The GOP Pitch (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans made a huge mess.
Dems’ fixes they’ve tried to suppress.
Yet Republicans crow:
“The recovery’s slow.
Dump Obama. We’ve earned that address.”
Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category
Limerick Ode To Yet Another Romney Phony
Wednesday, April 18th, 2012Remember the overblown Hilary Rosen stay-at-home moms controversy? We now know that Ann Romney was just pretending to feel victimized by Rosen’s remarks:
Ann Romney, the wife of GOP front-runner Mitt Romney, told supporters at a private fundraising event on Sunday that last week’s Hilary Rosen controversy was an “early birthday present.”
“It was my early birthday present for someone to be critical of me as a mother,” she said. “That was a really defining moment, and I loved it.”
Yes, to quote Maureen Dowd, Ann Romney “was feigning aggrievement to milk the moment.”
It’s important when you act the martyr not to overplay your hand. If you admit out loud to a bunch of people — including Haake, who was on the sidewalk enterprisingly eavesdropping — that you’re just pretending to be offended, you risk looking phony, like your husband.
Limerick Ode To Yet Another Romney Phony
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Ann, when pretending you’re hurt
By an “insult” it’s best not to blurt
That the “diss” was a gift—
That you’re not really miffed,
Lest you swiftly your image subvert.
Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 10th, 2012Rick Santorum, having apparently read Pennsylvania’s tea leaves, exited the 2012 presidential race. Did Mitt Romney promise him something? Or is Santorum simply avoiding another home state debacle, so as to preserve his shot at Election 2016? I vote for the latter.
Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rick Santorum’s bowed out of the race.
It appears that the man could not face
The risk that he’d lose
His home state. Best refuse
To continue, avoiding disgrace.
Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012Mitt Romney has big plans to “eliminate government programs and shutter cabinet agencies.” Which ones are on his dump-list? He refuses to say, responding, with a warped sort of honesty, that providing specifics could cost him the election.
Or as Jonathan Chait amusingly puts it: “One of the things I have found in previous elections is that announcing my plans makes people want to vote against me!”
Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are agencies Mitt doesn’t like
And programs he’s planning to spike.
But he won’t tell us which
He’s intending to ditch.
You want pre-voting facts? Take a hike.
No Photo Finish For Newt … Just Photos
Tuesday, March 27th, 2012This news made me laugh: “Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s campaign tacked on a new fundraising effort Monday, charging supporters $50 a pop for anyone who wants a photo with the former House speaker.”
No Photo Finish For Newt … Just Photos
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The latest Newt news is a beaut:
You must pay for a photo with Newt —
Fifty dollars per pic.
Here’s a fund raising trick:
I’d pay more not to pose with that brute.
Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate
Wednesday, March 21st, 2012When you represent a candidate who’s famed for his pandering opinion changes, it might be best to eliminate “Etch-a-Sketch” from your vocabulary:
Instead of rejoicing in what looks to be the beginning of the end of the Republican presidential race, however, Romney and his team are on the defensive over an Etch-a-Sketch. Yes, an Etch-a-Sketch.
Erik Fehrnstrom, one of Romney’s top aides, made the unfortunate comparison between his candidate and the child’s toy during a television interview on CNN on Wednesday morning.
“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign,” said Fehrnstrom. “Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-a-Sketch – you can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”
Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Romney’s policy viewpoints are fleeting.
They’re not helping him? Watch his retreating.
First he’s for, then agin,
As his mouthpieces spin.
Mitt needs Etch-a-Sketch-YouTube deleting.
A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans
Saturday, March 10th, 2012I can’t imagine that you Southern Republicans are falling for Mitt Romney’s grits-liking pander. But here’s a limerick, just in case any of you think “unofficial Southerner” Romney is being sincere with “y’all.”
A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Romney’s playing an “out of town game,”
By pretending that he’s just the same
As you Southern state folks.
He likes grits? What a hoax,
With duping “y’all” voters his aim.
Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary
Thursday, March 8th, 2012Rick Santorum’s campaign is stunningly inept in its failure to qualify for sundry ballots.
Yes, I know that Santorum’s campaign is woefully under-funded. And that he never expected to get this far. But at some point, I can’t help wondering whether Santorum is using the faith-based method of ballot qualification.
Of course all this begs the question: Why the heck can’t Mitt Romney finish him off?
Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rick Santorum’s campaign is inept,
Under-funded, abysmally prepped.
Yet the contest is split:
Hairline wins made by Mitt
Where the Gov should have easily swept.
What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2012What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt Romney would love all this over:
Nomination sewn up, in like clover,
All primed for a fight
To be Prez with the right
To ride Limo One topped with Rover.
Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday
Tuesday, March 6th, 2012Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Super Tuesday’s arrived at long last.
Will Mitt’s wins be decisively vast?
Will his delegate count
Impressively mount,
Thereby ending the press fun too fast?
Poor Mitt (Limerick)
Monday, March 5th, 2012I’m starting to think Ann Romney doesn’t want to be First Lady. Why else would someone with a family net worth of $250 million make stupidly transparent remarks like this?
“We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing, it can be here today and gone tomorrow.”
Poor Mitt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Mitt, you should tell your wife, Ann,
To stop trying to help out her man.
For your cause, it ain’t healthy
To claim you ain’t wealthy:
Ann’s not feeling rich doesn’t scan.
Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012Did you know that higher education is snobbish and elitist? And that it causes liberal indoctrination? That’s the message we’ve been getting lately from Republicans like Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. They each have a trio of college degrees … but hey, who’s counting? In fact, why even bother learning to count?
Yes, indeed, there’s a Republican war on college education:
First came Mitt Romney’s dismissive remarks about President Obama’s “faculty lounge” pals. Now Rick Santorum is calling Obama snobby for urging people to go to college – and defending that view in a series of TV appearances.
Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Don’t bother your miniscule head
With college — don’t need higher ed.”
That’s the Rick and Mitt screed,
Though they’re multi-degreed.
Informed-voters — yes, that’s what they dread.
Limerick Ode To Mitt “Man Of The People” Romney
Monday, February 27th, 2012Limerick Ode To Mitt “Man Of The People” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Romney, your essence is “rich.”
Your attempts to “relate” are a stitch.
So nobody buys
Your fake empathy tries.
It seems playacting isn’t your niche.
Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note
Monday, February 27th, 2012Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Mitt, I’m enjoying your height.
Not too tall. Not too short. You’re just right.
And I also adore
That your cars number “four.”
Please forgive me for being so trite.
Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
Saturday, February 25th, 2012Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I confess I became rather tearful
At Newt’s self-description as “cheerful.”
These were not tears of sadness,
But rather of gladness:
Cuz the “Newt Show” ain’t done. (I’d been fearful.)
Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
Friday, February 24th, 2012Imagine giving a speech in a stadium meant to hold 65,000 people. Now imagine only 1,200 people showing up.
If you want to see what that looks like, check out this photo of Mitt Romney’s speech in Detroit’s Ford Stadium.
Mitt Romney is holding an event at Ford Stadium which has failed to attract enough people to come even close to filling it up (in fact, you could fit Romney’s 1,200 person crowd in the 65,000-seat stadium 54 times over).
Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Just twelve-hundred folks in a place
Meant for sixty-five-thousand. Bare space!
That’s Mitt in Detroit:
Romney’s team ain’t adroit,
And poor Mitt has a very small base.
