Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)

Saturday, December 27th, 2014

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I savored my marvelous break
From political venom — each snake
Of a pol now defanged,
And no one harangued.
At the time, though, I wasn’t awake.

Note: This limerick started out as haiku, inspired by the Twitter prompt word “venom.” But just as I was about to post it, I noticed I’d placed the word “break” (which has tons of rhyme words) at the end of line one. And it occurred to me to try to turn it into a limerick. Of course, as soon as the rhyme word “awake” hit me, I had my last line. So NOT writing a limerick would have been criminal.

Here’s my original haiku:

Imagine a break
from political venom–
puffed up pols defanged.

***

Here’s this year’s excellent roundup of some of the best posts from liberal blogs, chosen by the bloggers themselves.

#jonswift2014

The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.

Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”

For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.

Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”

To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.

Election Reflections (Limerick and Haiku)

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

Election Reflections (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our nation’s elections have ended
With results rather distant from splendid.
As Republicans cheer,
I won’t cry in my beer;
I’ll need gin for our nightmare extended.

***** Sundry Post-Election Haiku *****

Dreadful election
has killed my sense of humor,
so stuck with haiku.

Election’s over–
my worst fears are realized.
Say bye to Senate.

Dems disempowered,
Republicans emboldened.
Brace for impeachment.

Election wipeout–
Americans even more
stupid than I thought.

“Was the election
a Clinton epic failure?”
Latest lame headline.

Sense of humor gone;
If you have held on to yours,
may I borrow it?

***** Post-Election Tanka *****

Watching the returns,
I memorized who won what,
but taxing my mind
proved to be unwarranted–
The Republican guys won.

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My goal is political mockery,
Poking fun at election-time squawkery.
But the polls are so bad
And the news is so sad,
That all I can do is throw crockery.

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear pollsters, you’re going to town
With predictions that force me to frown.
Each projection I hear
Feeds dejection. I fear
Evil clowns will be taking us down.

How I yearn for a spark that gives hope
And will somehow allow me to cope
With our national news
And the venom that spews.
Until then, I’ll continue to mope.

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Charlotte, I hope you’re prepared
For attacks, because war’s been declared.
Though you just got your name,
You’re a Clinton — fair game!
Newborn Hillary-heirs won’t be spared.

Limerick Ode To “Poor” Eric Cantor

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

How’s this for a non-shocker: Ousted House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) is headed to Wall Street. Cantor is “joining investment bank Moelis & Co. as vice chairman and managing director” and “stands to earn $3.4 million in cash and stocks as a signing bonus, with $1.2 million guaranteed in just his first year.”

Limerick Ode To “Poor” Eric Cantor
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though he lost to a Tea Party ranter,
Please feel free to stop weeping for Cantor,
Cuz he’s striking it rich.
Ain’t his life just a bitch?
Wall Street moolah is quite the enchanter.

Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 27th, 2014

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, formerly a Common Core enthusiast, now claims that the U.S. Education Department’s initiative is an Obama “power-grab.” He’s even suing the federal government, in an appeal to wingnutty Tenthers.

Ka-ching!

Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bobby Jindal has filed a fed suit
To get Common Core given the boot:
Obama, claims Bob,
Did a power-grab job:
A prez wannabe, raising some loot.

Golf Wars (Limerick)

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

As a devout liberal, I’ve been pretty disappointed in Obama’s presidency. But the constant complaints about his letting off steam via golf are absurd.

To those who claim Obama’s too indifferent to public opinion, think about this: When no matter what you do you’re under constant (often nonsensical) attack, you might as well do what you want.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the horror we’re embroiled in right now is a direct (or indirect) result of the war of choice in Iraq that George W. Bush (Mr. Vacation himself) lied us into.

Golf Wars (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When Obama goes golfing, the press
And the pols say the world’s in a mess,
So the prez should not play.
But they’ll bitch come what may.
So he might as well drive off some stress.

Limerick Ode To “Awesome” Rick Perry

Wednesday, August 13th, 2014

Although Texas Governor Rick Perry hasn’t announced yet, it’s pretty clear that he’s planning to run for the GOP presidential nomination. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to some more juicy “oops” moments.

Amusing bits like this will probably be the least of it:

Perry seemed pumped up after his enthusiastic, heckle-free reception at the Register’s Soapbox. When the Register’s moderator thanked him as he came off the stage, Perry said: “You’re welcome. I’m awesome!”

Limerick Ode To “Awesome” Rick Perry
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“You’re welcome. I’m awesome!” said Perry.
Oops, was Perry pumped up? I’d say, “Very!”
Seems another prez run
By that man will be fun.
No debate, Rick will help us make merry.

Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

This could very well be the silliest limerick I’ve ever written. But when the focal point of a political ad appears to be a horse with a huge penis, I can’t help myself. And if you don’t know what I’m referring to, you simply must take a gander at Gary Kiehne and his well-hung horse.

Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a horse who was mad
Cuz his penis was used in an ad.
“How dare you imply
I’m endorsing that guy!
Scratch my likeness. That candidate’s bad!”

Open Limerick To Rand Paul Poetry Critics

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

The press is having a grand old time making fun of Rand Paul’s “bad limerick” about Mitch McConnell’s Democratic Party challenger, Alison Lundergan Grimes.

