Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category

Huntsman Changes His Climate Change Tune (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

Once upon a time, way back in August 2011, Jon Huntsman was a voice of sanity on climate change. He even tweeted, “To be clear, I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy.”

But I suppose desperate poll numbers make for pathetic pandering.

In a move that’s sure to endear him to the conservatives who are starting to warm up to the former Utah governor, Huntsman said Tuesday under questioning from TPM that he now believes there’s “more debate yet to play out” before we can be sure climate change is really happening.

Huntsman Changes His Climate Change Tune (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Huntsman’s climate-change views once were sane.
But no more — he’s tossed truth down the drain.
Now he wants “more debate.”
Yes he’s flip-flopped to rate.
He’s debased — deep in Romney terrain.

“Newtering” Mitt (Limerick)

Monday, December 5th, 2011

No matter which Republican candidate fades or drops out, the poll numbers beneficiary always seems to be Not-Mitt:

In the first national public opinion poll on the GOP presidential candidate contest since Herman Cain suspended his campaign Saturday, our survey finds frontrunner Newt Gingrich with a 14% lead over his closest challenger, Mitt Romney.

“Newtering” Mitt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m beginning to feel Romney’s pain:
Cain’s loss is Newt Gingrich’s gain.
Though opponents may fade,
Romney just can’t persuade
Their supporters to back his domain.

Herman Cain’s Gone, But The Mockery Carries On (Limerick)

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

Herman Cain’s Gone, But The Mockery Carries On (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Herman Cain has dropped out of contention
With his primary contest suspension.
But there’s plenty to mock:
Perry’s gaffes and Mitt’s shock
At the cocky Newt Gingrich ascension.

Limerick Ode To Newt “The Thinker” Gingrich

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

New York Magazine’s Dana Amira has the numerical dirt on something that’s annoyed me for decades: Newt Gingrich’s over-use of pretentious words like profoundly, deeply, frankly, and fundamentally.

Limerick Ode To Newt “The Thinker” Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Frankly speaking, Newt likes to amass
Pompous adverbs to give himself class.
He feigns gravitas soundly
With deeply, profoundly.
Fundamentally, Newt is an ass.

Cain’s Grandstanding Demands (Limerick)

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

I have to laugh at Herman Cain’s audacious demand for the phone records of extra-marital affair accuser Ginger White.

I presume this is just grandstanding. Because Cain’s lawyer, Lin Wood, surely knows that he has no right to those records, except in the course of litigation discovery. In other words, no lawsuit — no phone record fishing expedition.

Cain’s Grandstanding Demands (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So did Cain break his marital vow?
He’s demanding the phone records now
Of the gal who accused him.
She ought to refuse him:
No lawsuit? No right! Disallow!

Limerick Ode To Gaffe-Prone Perry

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

In Rick Perry’s apparent drive to make George W. Bush look like a genius, Perry’s been entertainingly gaffe-prone this week. While campaigning in New Hampshire, Perry managed to screw up both the voting eligibility age and the date of Election Day 2012. The next day, Perry dismissed these errors as proving he was human. He went on to further prove his humanness with a reference to New Hampshire’s non-existent caucuses.

Limerick Ode To Gaffe-Prone Perry
By Madeleine Begun

Dear Rick, I don’t wish to be mean,
But the age one can vote is eighteen.
Where’d you get twenty-one?
And Election Day, hon,
Is the 6th, as most pre-teens could glean.

We Don’t Want Newt-Education (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

Newt Gingrich is threatening … I mean, promising, to teach a free online course if he becomes president. But Kennesaw State College students still haven’t recovered from his fact-challenged 1990s course “Renewing American Civilization.”

We Don’t Want Newt-Education (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The “history prof” known as Newt
Taught a course that was really a beaut:
Filled with “facts” that are fiction,
Misleading depiction
Of life from an overstuffed suit.

Quotable Cain “Limerick”

Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

Here’s my new favorite Republican candidate quote, courtesy of Herman Cain:

“President Obama called for the removal of Gaddafi. Just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say, yes I agree, I know I didn’t agree. I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason — no, that’s a different one. I gotta go back to… Got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Specifically, what are you asking me, did I agree or not disagree with on what?”

Quotable Cain (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Herman Cain’s prez campaign isn’t sterling
Cuz stuff in his head keeps on “twirling.”
He’s learned lessons quite tough:
9-9-9 ain’t enough
When harassment accusals are whirling.

Limerick Ode To Herman “Straight Talker” Cain

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

Why Is Mitt Romney smiling? Because Herman Cain keeps revising his version of the sexual harassment accusations, which date back to his time with the National Restaurant Association.

Limerick Ode To Herman “Straight Talker” Cain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney must surely be grinning
Cuz Cain’s having great problems spinning
Some old allegations:
Cain’s changed explanations
Are raising Mitt’s chances of winning.

Yet Another Rick Perry Limerick

Friday, October 28th, 2011

Rick Perry’s apparent solution to his inability to debate seems to be: Avoid debates!

Yet Another Rick Perry Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A message from Perry’s team states
He might skip the remaining debates.
Stay in hiding and pout
When you can’t win a bout?
More cratering poll news awaits.

Limerick Ode to Clueless Rick Perry

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

Poor Rick Perry is having a rough time. First, he’s forced to walk back his pro-Birther “I don’t have a clue about … what his birth certificate says” comments. Next, he’s reduced to silence on Fox Business when told he sounds “like one of those Occupy Wall Streeters.”

