first poll got tons of coverage, while the second was largely ignored:

So, to review, Gallup results showing strong “pro-life” numbers are a huge story, even though the results were dubious. Gallup results showing weaker “pro-life” numbers are a non-story, even though the results made sense.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Our Liberal Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pro-lifer numbers are higher
Touted journos, their keyboards afire.
So why don’t they mention
The numbers’ descension?
So much for our liberal choir.

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Sarcastic air-quotes around “health” in “health of the mother”? Who the hell uses sarcastic air-quotes anymore … let alone when referring to women’s health? Big mistake, Senator McCain!

Which reminds me — during last night’s debate I had a revelation about the gravitas-test versus the guy-you’d-enjoy-having-a-beer-with-test.  In this year’s election, gravitas-guy (Obama)  is also the fellow I’d enjoy having a beer with … if only I liked beer:

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many voters ask:  Whose views are best,
As opposed to the drinking-pal test.
But whichever the measure,
Obama’s my pleasure.
McCain?  He’s a cranky old pest.

Sarah Who???

Saturday, August 30th, 2008

Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake.

But hey, I’m a female.  So I guess I have to vote for whats-her-name, right?  After all, the only reason I was backing Hillary is cuz we’re both female. So naturally, now that Obama’s chosen Biden as his running mate, I must vote for a woman who STANDS FOR EVERYTHING I DESPISE:

Sarah Who???
By Madeleine  Begun Kane

Dear Johnny, I can not conceive
What could possibly make you believe
That your anti-choice pick
Could possibly click
With us Hillary-gals.  How naive!

You must think that we women are sheep,
Who would swoon at a female for Veep.
But a right-wingnut gal
Who’d control our canal?
Oh, that hole that you’re digging is deep.

Yes, your pick has a beautiful face
And she’ll help you to shore up your base.
But she’s wrong to the core
And (like you) she’s just more
Of Bush/Cheney … with feminine grace.

UPDATE: I’m very pleased that my Robert Benchley Society Humor Award has generated a fair amount of publicity. This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.[tags]Sarah Palin, John McCain Humor, Palin Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Hillary Clinton Verse, Biden Nomination, Obama Poem, Feminist Humor, Gender Satire[/tags]

Kristol-izing Feminism

Sunday, August 24th, 2008

So Bill Kristol’s a feminist.  Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep.

I’m touched.  Aren’t you?

Kristol-izing Feminism (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bill Kristol is outraged that Hill
Ain’t the Democrats’ Veep pick. Dear Bill,
Your concern about gender
Would strike me as tender
If phonies did not make me ill.

Is Olbermann Turning Into O’Reilly?

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

Is it just me?  Or is Keith Olbermann turning into Bill O’Reilly?

The bombastic commentary.  The narcissism.  And, of course, the misogyny.

I’d thought that once Obama clinched the Democratic nomination, it would be safe to start watching Countdown again.  Without Keith’s daily anti-Hillary target practice, I might even be able to watch it without cringing.

Wrong!

Keith’s bloviating “Worst Person in the World” anti-Katie Couric tirade was almost enough to make me turn to Bill O’Reilly. Talk about desperate!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Is Olbermann Turning Into O’Reilly? 
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the past I cheered Olbermann’s rants—
Loved his anti-war, anti-Bush stance.
But misogynous bluster
Is all he can muster
In Olbermann’s mirror-romance.

Obama’s Words – A Textbook Case Of Subtle Sexism

Sunday, February 17th, 2008

Some recent Barack Obama comments reminded me of a personal essay on subtle sexism I wrote way back in 1990.  And while that might sound like ancient history, my essay, published under various titles including Gender At Work and My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of current (2008) textbooks by Gary Goshgarian:  The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.

In his introduction to my essay, Northeastern University English Professor Goshgarian observes:

Women may seem to have made tremendous progress professionally and academically, but they are held back by indirect sexist comments and attitudes. They are caught in a catch-22.  If they react against these seemingly small slights, they appear to be overreacting or too sensitive. But to let them pass may signal that such comments are somehow acceptable.  In the next essay, humorist and self-described “recovering lawyer” Madeleine Begun Kane holds that subtle sexism maintains gender differences.

And that brings me to this subtly sexist Obama comment, made in response to Hillary Clinton attacks:

You challenge the status quo and suddenly the claws come out.

And to this even more offensive line:

I understand that Senator Clinton, periodically when she’s feeling down, launches attacks as a way of trying to boost her appeal.

“Claws come out?” “Periodically?”  “Feeling down?” These words are more subtle than the B-word, I suppose. But they are sexist, nonetheless. 