The problem is, Rand Paul’s verse isn’t close enough to limerick form to even qualify as a bad limerick. At best, it’s bad doggerel. Here’s what I’m talking about:

There once was a woman from Kentucky,
Who thought in politics she’d be lucky.
So she flew to L.A.
For a Hollywood bash,
She came home in a flash
With buckets of cash.

Sorry, but to call Rand Paul’s mishegas a “bad limerick” defames my beloved limerick form.

Open Limerick To Rand Paul Poetry Critics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rand Paul deserves plenty of blame
For his doggerel terribly lame.
Yes his Grimes verse is bad,
But the press makes me mad
When they call it a lim’rick. For shame!

While a limerick often does start
With “there once was a…” please have a heart.
There are rules to this form.
Five strict lines are the norm.
And to jump to conclusions ain’t smart.

It isn’t a lim’rick at all.
Those who call it a bad one, appall.
They have lim’ricks maligned,
And I really do mind.
Hence my three-verser limerick squall.

Double Dactyl For Eric Cantor

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Eric Cantor gave his House farewell address today. And that gives me all the excuse I need to post this non-limerick of mine, which I entered in the Style Invitational’s recent double dactyl contest:

Beaterdy Featerdy,
GOP Leader E.
Cantor’s unseated and
Out of a job.

Pundits are shocked by his
Unceremonious
Ouster by Brat of the
Tea Party mob.

If you’re not familiar with the double dactyl, I summarize their rules here.

And, by the way, I lost. You can find the winners’ list here.

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner appears to be riled.
Dem impeachment talk’s driving him wild:
How dare Dems boost their brand
When impeachment ain’t planned
For that Oval defiler, reviled!

***

Yesterday, John Boehner called the impeachment notion a “scam” invented by Democrats to excite their base and raise money.

No doubt that will remain Boehner’s claim … right up to the moment the House starts the process to impeach.

Double Dactyl For Chris Christie

Thursday, July 17th, 2014

Have you noticed the new wave of stories about Chris Christie’s upcoming Iowa visit? This renewed coverage of Christie’s presidential aspirations gives me an excuse to post this non-limerick of mine, which I entered in the Style Invitational’s recent double dactyl contest:

Bridgery Fridgery,
Governor Christie is
Stuck in a scandal and
Can’t bridge the gap.

Oval-aimed dieting,
Indefatigably,
Hoping to run as a
Skinnier chap.

If you’re not familiar with the double dactyl, I summarize their rules here.

And, by the way, I lost. You can find the winners’ list here.

No, Eric Can’t (Limerick

Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

Amazing! Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was unexpectedly trounced in his primary by conservative Tea Party challenger David Brat.

No, Eric Can’t (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What a GOP upset! Oh my!
Eric Cantor was beat by a guy,
Who’s a Tea-Party Brat,
Underfunded, at that.
There are some things that money can’t buy.

Monica Wehby, Republican Nominee in Oregon’s U.S. Senate Race, Answers those Harassment Complaints (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

Monica Wehby, Republican Nominee in Oregon’s U.S. Senate Race, Answers those Harassment Complaints (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Vote for me! My convictions are tops.
For complaints about me, give me props,
Cuz they prove that I’m tough
And won’t take any guff.
It’s a plus that I’m known by the cops.

Here’s the story:

The Republican nominee in Oregon’s U.S. Senate race said Monday that disagreements with former partners that resulted in calls to the police show that she stands up for her beliefs and “will fight for Oregonians with very strong conviction.”

Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)

Monday, May 19th, 2014

Tuesday’s a big primary day:

Six states have elections in what’s being dubbed a mini-Super Tuesday: Arkansas, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Oregon and Pennsylvania. The Senate races with the potential for the biggest surprises are Georgia and Kentucky, where Republicans will be choosing between tea party candidates and ones with stronger backing from the establishment.

So brace yourself for yet another slew of inane observations about how mainstream Republicans are allegedly winning their war against the Tea Party.

Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sanguine insight from pundits ain’t bright
Re the mainstream Republicans’ fight:
They’re not winning the wars
Against Tea Party boors;
They’re just moving far out to the right.

Spoofing Maureen Dowd

Monday, May 19th, 2014

Though my tweet-sized Maureen Dowd-style fake quote didn’t win last week’s New York Magazine contest, at least it got me an Honorable Mention.

Here’s my HM-winning entry:

Hill’s at war; vicious oval of ambition vs doting grandma dotage. Will Monica Redux push her past pantsuit to sweatsuit?

“Bush’s Brain” Does It Again (2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

Karl Rove a/k/a “Turd Blossom” a/k/a “Bush’s Brain” is at it again. And this time his target is Hillary Clinton. First he strongly implies that she had “traumatic brain injury,” while greatly exaggerating the length of her hospital stay:

“Thirty days in the hospital?” Rove said, according to the report. “And when she reappears, she’s wearing glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury? We need to know what’s up with that.”

Next he denies using the specific phrase “brain damage,” as if that makes everything copacetic.

Of course this sort of dirty tricks attack is SOP for Karl Rove.

“Bush’s Brain” Does It Again (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rove’s method is slur and then flee.
His hit jobs leave drive-by debris.
He’ll strongly imply
Something’s true, then deny
That he used a set phrase he deems key.

Rove’s now on an anti-Hill spree,
Lodging brain-health aspersions with glee.
He’ll imply Hill’ry’s brain
Has been damaged, then feign
Complete innocence: Smear her? Not ME!