Limerick Ode To Clueless Rick Perry
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Perry’s not-a-clue line caused ado.
Anti-Birthers are starting to stew.
But in Perry’s behalf,
It’s not really a gaffe
Cuz it’s true: Perry hasn’t a clue.

Limerick Ode To Villainous Mitch McConnell

Monday, October 24th, 2011

Republicans have repeatedly blocked proposals they actually support, in order to gain political advantage over Obama. This is no surprise, in light of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s stated priorities: He bragged that making Obama a one-term president was his number one goal.

But McConnell now denies putting politics over the good of the country, claiming there’s no “villain out there who’s keeping this administration from succeeding.”

Limerick Ode To Villainous Mitch McConnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitch McConnell denies there’s a villain
That on purpose engages in killin’
The President’s plans,
After promising fans
Such destruction, a vow he’s fulfillin’.

Eight 4-Liners For The Republican Contenders

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

It’s time for some more political clerihews — whimsically biographical four-line poems, described more fully here.

I’ve written one for each of the would-be presidents who appeared at last night’s Republican debate:

Mass. Governor Mitt,
A job cutting hit.
He flips and he flops,
As positions he swaps.

*****

Herman “9-9-9” Cain:
(Romney hopes he’ll wane)
Though many think he rocks,
He belongs on Fox.

*****

James Richard Perry:
Is he bright? Not very.
A lousy debater—
Called Bernanke a traitor.

*****

Unhinged Michele
Is sinking pell-mell.
Even crazier than Palin—
Just what is she inhalin’?

*****

Former Speaker Newt,
A pompous beaut.
Purports to be intellectual,
At selling books effectual.

*****

Rick Santorum
Seems lost in this forum.
He’s none too calm
Over his Google Bomb.

*****

Libertarian Ron Paul
Is having a ball.
Doesn’t stand a chance.
But enjoys the dance.

*****

Jon Huntsman jokes
But can not coax
Any support for his reign.
He’s way too sane.

*****

Limerick Ode To Herman Cain

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Herman Cain was interviewed by CBN’s David Brody and uttered this priceless quote regarding his readiness for “gotcha questions:”

“When they ask me who’s the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say you know, I don’t know. Do you know? And then I’m going to say how’s that going to create one job?”

Limerick Ode To Herman Cain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Herman Cain has an answer he’ll lob
At the press in a weave and a bob:
When he’s gotcha-ness leery
He’ll sneer at the query,
“How’s that going to create one job?”

Limerick Ode To the GOP

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

Wow! President Obama is a closet limerick writer! Check out this poem “rescued” from the Oval Office trash:

Limerick Ode To the GOP By Barack Obama
“Rescued” By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, thanks for your slate
Of possible pols to debate.
I’ve been worried as hell.
Now you’ve made my hopes swell,
Cuz my years here may well grow to eight.

Naked Campaigning (Limerick)

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

Some folks are offended by Scott Brown’s “Thank God” retort to Elizabeth Warren’s she kept her clothes on joke. But this feminist isn’t.

I think Elizabeth Warren is great, but in response to a debate question, she did make a mild nudity joke at Scott Brown’s expense. So in that context, I just didn’t find Brown’s remark especially outrageous.

But that won’t prevent me from mocking Scott Brown in this limerick:

Naked Campaigning
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Brown nakedly showed us his tude,
As his race for the Senate debuted:
Vote for me and not Warren—
She’s Harvardly foreign.
And I’m cuter than Liz in the nude.

Humorists Bid Sad Goodbye To Sarah Palin (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

The verdict is in: Sarah Palin isn’t running for president.

Humorists Bid Sad Goodbye To Sarah (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sarah Palin ain’t running. Boohoo!
Just what is this jester to do?
Palin’s precious to mock—
With her gone, must take stock:
Are there mockable pols left? A slew!

Pressing The Press On Voter Suppression (Limerick)

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Steve Benen has written an excellent post about the underreported voter suppression scandal:

Under the auspices of rooting out “voter fraud” — a problem that appears to exist largely in the over-active imaginations of GOP activists — Republicans are passing voter-ID measures, closing windows for early voting, and approving new laws restricting voter-registration drives, all targeting specific kinds of voters who happen to be traditional Democratic supporters.

And the Brennan Center For Justice has produced a frightening study of these “radical” voting law changes.

Now if only the media would take some time out from its hefty will-he-or-won’t-he Christie coverage, to report on this important issue.

Pressing The Press On Voter Suppression (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP war on our voting
Is a problem the press isn’t noting.
Unfair laws will suppress
Dem votes with finesse,
The Republican prospects promoting.

The Crass Chris Christie Craze (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

The Republican powers-that-be never liked Mitt Romney. And they’re beginning to panic over Rick Perry’s abysmal debate performances. So they’re back to wooing the obnoxious New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, despite his lengthy list of flaws:

The Crass Chris Christie Craze (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some powerful GOP men
Are wooing Chris Christie again.
So why do these guys
Think a Chris-run is wise?
They’ve contracted a nasty-man yen.

Wooing The Donald (Limerick)

Monday, September 26th, 2011

Just when you thought they couldn’t stoop any lower, Republican presidential wannabes like Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann are lining up to kiss Donald Trump’s … uh … ring. After all, nothing says presidential like a Donald Trump endorsement.

Wooing The Donald (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans hope for a bump
In their polls if endorsed by Don Trump.
Here’s a warning for those
Who are kissing his toes:
Self-promotion’s “Goal 1” for that grump.