So where’s the blogger outrage over Obama’s sexism?  Lots of luck finding it among the A-list bloggers — the male ones, at least. They have a much better time of it interpreting everything the Clinton team does as racist. 

Sure, there’s some great commentary about Obama’s sexism over at Taylor Marsh’s blog and at Talk Left. But in the main, Obama’s getting a gender bias-pass.

Meanwhile, many educated young women, who apparently take the accomplishments of feminism for granted, are supporting Obama’s candidacy over Hillary Clinton.

You know what those young women could use?  A good gender studies course.  Because sexism, after all, isn’t ancient history.

(For the lighter side of gender issues, you can find my feminist humor here.)

I Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee

Saturday, December 15th, 2007

How lovely! In addition to Huckabee’s other “charming” attributes, he’s a “wives should graciously submit to their husbands” aficionado.

In June 1998, the Southern Baptist convention amended its official statement of beliefs for the first time in 35 years to declare that “a wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.” And Huckabee, a former Southern Baptist minister then serving as governor of Arkansas, signed a full-page ad in USA Today in support of the statement (along with 129 other evangelical leaders).

Back in 1998 I parodied this brouhaha in a satirical piece, which Bridge News syndicated to a bunch of newspapers, including the Houston Chronicle. Oddly enough, it was initially bumped by Bridge, as too controversial.  Then, after some heated discussion, it was unbumped. Here it is:

Religious Fervor, Or Fever?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hey, Madeleine,” my husband Mark recently said. “How would you like to convert?”

“What?” I said, immediately suspicious.

“We’ve been Jewish for a whole lotta years,” Mark said. “I thought it might be time for a change.”

“Did you have any particular religion in mind?”

“Well, they all have their good points. But I was leaning towards Baptist.”

Mark’s suggestion took me by surprise, After all, he’s a reasonably religious man, and I’m a devout member of a tiny Jewish sect known as “So Reform You Don’t Even Have To Show Up.”

I tried to stall by offering to take his conversion idea “under advisement.” I figure this approach works for judges; why shouldn’t it work for me? And it’s served me well throughout our marriage — I’ve had his suggestion that we go white water rafting under advisement for a dozen years.

But this time Mark refused to take “under advisement” for an answer. “If you were a good wife, you’d graciously submit and convert. And you’d do it right away.”

“Do you have a fever?” I asked, becoming seriously concerned. “Maybe we should get you to a doctor.”

“Oh forget it,” Mark said.

At least I think that’s what he said. He’s hard to understand with a thermometer in his mouth.

But he was a healthy 98.6, so I couldn’t blame his odd behavior on a fever.

Puzzled, and remembering that I’m supposed to be a journalist, I decided to investigate.

“Has your husband been acting strange lately?” I asked several friends.

“You mean more than usual?” three responded. The fourth demanded to know if I was wearing a wire.

These women were tough. But by using interrogation techniques I learned in Humor High, I finally pieced together the terrifying truth: My husband, my friends’ husbands, and countless others had succumbed to the influence of an evangelical group that preys on men who married feminists and who for years have been pretending not to mind.

I was stunned and bewildered. How could this happen? Could I have done something to prevent it? Was there some warning sign I missed?

Come to think of it, Mark had been acting strange lately. Out of the blue, he began opening doors for me and refused to let me carry anything that weighed more than a pound. And twice, in what I foolishly assumed was a playful imitation of Alexander Haig, he said “I’m in charge here.”

Worst of all, when I criticized President Clinton, he said, “Don’t bother your pretty little head about that. Foreign policy is my domain.”

Mark’s under treatment now, and I’m guardedly optimistic. He hasn’t mentioned converting in a week. And once, when he was carrying several clumsy packages, he even let me open the door.

But his recovery is slow with frequent relapses. Yesterday he ordered me to quit my job and stay home with the kids.

When he’s better, I’ll have to remind him — we don’t have any kids.

(Crooks and Liars has more.)

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns

Friday, September 28th, 2007

I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls.

Firearms shops in the US are stocking pink rifles and shotguns to encourage girls to get into shooting. …

They include a Remington 20-gauge shotgun with a pink and black stock emblazoned with the slogan: “Shoot like a girl if you can!” …

“Females want to shoot guns, but they want them to look pretty, too,” he said. “Guys could give a rat’s butt what their gun looks like.”

I think it’s time to take aim at those guns with a limerick:

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like your young daughter to shoot?
Simply buy her a shotgun that’s cute.
But be sure that it’s pink.
It’s so pretty, she’ll think.
Breeding killers—a stylish pursuit.

(You can find more of my feminist humor here, my family humor here, and my outdoor sports humor here.)